...and in the end

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=5ae36f61-c31d-4f37-a374-af6f19d59d2d

Hey you,

This is the last e-mail from me while I'm in Kenya. Don't worry, I'll send you one as soon as I have my pics up on one of those websites. That way you can view them from the comfort of your home, and wearing just your bathrobe if you wish. Not a tactic I recommend if you're going to look at them while at work; you may get funny stares.

I've attached my most recent column. I will have one more after I get back and then that's all folks. This one got me 3 replies from 'fans'. Funny enough, one of the e-mails was from a lady that runs a Kenyan restaurant inviting me to come 'promote' her. She listed all this Kenyan food that I've never heard of, mostly b/c I really haven't eaten much of the local cuisine. My colleagues teased me about that this past week.

I'll get to my long weekend adventures in a moment. The BIG exciting news: I found a pair of Air Jordans for only $45 CDN. Not from some street vendor but from an actual store. It's a promotion price to build awareness of the new location. I have my doubts that they are real since they don't come in a box (back of a truck anyone?), and I do have moral qualms about counterfeit merchandise, but the store owner told me that they were authentic. I don't know what more due diligence I could do than that?

I just know, thanks the marketing machine that is Nike, that these shoes will make me a much better basketball player. My proof: LeBron James wears Nikes and he's awesome, hence I'm concluding a causal effect, and I too will be awesome in my new pair of Nikes.

You'll be pleased to know that racism is everywhere, even in Kenya. The storekeeper was trying to sell me socks (why would he think I need socks, notwithstanding all of my socks have huge holes in them?) and he showed me a pair of Nike socks. When I said that the label on the package read "soccer", meaning the socks were designed for soccer and not basketball, he said "the chinese don't know what soccer is." He was an Indian man (a number of businesses in Nakuru are owned by Indians), but I was still tempted to ask him if it gets hot wearing his white hood in Nakuru.

The four day weekend was incredibly boring. There is really not much to do in Nakuru. Had I travelled anywhere, coming home on Sunday from Nairobi would've just been crazy.

However, on the Saturday there was a kid who was begging for change on the street (a recurring theme here in Nakuru) so I took him to lunch. He sat with me b/c I was going to eat too. I found out only his name directly - Steven Ndugu. Everything else - his age (7 years old), where his parents live - I had to find out through the waiter as an interpreter. Steven's english was worse than my kiswahili. I ended up feeding 3 more kids later that evening.

On Monday as I was walking into town, I was kind of hoping to avoid the street kids. A number of them approached me, and I took them and a few stragglers to the same restaurant where I always take them - six in total. One of the patrons shook my hand. As I exited, I was hit up for cash from one more kid so I marched him into the restaurant and paid for his meal. One of those 7 kids was the same Steven Ndugu - I recognized him in his dirty shirt with a puppy dog on it.

On Wednesday morning as I walked into town, I saw Steven Ndugu again - this time with a glue bottle. On some levels I felt betrayed - I had never seen the glue bottle previously, and I wondered if anything, was I compounding the problem by feeding them, because now they can use money that they collect for glue. That afternoon I ran into Steven again - he asked me for money for 'bread' mimicking eating a piece of bread. I told him I'd buy him food if he gave me the glue bottle. Neither of us budged in our negotiations so I just walked away. He kept following me and I just kept saying 'sorry' and 'go away' in kiswahilli.

If anything, being here has been very emotionally draining. To see kids living on the street, getting high on glue to deal with their hunger pangs, etc. is very hard day in and day out. To me street kids represent the ultimate in giving up hope, b/c if they're on the street, they will never break out of the cycle of poverty. And it is not that easy to get them rehabilitated either - many of them from what I've been told run away from the rehab centres b/c they are used to having so much freedom. And it's not just kids - many a day I see this one guy without any digits begging for change and the other day I saw a man who only had one leg, using this long pole to support himself as he hunkered down.

One of the mzungus who lives in Nakuru now, and heads up the Nakuru Business Association, which is trying to restore Nakuru to its former glory, calls these kids 'casualties' b/c their situation is a result of all the graft and corruption by the local gov't. There's really nothing sadder in the world than seeing these kids living out in the streets.

The honest truth is that there's not much about Nakuru that I will miss. The only thing I can say that I will miss is interacting with the little kids here in Nakuru (the non-street kids). This past week, as I walked into town there was one little toddler, probably no older than 2, and I tapped this kid on the shoulder as I walked past him. He started scurrying after me holding his hand to be shooken. Once, kids crossed the street to shake my hand. I feel like Barney at times. That's what I'll miss. Little kids calling me 'mzungu' = cute; adults on boda bodas or selling things calling me 'mzungu' = not cute and uber-annoying.

The manager at my gym asked me for my iPod. He said I could get a new one in London. Once I told him how much it cost, that ended that line of discussions. Even if I got a new iPod in London, I would be completely songless. Which begs the question - what is the true value of an iPod?

I've basically had requests for everything except the shirt off of my back. Oh wait, one of the hawkers that I know complimented me on the shirt I was wearing the other day (a Toronto Blue Jays' t), so I guess in a subtle way he was probably asking for it, since he did know that I am leaving on Thursday. I am donating a number of pieces of clothing to an NGO here, and I gave the coach of the boxing gym where I used to train 1000 ksh to be put towards tournament expenses.

Now, I'm just spending the days tying up loose ends, handing over my files, reading. I'm still reading the Economist and Time on a regular basis, and I am almost done "Crime and Punishment" which is a very punishing read.

You probably know that I've already started fundraising for the CIBC Run for the Cure. I've reached nearly 20% of my goal.

I have figured out the tooth mystery in Kenya. They love their sugar here. My colleagues will put two teaspoons of sugar in tea made with milk where I will put none. One of the cereals for sale in Kenya has the following instructions:

1) pour cereal

2) pour milk

3) add sugar

4) add fruit if you wish.

Sugar is mandatory, and fruit, one of the four basic food groups, of which you're supposed to eat 5 to 10 day servings a day, is optional. Plus, on that same box of cereal, the second ingredient listed: sugar.

I've started the packing process already. The ruungu sticks are packed away. Also in the "Why did I buy that?" category: Massai necklaces for my family. What's so bad about these necklaces? Well the big ones are the size of an LP and the smaller ones are the size of a 45. (My little cousins will have no clue what I'm talking about when they read that.) And they are made of beads, so a number of them are kind of heavy.

On the topic of "stupid purchases" I'm thinking of buying a shield with the Kenyan design/colours on it. This would actually be a semi-practical purchase in case I ever have to go to war. Plus, I'm given my brothers ruungu sticks, and it can't be very wise to give them a weapon without giving myself some way to protect myself.

I suppose the worst case scenario is I can leave all my souvenirs in Vancouver in trust with my friend and let people go there to pick 'em up.

One word to sum it up: interesting. The level of poverty amazes me. I can't walk anywhere in Nakuru without seeing someone begging for change or kids with glue bottles stuck to their mouths. It's like these people have been completely forgotten. And unfortunately for me to see any direct results from the work that I did here, is a 2 year commitment minimum. I'd go stark raving mad if I had to stay here that long. I can deal better with the isolation than I can with seeing the street kids.

I'm glad I did it, but I'd have preferred to be working directly with small businesses.

Will I miss Kenya? Sure in the winter, when I'm freezing, and maybe in the summer when the humidity makes being in Toronto unbearable. I will NOT miss having to sleep under a mosquito net (not that I always stay under it at night, which explains the plethora of 'squito bites). But I miss eating fruit and salads - I don't really feel comfortable eating vegetables here unless they're cooked.

FYI: While I am going to keep this e-mail address, effective May 1 most of my correspondence will go through jacob_kojfman@hotmail.com

So really, that's it. I'm signing off.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Aerosmith in two weeks!

Jacob

today is the longest day of my life

Hey you,

It's me again. This may be the last e-mail I send to you. I may write you a letter next weekend instead.

As of Monday, I will have only ten (10) days left in Kenya.

I've been advised not to cut my trip short regardless of whether the gov't falls on the 20th, so London and Vancouver here I come. Perhaps Paris too, as everyone is advising me that 8 days in London is a lot of time.

So here's my brilliant idea for a job: There's a guy who financed the genocide in Rwanda and there's a reward of $5 million USD on his head. First step, learn the fugitive's name. So this summer I'm going to train in hand-to-hand combat, learn how to shoot a gun and sniper rifle, learn some African dialects, come back to Africa and catch the guy. I figure it won't cost me more than $250 000 in expenses so think about the profit margin on that. If you want to pitch in a bit, I'll share some of the bounty with you.

I'm also going to try out for an NBA team this summer in the hopes of signing a free-agent contract. I am an excellent benchwarmer, and I look great in a suit, so I'd make an excellent 11th or 12th man on the active roster, or part of the 15 man roster. Plus, with all of my community involvement, I'd be a PR boon to any team, especially the Trail (formerly Jail) Blazers. Don't worry, if I make the team, I'll get you tickets when I'm in Toronto.

So the Jacob Foundation is back in full swing, which is good for the kids, but cash-in-flow is starting to trickle down. I may have to start begging or mugging to get more funds to feed the kids. I met this one street kid who was 15 years old, and I asked another one where he lived, and he said by the coke factory. There are no houses by the coke factory to the best of my knowledge.

I have my own little gang of street kids. I feel like Fagan, but I can't communicate with any of them. One of the kids asked me for money and I offered to take him to the restaurant but he kept pointing in the other direction towards a car. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but he eventually came with me and 3 others to the restaurant.

I usually take the kids to the exact same restaurant, and have never eaten there myself. I feel kind of bad b/c I'm not helping those kids with healthy eating habits b/c they always get soda.

I went to Nairobi on Thursday April 5 to have lunch with a mzungu from Alberta. A few weeks ago, he read my column in the Post (the one about the pirated DVDs) and contacted me. This man is my new role model. He's made millions in Alberta and is coming to Kenya to put that money to good use. He's bought acres of land for an orphanage, and is investing in income generating activities. He got inspired to do this after reading an autobiography of an orphan in Kenya who made millions in business, sold his interests and has helped set up orphanages, schools, etc. to help those who have been neglected by society. He offered to send me the book, but I declined - told him he was preaching to the choir. He treated me to lunch, which was nice.

However, the return trip home was less than pleasant. I got to the matatu station around 3:40 or so after going to the bookstore. The company booked me onto shuttle no. 21; at that moment, no. 10 was loading. It was at least 2.5 to 3 hours before I actually got onto a matatu.

After going to the net cafe for nearly an hour, and then to a restaurant to get a couple of sandwhiches, I still had another hour wait. One guy showed me the direction to the restaurant and then asked me for 100 shillings so he could get a beer. I told him I didn't have any. He returned to the matatu station twice more while I was still waiting, the second time I was actually in the matatu, seated by the window, and he asked me for another 50 shilling to take the bus. The dude had a job, too, so it's not like he was a street person.

I'm on a 4 day weekend, 5 if you count the fact that I took yesterday off to go to Nairobi. 4 day weekends in Toronto rock - that's 4 opps to go to brunch. I love brunch.

4 day weekends in Nakuru suck. Everything is closed today (Friday) and I'm sure will be on Monday too (as well as the usual closing on Sundays). I'm spending my time reading - one of the books I bought was Crime and Punishment and the other was about the guy who started Grameen Bank.

I'm pretty much done my projects. I wrote 30 pages on source separation and waste management in other countries (first and third world) and analyzed how it is being done in Nakuru (not so much) and recommendations for what my NGO should do to try to replicate source separation in other programs. It's hot stuff, talking about waste and source separation. If it doesn't get your juices flowing I don't know what will.

The drawback to leaving after only 6 months is I won't see how my recommendations play out or how the whole waste management stream takes effect in Nakuru. Also, I won't be able to gauge the success of the marketing plan I've worked on for the organic fertilizer. There are still a lot of questions that are unanswered, despite the market research that I did. For starters, were the sales at the Farmers' Field School graduation because of the promotion price or because Mazingira was the only fertilizer for sale there. Those are questions that my NGO has to follow up on after I leave, during and after the planting season which is coming upon Nakuru.

Please don't even consider suggesting that I stay longer. I was told by my buddy who heads the Nakuru Business Association (a mzungu who moved here b/c he married a Kenyan) that while I can make a bigger impact here than I could in Europe (very true), it's VERY lonely and isolating here. Plus, I really need to get back to Toronto to play basketball with people who are closer to my skill level and are not dunking over me like Vince Carter over a Frenchman. And by "closer to my skill level" I really mean, older, shorter, and much worse than me.

The luggage issue is still weighing heavily on my mind and in my bags. I may try to wear all of my clothes to lighten the load (I am leaving a no. of clothes here to the NGO's driver and some orphanages). Once again, I'm cursing the purchase of those runguu sticks. I can't even blame them on being an impulse purchase, b/c they were not near the register! What was I thinking?!

British Airways does allow for a 3rd piece of luggage for people doing missionary work (something the travel agent neglected to tell me and cost me $240 at the airport to get my 3rd bag to Kenya. Can someone say 'lawsuit'?), so here's hoping that the policy applies to return trips home, then I can mail my box o' books from Vancouver at what I presume would be a cost significant lower than $80 cdn.

Because a number of my readers have said that they will miss these weekly e-mails (ok, two readers have said that), I'm willing to provide you with a semi-annual mailer, one of which will be my annual Holiday newsletter. If you're interested, just send me an e-mail with the word subscribe.

On a final note, school let out this past week for the kids. They're off for a month. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my lil' buddy, Victor. I finally figured out what good little kids are when I had Victor give me inbounds passes so I could work on my quick release shot. You can't teach a dog to do that. I was hoping to give Victor my basketball but I guess I'll just have to leave it with the coach.

See you in a few weeks...

j.

The Lord is my Sheppard

Hey,

It's me again. I hope you had a good week. This is the 3rd last Monday Morning Jambos (TM). (I've also trademarked "Monday Morning Jambons", and "Monday Morning Hams".

Only 17 more days until I leave Kenya (assuming you're reading this on Monday, if not, figure it out for yourself). You miss me yet?

If you missed my column this past Wednesday in the Post here it is:

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=c5ef14da-ddcf-42fd-8bf6-a8bee4d875d6

I actually think it may be the best one I've written for the Post and the best column I've written since Kacob Jojfman Goes to the Formal. I managed to sneak in three (3) of my favorite things into this column: my ties; baseball; and the quote from Jackie Robinson.

I am gunning to have two (2) more columns. One before I leave Kenya and one after I get back. I'm going to try to use this column and the first one I wrote to propel me to more freelance gigs.

I had another mishap this past week and to save myself the embarassment, I'm going to keep the details to myself. By then, all the physical evidence should have mended.

Elton John is right. Saturday night is all right for fighting. I attended the fights last Saturday at the boxing club where I used to train. The guys with whom I used to train were boxing. I went over to wish them luck and one of the guys asks me where the gift I brought for them is. The Nakuru club won 3 (one by default b/c the other club had no opponent) and lost 3. This one guy David, very friendly guy, was fighting in Bantam (64 kg max) and just pummelled his opponent. The ref had to stop the match. Most of the matches were stopped b/c of blood, etc. The boxers have to share gloves and the helmet, and in some cases the shirt. I can only hope that they each had their own mouthguard, otherwise, gross.

After the match, I was waiting outside the bank for my cab to come. The kids from the boxing club came up to me. Dominic, one of the little guys who won his match, asked me where his prize was. He asked for money for a soda. Richard, who has always been quite brazen with asking me for things, asked me for a pen, telling me that he'd remember me by it. I gave it to himi. Then after he walked away I was frustrated with myself for giving him the pen. He didn't win his match and as a matter of fact he got the crap kicked out of him in his match and I just gave him a 'reward'? It's like giving a dog a treat after he pees on your carpet.

So there was a happy reunion in the Jacob household last Friday - I got a new DVD player. The store gave me a new one b/c it didn't get the DVD player repaired in time. To celebrate, I watched Season 1 of 24. Again. Bad mistake. 12 episodes later, at 4am, I finally went to bed. I did realize what made 24 such a great show. It's not the fact that each episode ends on a cliffhanger but how the entire story brings different storylines together to make a really kick ass story.

I managed to make it to ball only one (1) time this week, b/c it rained the other days. I played ball with the little kids again. This time my team dominated, only one game were we in risk of losing. I try to get the kids to shoot and drive as much as possible, and really only score when there's been a drought. I outrebounded all of the kids and out hustled them. They play what I call "sweater D" - the kids just drape the player with the ball, reaching in every time. If there was a ref, the whistle would be blowing every time. Kudos to my lil' buddy Victor who sat out a game so another kid, Chris, could play. That is good sportsmanship.

Magazine wise, it was a very bad week for me. I've been patiently waiting the new Men's Health (North American edition) and when it didn't come as of yesterday, I broke down and bought the UK version with Ryan Reynolds on the cover. The UK edition is the worst of the three that I buy. I couldn't get the Economist until today, and that was only b/c the stockist, who knows me from popping in everday to check up on Men's Health gave me the only issue he had that he was supposed to give to another customer. Yesterday, the guy was going to run me credit b/c I was a few shillings short but I went to the bank machine.
Which nicely segues me to my next point: the Jacob Foundation is back in business. I got my new Visa card last Monday and my bank card on Thursday, so now I can actually afford to buy the street kids meals. I've started to brownbag my leftovers and give them to the street people. It's better than having them go to waste. I gave some rice and beans to a street kid and told him to share with his friend. I felt like a parent yelling at him "Share! Share!"
I was also able to finally mail a letter I'd been sitting on for about a week. I just couldn't run the risk of spending the 95 shillings on a stamp!

I don't know if you know this but I get $200 CDN for each column I write in the Post. The money from this past week's column is going to be used as part of a social experiment. I'm going to leave it with the NGO here to be used for microfinance purposes. Then I'll follow the trail - who uses it, what did they do with it, when they repaid it, and what happens to their business. Then when the money and interest get loaned out again, repeat the process.
On the work front, I spent the week conducting telephone interviews with stockists about the marketing of agricultural products. What a headache. My favorite was the lady who said she could answer my questions and then once I proceeded to ask her, she said that she couldn't and I should wait for the manager.

Two more to go...

If you remind me, next week I'll tell you about the job idea I have. It's my 2nd or 3rd best idea. EVER!

your ever faithful correspondent,

Jacob

Catch-22

Hey you,

how you been? How was your week?Miss me yet?


I was thinking this week of how much I miss rollerblading. We should definitely go when I get back. Only 596 more hours until I leave (if you're reading this on Monday. Don't ask how I know that 24 x 24 is 596 so quickly).

I had a bizarre week.

First, last Saturday I went to go play basketball only to find none. This put a damper on my weekend as I really wanted to play. I wasn't even allowed to go onto the court to shoot hoops. Needless to say, my shot is going to need quite a bit of work when I get back.

So that afternoon I went to town where I was approached by a kid asking for change. I took him to lunch. Here's the kicker, he remembered me as feeding him a while ago. It's nice to know that I'm not seen such as just a Daddy Warbucks. His name is Joseph Kamau. Then after my own lunch (I don't eat with the kids b/c of stigmas that may get attached to the kids, i.e. Michael Jacksonism), I went to get some ice cream (more on that in a bit) at the grocery store, and a kid approached me to ask if I worked for WDGA or JA b/c he was at the conference where I spoke and enjoyed what i had to say about their responsibility to demolish poverty (his words not mine). So no one's here to toot my horn, so toot toot.

So Tuesday I lost my cards: bank and credit. This still hasn't dampered my magazine purchasing habits, which means I could soon find myself having to beg for change on Kenyatta Avenue. But the good news is that the lady who works at the store where I buy most of my magazines said she'd toss some change my way. I may have to take out my own microfinance loan to continue to fund the Jacob Foundation.

A new VISA card is on its way to me - hopefully by Monday. I've arranged for credit at the hotel where I live so I'll still have clean clothes and one of the restaurants where I used to eat.
I've gone vegetarian - not for ethical or health issues but financial. For 80 ksh i get a delicious bowl of bean stew and rice whereas the beef equivalent - 150. Cha ching. That 70 shillings can get me two (2) soft serve ice cream at the grocery store.
Yes that's right I now can get soft serve ice cream here. I prefer it to the hard kind b/c of less fat. Woo hoo.

Wednesday I went to play basketball for the first time in a week. The power of the ball is amazing. A few months ago I met this school kid named Victor - very smiley kid. We shot around on Wed. Little kids are great to have around b/c they can get the ball when you make your shot. Anyway, I had him start to do lay ups - I'd pass him the ball as he's running and he'd lay it in. Then another kid joined us, then a third, then I had them form a line. Next thing I know all the kids on that half of the court were lining up for the mzungu to pass them the ball. I've always wanted an army of loyalists, just I'd prefer one that I can use to storm the Bastille, not a sand castle. Ah well, something to work on when I get back to the T-dot.

So after putting the kids through lay up drills, we broke out into teams of 4 to play tourney style. My team, all short, and could not stick to their men on D for their lives. Every team we played had at least one guy open near the net. I was superpissed. If the kids were not in their school unis (yes they ran layups and played ball in their unis) i'd have made them run suicides and do pushups. I run a tough camp.

This past week what did I do for work? Went to interview garbage collectors (the organizations that provide the service) to find out how well prepared they are for source separation when it comes into play. This job would've been much better suited for someone who is interested in city planning, waste management, or the environment. But I'm making do. I really should've pushed to do more work with the microfinance arm, but I didn't want to come across as a pushy Canadian. Oh, there may be a crimp in my travel plans depending on how the budget (Canadian not mine) goes. IF an election is called for April 30, my return date, I'm going to forego London and Vancouver and come home for the 20th to spend the 10 days campaigning. London and Vancouver will still be there. The election not so much. Then again, if there's an election this year it will be the third one in Canada in about 3 years. African countries have more political stability, albeit, they are run by dictators some of them.

A trip to Vancouver in the summer would be ace. One of my friends and his wife are coming to Victoria this summer and I haven't played ball with him in ages.

Either way, I know I'll for sure be in Vancouver in 2010 and in London in 2012 for the olympics - participating baby! Just haven't figured out in which sport(s). I'm thinking of 2-man luge for the winter, as long as I get to be on the bottom so I can use the other guy as a buffer against the ice in case we fall off. As for the summer sport, I'm thinking something to do with walking. I'd be perfectly content to warm the bench for Team Canada's basketball team, but I think that team has enough slow white guys.

I did write out a column for this past week but it got dropped. Space issues and sucking issues. I'm working on a better one. For those who think this is easy, it is very hard, especially to have to tie it to a theme (working).

I'm hoping to get some more freelance gigs when I get back. I'm trying to find the contacts of editors of magazines for which I'd like to write.

Remember how I was so proud of the deal I struck for the additional wares? WelL I got jacked. The vendor finally got the wares to me and then said his supplier wants 150 ksh per item (11 items). He was supposed to give me all 11 for only 1000 (I asked for 10 and he offered to toss one in for free. I'd hope so - grand total I bought from him: 51). I said forget it. He asked for an additional 200 and I figured it was worth it to get him out of my life.
The other vendors, I've had to be more direct with them and tell them no I don't want/need cards - not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm just going to have to ignore them from now on, but I"m thinking I may have to kill one of them and stick their head on a stick as a warning to all those who dare to trespass me.

A sort of homecomingHomecoming game is either May 6 or May 27. Please get your nominations for Homecoming Queen and Homecoming King. Voting begins for the King and Queen in the next couple of weeks!Looking forward to seeing you.

Miss you!
Jacob

21 Grams

Hey you!How have you been? Long time no see. How as that little vacation/business trip you had? How's the family doing? And work, going ok I hope? I hope all is well with you.Me? I'm great. Was a bit sick this past week with a cough/cold. So that kept me from working out until Thursday night. I'm assuming you're reading this on a Monday, so I have 31 more days until I fly the coop. 6 weeks until I'm home in Toronto. I cannot wait to eat all the food that I'm not getting in Kenya - salmon fillets, sushi, berries: blue, straw, rasp, black, and cold milk that must be refrigerated. With the end approach so close, I realize I may have a bit of a predicament. My baggage allowance is 32 kgs from here to Canada. But from Vancouver to TO is only 23 KGs - damn you Air Canada. Now I'm leaving some clothes, and shoes here. And the almonds and walnuts I brought too are being left behind in a different form. But I have bought a bunch of books (in addition to the 13 I brought with me) and the souvenirs... needless to say I may be in a bit of a quandry. It's the Rungu sticks that are weighing the most - the traditional Massai clubs that are beaded. What for? I have no idea. At the time I thought I'd need them to start my own Massai army but I don't know if that's such a great idea now.Fedexing stuff is not an option. It would cost me nearly $200 US to just FedEx something as little as 10 kgs. So on Monday, I told a bunch of the street vendors that if I need anything I'll come to them. I thought this would solve my problem, but alas they are a wiley bunch. One of them saw me today and instead of asking me if I want cards asked me if I'm coming to see him for cards. So my new tactic: total ignorance. It's a shame it's reached the point where I can't even acknowledge them but they are like piranhas after that first drop of blood hits the water. A lot of them are also shysters in my opinion. Last Monday when I was supposed to buy the wares from Cosmas, one of the street vendors, one other was telling me that the wares he had belonged to Cosmas. I've cut a number of deals with Cosmas since then but he has yet to deliver. I'm not in a rush but thankfully I never pay in advance. The only thing I pay for in advance is my pizzas and guess what - next week: FREE PIZZA. CHA CHING!!! So how was my Thursday? Absolutely boring. I went to a graduation ceremony - not even mine. It was for those farmer groups graduating from Farmer Field Schools. Now the actual ceremony itself was not boring b/c when each group got called up to get their certificates, they'd be dancing and singing but everything till then - boring. Partly b/c the Kenyans have no concept of time. So about 4 pm we're packing it in and all the farmers who want to buy the OF decide at that time they should. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools comes and invites me to lunch (at 4 pm?) I really wanted to get out of there ASAP so I went with him, more out of concern of offending him, and when I got to the To start, I was there b/c I was representing Practical Action (represent represent) and the organic fertilizer. We (me and Mildred, the woman who works for NAWACOM, which is the investment co-op that actually makes the fertilizer) at about 7:50 am to set up our tent. However a few hours later we were told we had to move the tent. Around 11 am I got hungry so I went into town for lunch. I get cranky if I don't eat every 2 to 3 hours. Needless to say Yom Kippur is a real bad day for me. Picked up my magazines - Time and the Economist and headed back to the show grounds. Still, no ceremony starting yet. I think. When they do things in kiswahili I'm not too up and up on what is going on. Around 4pm, we're packing it up and that's when the farmers decide they want to buy the OF. Great timing. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools invited me to the lunch (at 4pm? What the?) Not wanting to offend them, I went but when I got to the serving area, I just grabbed two chipati and walked back out to get back to our truck. At that exact moment, the Ministry of Agriculture District Officer called for a rep from PA to come present the next group with their certificates. Mildred sees me and waves towards me to go up on stage. So there I am, with chipati in my left hand and having to present the certificate with my right. The farmers' group to whom I had to present came up dancing, and singing (not a clue what), so I threw my right hand in the air and waved it all around like I just did not care. I think all graduation type ceremonies should have a little dance number attached to them. Unfortunately, I got a sunburn on my upper right arm b/c I wasn't wearing sunscreen as I was sitting there during the graduation ceremony.I did have an interesting conversation that morning with a guy who works for an NGO. He used to work with the street kids in Kenya and he explained to me how some of them end up on the street. And he told me that it's about 1 in 10 people in Kenya that have HIV/AIDS. Imagine that - 10% of the people here are infected. Life of Pi is a very interesting book. Very well written. Not one of my top 10 favorites but so far a very interesting story. Of course, by the time you read this I'll have finished it. May have to take a trip to Nairobi to get some more books. At least this time around all of my flights to and fro are at night so I can just sleep on the plane. What's on tap for me this weekend? I'm hoping to run with the big boys tomorrow on the court (the adults not the kids), and hit the gym. I have to write my next couple of columns this weekend. Well write one for next week and then start the rest. I'm hoping to squeeze out at least 2 if not 3 columns over the duration of my time here. On that note, have a great week. Looking forward to seeing you!Jacob

20/20

First off, just to clarify: I was 99.98 joking about the name placement in the column in the Post. It's nice to see that so many people a) want to help Kenya's small enterprises; b) want to see their name in print; or c) a little from column a and a little from column b.

My 9th column appeared last Wednesday. I haven't been able to see it yet or find it on www.working.com . For those who missed it and want to see it, I'll be happy to send it to you as soon as I get a copy. If anyone else is interested, I'm going to host a reading of some of my columns at a local coffee house. Currently, I'm composing some music to turn it into a musical. I only play piano, so I'm looking for someone to accompany me on the guitar. Any takers?

Last Monday I was voicing my concern that I wasn't really empowering anybody by writing about source separation (and as a matter of fact may be impacting the livelihoods of some of the poor but I'll get to that later). Of course, what did I do that morning that is the exact opposite of empowering - I fed a street kid again. Well, I didn't feed him but I took him to a restaurant and let him order what he wanted (chicken and chips and soda at 9:30 am). I know, I know. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, but teach him to fish, feed him for a life, but I just told you - the kid had chicken. I don't even know how to teach anyone to fish, let alone catch, pluck and cook a chicken. I think the same kid was asking me for shillings later that afternoon too. Later that week, I bought another kid a meal b/c he told me he was hungry. I really have to get out of here ASAP before I run out of money.

By the time most of you read this, less than 5.5 weeks until I leave Kenya. 7 weeks until I'm back in Toronto, give or take a few days. I was asked by one of my colleagues what Canada has that Kenya is lacking. Oh, where to begin. Did I tell you that outside one of the banks I often see army men with machine guns.

On Wednesday night I was put in to play against the high school boys. Those kids can run. It's not just that I'm slow, they are quick. I thought I was going to have a coronary by the time the game was over. I seem to have the lung capacity of a 2-year old smoker. The next day my body was killing me. My knees hurt walking up the stairs and my hip hurt. If anyone knows any exercises I can do to strengthen my hips - much appreciated. I couldn't play basketball the rest of the week.

I'm down to 3 books. Well, probably 2.5 by the time you read this. I started Life of Pi this past week, and thankfully, one of the other two books is Kafka's The Trial. I started to read it some 5 years ago or so but only got 80 pages into it. It is one of the hardest books I have ever tried to read, so that one will probably keep me occupied for a while.

BUT, I do have my weekly magazines. Tuesday is a great day - new economist and new time, and once in a while, like this past week, Fortune as well. I feel like Johnny 5: more input!

So this past week I went on a field trip with the trash collectors who work for the town. What a waste - they couldn't answer any of my questions about the new by-laws for waste separation. While in the truck cab with the driver he asked me if we had hawkers in Canada (people selling stuff on the street). To me it sounded like a word that starts with "h" but rhymes with "lookers". I said sure we do, and asked him where they were now, in Nakuru. He said they're out on the street now. I was a bit surprised. I mean who would get a "looker" at 10:30 in the am? Once I figured out that he meant hawkers, it made the flow of conversation that much easier.

On Friday AM I went to interiew one of the officials in the dept of environment - the dept that oversees garbage collection in the town. The official was speaking english, and i was speaking english, but I don't think either of us really understood what the other was saying. It was like a conversation between George Dubya, and well, anybody who can actually speak english properly. I was trying to gather info on how the town council is prepared to engage in source separation when it collects waste, and to be honest, I don't think the dept of environment has really thought this whole separation at the source thing through. I'm meeting with the officials of the private waste collectors next week to ask them the same questions. Good times.

I've taken up a new hobby to alleviate the boredom - beard growing. It's low maintenance and doesn't cost me very much in terms of time and money. Actually it's really boring.

This past Saturday I did something very different - a few weeks ago I was asked to speak at a Junior Achievement conference the Junior Business Forum. For those of you who may not know, but for 5 years I was an Advisor in JA's Company Program where I mentored high school students in running their own company - it's become a passion of mine. I know, i know - it's quite frightening to think that I'm helping to mold and shape our future generations. But I do... and I'd like to think it's something I actually do quite well. Turns out that I had to give a talk on corporate social responsibility. With less than 20 minutes notice. Thank goodness for Bill Gates and Google - the focus of my talk. Well their foundations, anyway.

How awesome are my negotiation skills here in Nakuru? I agreed to buy some local crafts - I asked the vendor what price he'd give me (I was buying a lot of them) and he said 100 ksh. Since I was prepared to offer 130 ksh for each one, I quickly signed on the dotted line. Well, that's just a metaphor. But here's where my kickass negotiating comes into play - I said I'd buy at that price but if I want any more then he has to give me the same price. He agreed. Later when I placed an order for a fraction of my original one he tossed in a free one. Cha ching. Send me to Iran Mr. Bush and I'll not only get the prez there to stop his nuclear program, but i'll get him to give up all that he's already got.

Zero of the week: McMaster university registrar's office. I sent them an e-mail asking them for 3 pieces of information and they only gave me the first one. I had to send another e-mail asking for the rest.

Till next week... keep your ear to the grindstone...

Jacob

19th Hole

Hello everyone,

just a quick business matter first - I'm writing my last few columns over the next few weeks, and while I've resisted it before, I'm conceding defeat and giving in. What am I talking about? Product placement - that's right for only $25 I will put your name in my column in the Post. $100 for commercial ventures/advertisements though. Don't worry - 50% of all revenue generated from this idea will stay behind in Kenya and go towards microfinance organizations in Kenya so you'll be helping to alleviate poverty while getting your name in print. Plus, I'll personally autograph that column for you with a "best wishes, Jacob". Think about it.

So next week I'm going to help negotiate the trial farms on one guy's property. It's going to be an interesting experience b/c the professor who is overseeing the technical aspect of this project thinks that it is entirely the project's responsibility to tend to this trial farm including the labour, while I'm not sure if my boss, the one who works for Practical Action (the NGO), actually feels about this.

I made it to basketball and the gym this past week for the first time in weeks. I'm still as slow as molasses but in a game I did have a nice block. Sure the kid is only 17 and probably a good foot shorter than me but still. I really need to get back in shape for my return home. I've been turning into a bit of a chubalub. The Golden Grahams addiction certainly didn't help. I've kicked the habit cold turkey. I had too - I was at the office on Sunday and eating some of the delicious golden goodness when I noticed there were two empty boxes in the garbage. In a little under a week I had eaten almost 3 whole boxes. I may have a partially opened box in my hotel, so like the smoker on their last pack that'll be it for me.

On my way to get my mid-morning snack at the restaurant, a kid approached me for a shilling so I offered him a meal. He readily accepted. I thought he was a little too well dressed to be a street kid, but the people who work at the restaurant confirmed it for me. All of 8 years old and he's out on the streets begging for change. This is what I encounter on a daily basis. And the funny thing is that Kenya is one of the better countries in Africa - there's been no wars here (not that I know of), and the economy is supposed to be growing.

The worst part is the lack of social services programs for those who are in dire need - I'm talking about the disabled (or physicall challenged) and those kids and adults who are hooked on the glue. The closest I've come to seeing social programs is a letter that I think the government provides that people can show to solicit donations/support from members of the public. I saw one gentleman who had such letter, sitting on the major street in Kenya with his kid and letter stating that he's disabled and can't work. The other one was a gentleman who was deaf, but I'm not sure what his deal was but he had a letter looking for support in the form of cash donations or effects - so I bought him some shoe polish b/c that was one of the examples given. The quick shine kind, b/c I assumed that he probably didn't like to shine shoes b/c really, who does?

Since I've come to Kenya it's been like Christmas, just without the snow. I got another gift this past week - a book. Woo hoo. Yay me. I feel like Jesus, except instead of getting gold, myr and frankenscence, I've gotten a book, magazines, fake Crocs (or as I call them Frocs) and contact lens solution. Ok, so the last thing I asked for, but still, it was a surprise when it finally arrived from Canada, only 5 weeks after it was mailed. Don't worry, I got a surprise for you when I get back - me! I just hope you don't expect me to giftwrap myself when I see you b/c I think I'd look really odd on the subway sitting there in giftwrap with a pretty bow on my head.

Interesting little tidbit I found out this past week - the waiters at the restaurant where I do most of my eating - they get paid only 240 kenyan shillings/day. To put this into perspective, my lunch and coffee today cost me 355 ksh. I don't tip b/c I don't think it's custom here in Kenya (I did leave a couple of tips closer to the holidays, um x-mas, not valetine's) and before I leave I will leave the wait staff some cash tip, but it's just frightening how difficult it seems to be to make a decent living in Kenya. I'd be willing to bet that even the waitstaff at Canoe could probably afford a meal there a day just based on the tips that they get there... and the guy who used to sell me DVDs (I say used to b/c there's no point in buying anymore since my player doesn't work) - he sometimes only sells one or two a day at most. That means at best he's taking in 1000 ksh a day. Did I mention that the town where I live, the city council pilfered 85 million ksh?

Less than 49 days until I leave Kenya - 57 until I can roll up the rim to win. And win I will...


Have a great weekend everyone. Till next time...

j.