Just over one month gone

Jambo, Jambo

With just under 5 months left before I go off to London, there is not a day goes by that I don't have some sort of observation about living here.

My 3rd column in the Post is going to discuss how it is to be white here in Kenya. I get so much attention it's not even funny. Apparently, they all think white people have money here. So the vendors/hawkers will wave me over to their stalls on Kenyatta Ave. (Think yonge or bloor street in terms of majorness) from across the street. For those who may have missed the 2nd one, I've attached it here.

For those new to these massive missives, you can read the previous ones at kenyajacob.blogspot.com .

I too a few photos of the wares that they sell and I asked permission first. Big reason for that is apparently Kenyans don't like their pics taken without permission being asked. Reason for that is - they want money for it. One shopkeeper said I could take a photo of his wares if I bought him a coke or gave him 50 shillings. I told him that if he didn't let me take a picture I would never "promote" him (that's the phrase they use when they are really meaning to patron their shop). He interpreted (or misinterpreted) that to mean that I would promote him if I took his photo. I had to set him straight. They all sell the exact same, um, crap, and I'd be willing to bet good Kenyan shillings that they are jacking up the prices b/c of the colour or lack there of, my skin. Needless to say, when I'm ready to buy souvenirs I will be bringing one of my colleagues to negotiate a Kenyan price for me.

It's so bad here, that I get ambushed by vendors just walking up the street. If I tell them "not today" on a Thursday, the sneak up on me on Friday and ask if I'll buy from them today. It's much easier for them to remember me than for me to remember them. I'd love to tell the lady that is trying to sell me Christmas cards that in Canada we call them Holiday Cards b/c we have muslims, Jews and Christians. Maybe make her head spin.
\n \nI wanted to take a picture of the bike taxis (or deathsicles as I call them) but the one guy wanted money for me to take his photo. Those guys are hilarious b/c they will call me over and say hello to me and look at me until I say I don\'t need a ride. Not only are the drivers maniacs, but the cyclists pedal so quickly - well it makes sense the sooner you get rid of one patron the sooner you can pick up another. After spending $40 000 in education tuition just between 1999 and 2003 alone, there\'s no way I\'m getting on a bicycle again without a helmet and definitely not on one where I\'m relying on someone else to pedal for me while I hold on for dear life. \n\n \nI went to a farm in the rural areas on Friday to do market research. Along the way, I took a photo of a couple of guys guiding their donkeys loaded with timber/wood and their women and children carrying timber and wood (the guys were carrying just machetes and a stick to move the donkeys along the way). I took the photo to show you guys, and the guy wanted money. I told him I had none. \n\n \nMy adventures on Friday to the farm continued with taking a photo of a donkey b/c one of my friends loves them (hey, I\'m not judging. Well, maybe, a little). so at the farm, I took one of a donkey and some guy thought I was taking photos of him. He was less than pleased. He was telling my colleague, who after the tirade translated for me, that he didn\'t want me to take photos of him living in poverty to show the world b/c he wanted to maintain his dignity. First off, i would think that you\'d want to publicize your situation in an effort to get people to help. Second, i think the entire world knows that like 98% of people in Kenya live in poverty. it\'s like stating that the sun rises in the East, it is just that obvious. Third, he was drunk. At 2pm in the afternoon. I think any concerns over dignity go out the window when you\'re inebriated at 2pm on a weekday and it is not St. patrick\'s day. \n",1]
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I wanted to take a picture of the bike taxis (or deathsicles as I call them) but the one guy wanted money for me to take his photo. Those guys are hilarious b/c they will call me over and say hello to me and look at me until I say I don't need a ride. Not only are the drivers maniacs, but the cyclists pedal so quickly - well it makes sense the sooner you get rid of one patron the sooner you can pick up another. After spending $40 000 in education tuition just between 1999 and 2003 alone, there's no way I'm getting on a bicycle again without a helmet and definitely not on one where I'm relying on someone else to pedal for me while I hold on for dear life.

I went to a farm in the rural areas on Friday to do market research. Along the way, I took a photo of a couple of guys guiding their donkeys loaded with timber/wood and their women and children carrying timber and wood (the guys were carrying just machetes and a stick to move the donkeys along the way). I took the photo to show you guys, and the guy wanted money. I told him I had none.

My adventures on Friday to the farm continued with taking a photo of a donkey b/c one of my friends loves them (hey, I'm not judging. Well, maybe, a little). so at the farm, I took one of a donkey and some guy thought I was taking photos of him. He was less than pleased. He was telling my colleague, who after the tirade translated for me, that he didn't want me to take photos of him living in poverty to show the world b/c he wanted to maintain his dignity. First off, i would think that you'd want to publicize your situation in an effort to get people to help. Second, i think the entire world knows that like 98% of people in Kenya live in poverty. it's like stating that the sun rises in the East, it is just that obvious. Third, he was drunk. At 2pm in the afternoon. I think any concerns over dignity go out the window when you're inebriated at 2pm on a weekday and it is not St. patrick's day.
\nWhen I got there I took a number of photos of the little kids there and they were all ecstatic. They would run up to see the photo after, even if they weren\'t in it, and start laughing at their own image. it was nice to hear the kids laughing. Sometimes, I wonder if they really understand their situation. Then again, I\'m also making it to be worse sometimes than it really is. This village did have some sort of "movie theatre" some little building which I guess had a screen of some kind. It was locked so I couldn\'t see into it, but there was some sort of Chuck Norris movie playing. American Invassion (yes, that\'s how they spelt it on the chalkboard) or something like that. \n\n \nAs for the photos, I\'ve taken over 360 and I\'m in one of them - of me interviewing the chairman of one of the farming associations. I haven\'t been able to publish them to the web b/c the internet is so freakin\' slow here so I\'m going to burn them to a CD and send them home and get someone there to post them, so please bear with me. I would like you to see them, b/c quite frankly, there\'s a lot of things that despite my best efforts to describe them, are much better explained in pictorial form. Plus, I save 1000 words typed with every picture you see, sometimes even as many as 1265 words with some of the REALLY good photos. \n\n \nWell, you\'ll be pleased to know that I haven\'t lost that much weight. I\'m still about 83 kgs which is a far cry from the 90 I topped at at one point this summer, and the 93 kgs I want to be at. I think I\'ve lost quite a bit of fat from the boxing training, but I\'m still the fattest member training. there\'s one guy who is about my height if not an inch taller and he\'s mabye 64kgs. I think his body fat is negative. His name is Sammy, and he\'s got a match on Dec. 5, which I don\'t understand how he\'s ready to fight given that I haven\'t seen him spar, just hit the bag, and the mitts when the Coach is around. He is a tall guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till their burger. The fact that he can go and box without having sparred is ridiculous in my mind. There\'s something that actual practice gives you, the ducking, weaving, bobbing, work along the ropes, that just punching mitts cannot. It\'d be like me playing a game of one-on-one and saying I\'m ready to play a team game, without regard of the fact that passing, rebounding, boxing out play a much bigger role in my mind than just driving, shooting and scoring. \n",1]
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When I got there I took a number of photos of the little kids there and they were all ecstatic. They would run up to see the photo after, even if they weren't in it, and start laughing at their own image. it was nice to hear the kids laughing. Sometimes, I wonder if they really understand their situation. Then again, I'm also making it to be worse sometimes than it really is. This village did have some sort of "movie theatre" some little building which I guess had a screen of some kind. It was locked so I couldn't see into it, but there was some sort of Chuck Norris movie playing. American Invassion (yes, that's how they spelt it on the chalkboard) or something like that.

As for the photos, I've taken over 360 and I'm in one of them - of me interviewing the chairman of one of the farming associations. I haven't been able to publish them to the web b/c the internet is so freakin' slow here so I'm going to burn them to a CD and send them home and get someone there to post them, so please bear with me. I would like you to see them, b/c quite frankly, there's a lot of things that despite my best efforts to describe them, are much better explained in pictorial form. Plus, I save 1000 words typed with every picture you see, sometimes even as many as 1265 words with some of the REALLY good photos.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I haven't lost that much weight. I'm still about 83 kgs which is a far cry from the 90 I topped at at one point this summer, and the 93 kgs I want to be at. I think I've lost quite a bit of fat from the boxing training, but I'm still the fattest member training. there's one guy who is about my height if not an inch taller and he's mabye 64kgs. I think his body fat is negative. His name is Sammy, and he's got a match on Dec. 5, which I don't understand how he's ready to fight given that I haven't seen him spar, just hit the bag, and the mitts when the Coach is around. He is a tall guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till their burger. The fact that he can go and box without having sparred is ridiculous in my mind. There's something that actual practice gives you, the ducking, weaving, bobbing, work along the ropes, that just punching mitts cannot. It'd be like me playing a game of one-on-one and saying I'm ready to play a team game, without regard of the fact that passing, rebounding, boxing out play a much bigger role in my mind than just driving, shooting and scoring.
\n \nThe boxing training is a lot more Richard Simmons than Rockey. That\'s not to say that I\'d expect to hit slabs of meat in a freezer (keep that thought in mind for later when I describe meat in the rural parts of Kenya, but that would be a welcome option). skipping rope, squats, push ups (or what they call press ups here) all make sense. What i don\'t understand is how lifting your left arm above your head, in sync with stepping your left leg forward is going to help make you a better boxer. Every time we do those, or touching the toes, or knee lifts, I\'m having expecting to hear "It\'s my party and I\'ll cry if I want to" or "the do ron-ron" playing overhead. \n\n \nMost of your power comes from your legs, that\'s why Clemens focuses on building his leg muscles in the offseason, but you still need strong tris, chest, back, shoulders and really, Sweatin\' to the Oldies 3 is not going to get you that. I promise before I leave to take photos of the training and even video so you can see it and even design your own workout program to the greatest hits of the 1950s and 1960s. \n\n \nAs for the work I am doing - well this past week I had one focus group and 2 interviews to find out the prospects of organic fertilizer. The focus group consisted of 18 farmers who represent some 500 farmers. It was interesting b/c the women sat on one side of the room and said nothing, while the men did most of the talking. Truth be told, if this was a focus group I was conducting back home, I would consider it seriously flawed. The other interview I conducted was of the chairman of a farming collection. There were some 180 farms in his group. Once again, seriously flawed in my opine - I\'d prefer to get at least a 10 to 25% representation rate, but given where I am and the time and distance involved, i have to take what i can get in terms of market research. \n\n \nThe third interview was with the manager of a flower farm. He was not a Kenyan, but from India or Pakistan. I say this only so you know that not everyone here is Kenyan. Interviewing him was like talking with Mushmouth of Fat Albert\'s gang. I could only catch every 3rd word he was saying, and it was every 4th word that was important to the research I was doing. Reminded me of when I was in law school and one of my profs would lecture with full of "ehs, ums, ahs." I think I had more of those verbal pauses in my notes than actual legal reasoning. \n",1]
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The boxing training is a lot more Richard Simmons than Rockey. That's not to say that I'd expect to hit slabs of meat in a freezer (keep that thought in mind for later when I describe meat in the rural parts of Kenya, but that would be a welcome option). skipping rope, squats, push ups (or what they call press ups here) all make sense. What i don't understand is how lifting your left arm above your head, in sync with stepping your left leg forward is going to help make you a better boxer. Every time we do those, or touching the toes, or knee lifts, I'm having expecting to hear "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" or "the do ron-ron" playing overhead.

Most of your power comes from your legs, that's why Clemens focuses on building his leg muscles in the offseason, but you still need strong tris, chest, back, shoulders and really, Sweatin' to the Oldies 3 is not going to get you that. I promise before I leave to take photos of the training and even video so you can see it and even design your own workout program to the greatest hits of the 1950s and 1960s.

As for the work I am doing - well this past week I had one focus group and 2 interviews to find out the prospects of organic fertilizer. The focus group consisted of 18 farmers who represent some 500 farmers. It was interesting b/c the women sat on one side of the room and said nothing, while the men did most of the talking. Truth be told, if this was a focus group I was conducting back home, I would consider it seriously flawed. The other interview I conducted was of the chairman of a farming collection. There were some 180 farms in his group. Once again, seriously flawed in my opine - I'd prefer to get at least a 10 to 25% representation rate, but given where I am and the time and distance involved, i have to take what i can get in terms of market research.

The third interview was with the manager of a flower farm. He was not a Kenyan, but from India or Pakistan. I say this only so you know that not everyone here is Kenyan. Interviewing him was like talking with Mushmouth of Fat Albert's gang. I could only catch every 3rd word he was saying, and it was every 4th word that was important to the research I was doing. Reminded me of when I was in law school and one of my profs would lecture with full of "ehs, ums, ahs." I think I had more of those verbal pauses in my notes than actual legal reasoning.
\n \nUberdisgusting Site of the Week\n \nToronto Health would have a field day in the rural parts of Kenya. On Friday, in the "restaurant" where we stopped for tea in the little village, there was a goat\'s head in the window of the counter that was going to be cooked and eaten. Later. This counter was just that - not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. BUT, that was only superceded by what I saw in the chariman\'s home - fresh goat intestine, also not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. Not all of Kenya is like this, as I saw refridgerated meat in the club I went to on Saturday night, so don\'t think I\'m eating rancid, disgusting meat, b/c I\'m not. Goat guts is bad enough. Kept at room temperature... \n\n \nSe7en Deadly Sin of the Week\nGluttony: I ate an entire 375g box of Choco Weetabix in under 18 hours, staying up to 4am Sunday, watching Smallville as I polished off the crumbly remnants of the box.\n \nPuzzling Fact about Kenya of the Week\n \nIf homosexuality is illegal here and I\'m sure not really looked too highly upon, why do I see guys holding hands walking down the street? \nSomeone please Google this for me?What is the per capita consumption of toothpaste in Kenya vs. Canada?\n \nBook review of the week:\n \nOut of the 13 books I\'ve brought, I\'ve finished 6 of them, having recently finished Saturday by McEwan and The Wealth and Poverty of Nations. I\'ve read more than 50% of the pages I\'ve brought b/c I\'ve read the two longest books already. \n\n \nIf anyone\'s read Saturday - what are their thoughts? It is well written but I can\'t believe the big deal about the book which talks about one day in the protagonist\'s life.\n \nHeroes: \n1) Justin Morneau for winning the AL MVP. He\'s only the 2nd Cdn ever to win the MVP award in baseball. \n \n2) My buddy, Lior, for doing a big mitzvah by helping me do a big mitzvah.",1]
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Uberdisgusting Site of the Week

Toronto Health would have a field day in the rural parts of Kenya. On Friday, in the "restaurant" where we stopped for tea in the little village, there was a goat's head in the window of the counter that was going to be cooked and eaten. Later. This counter was just that - not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. BUT, that was only superceded by what I saw in the chariman's home - fresh goat intestine, also not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. Not all of Kenya is like this, as I saw refridgerated meat in the club I went to on Saturday night, so don't think I'm eating rancid, disgusting meat, b/c I'm not. Goat guts is bad enough. Kept at room temperature...

Se7en Deadly Sin of the Week
Gluttony: I ate an entire 375g box of Choco Weetabix in under 18 hours, staying up to 4am Sunday, watching Smallville as I polished off the crumbly remnants of the box.

Puzzling Fact about Kenya of the Week

If homosexuality is illegal here and I'm sure not really looked too highly upon, why do I see guys holding hands walking down the street?
Someone please Google this for me?What is the per capita consumption of toothpaste in Kenya vs. Canada?

Book review of the week:

Out of the 13 books I've brought, I've finished 6 of them, having recently finished Saturday by McEwan and The Wealth and Poverty of Nations. I've read more than 50% of the pages I've brought b/c I've read the two longest books already.

If anyone's read Saturday - what are their thoughts? It is well written but I can't believe the big deal about the book which talks about one day in the protagonist's life.

Heroes:
1) Justin Morneau for winning the AL MVP. He's only the 2nd Cdn ever to win the MVP award in baseball.

2) My buddy, Lior, for doing a big mitzvah by helping me do a big mitzvah.
\n \nZeroes:1) The Internet Cafes I was using last week - one of them froze just as I was typing out my 2nd column. Thankfully, I did it in Word and not Gmail otherwise I\'d have had to start over from zero. The Internet cafe I used on Sunday to send it out, completely wiped out everthing I typed so I had to start over.\n\n \n2) The Kenyans who want me to pay them so I can take their photos. Riiiight. The guys who ride the bicycle-taxis, and the one vendor who wanted a contribution of shillings for me to take their photos. Man, everyone is really trying to get something for nothing here!\n\n \nThing I miss this week:Pepsi. Not b/c I drink it b/c I don\'t, but the option of having Pepsi here. Nakuru is a Coca-Cola town. I\'ve only seen Pepsi in one of the grocery stores. Every little road stand, restaurant, bar, pub carries the famous Red and White products.\n\n \nAmusing AIDS "Fact" I heard this week.\nApparently, some people here think that you can get AIDS by shaking hands with a pregnant woman. It wouldn\'t surprise me if anyone in North America also believes such preposterous myths as well.\n \nUntil next week,",1]
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Zeroes:1) The Internet Cafes I was using last week - one of them froze just as I was typing out my 2nd column. Thankfully, I did it in Word and not Gmail otherwise I'd have had to start over from zero. The Internet cafe I used on Sunday to send it out, completely wiped out everthing I typed so I had to start over.

2) The Kenyans who want me to pay them so I can take their photos. Riiiight. The guys who ride the bicycle-taxis, and the one vendor who wanted a contribution of shillings for me to take their photos. Man, everyone is really trying to get something for nothing here!

Thing I miss this week:Pepsi. Not b/c I drink it b/c I don't, but the option of having Pepsi here. Nakuru is a Coca-Cola town. I've only seen Pepsi in one of the grocery stores. Every little road stand, restaurant, bar, pub carries the famous Red and White products.

Amusing AIDS "Fact" I heard this week.
Apparently, some people here think that you can get AIDS by shaking hands with a pregnant woman. It wouldn't surprise me if anyone in North America also believes such preposterous myths as well.

Until next week,

jacob

Jambo, Jambo. I'm at a place I call Vertigo

Morning!

By now, I'm sure you've all rushed out to buy the National Post, wondering if I'm in it today. I think it is going to be a weekly or bi-weekly column. More likely the latter, unless I find that there's more material than I can fit into the 500 I'm being allotted. Or if I find that I need the money. Yes, I'm now a pro. I'm willing to forego my eligibility in the journalism olympics to earn a little extra cash. Now, I earn six figures a month, assuming you include the decimal places. The column will appear on Wednesdays in the FP Working section. I do encourage you to buy it, please! You guys already have the benefit of getting these e-mails for free, and the Post is paying me a whopping $200 a column. I could live like a king in Kenya on that amount. Don't worry, I do have to come back to Canada. The gala scene in Kenya is hurtin'.

A little more details on my visit to the church. I only went b/c I was kind of curious to see what service was like. It's mostly just a bunch of singing, and the pastor (I think it was him) gave an interesting speech, but I've pretty much forgotten it since then. I had no idea what to do, so I just followed along. When the congregation stood up, I stood up. When they clapped, I clapped. When they threw their hands way up in the air, and waved them all around like the just didn't care, I threw my hands, well, you get the picture. Basically, it was no different from what I do those very rare occasions at synagogue (last two visits: September 2006, January 2003) - stand when everyone else stands; say 'amen' when everyone else says 'amen' and refrain from asking when we discuss Jesus. I do not think I will be going back to church while I'm in Kenya. Been there; done that.

Who says you can't go home again?
I went back to the dumpsite again last Monday to conduct an interview of the Secretary of the CBO there to find out info about the time it takes to make compost piles. The information I get from him is so inconsistent it would give a time-motion study expert headaches. One day it takes 10 people 10 hours to make 10 piles, the next time he tells me it is 22 people 10 hours to make 20 piles. Why do I need to know this? I have to cost the input of the compost being made which is very labour intensive, so I have to figure out the amount of labour that goes into it. I was supposed to go back on Friday to finish, and attend their meeting, but I had to meet with some potential customers, but I didn't really say much, so I have to question why I went. I was hoping to go back to see my two little friends - the two guys with the biggest smiles ever.

Most of you will be pleased to know that I've managed to upgrade my diet from the orphan-style gruel I was eating to proper porridge. I've bought Quaker Oats White Oats at the grocery store and the kitchen staff at the hotel has agreed to cook it for me for only 20 shillings. So far, out of the 4 times I have had it, it's been a 50% success ratio: 2 times they've gotten it to look, feel, taste like porridge; the other 2, not so much. More like an oats soup.

Titilating quote in Kenya after one month:

"Kenya is fond of the cock." This was said by my colleague on the first day when I asked about the statute in Nairobi with what appeared to be a giant rooster. I've attached the picture. The cock is everywhere in Kenya, if you look on the logo, it's on the shield. Then again, who are we to make fun, our national animal is the beaver. (Would you people get your heads out of the gutter!?)

Uber Creepy Site of the Week

I saw a lady selling fish on the street. Not prepared fish, and not fish in a mobile refrigeration unit, but fish. Just fish, on the sidewalk (they were laid out on a tarp). As much as I love fish, to say I'm hesitant to buy fish from someone randomly off the street would not do my apprehension justice. I don't even buy hot dogs from street vendors in the T-dot.

Workin' for the man

Ok, I know we all bitch about work, and I'll admit, I'm learning some stuff that while interesting, will probably never be useful again (I promise not to discuss compost techniques at a dinner party), but the most frustrating thing is the way there is such disconnect among the people involved in the project, and to be honest, I think they leaped into this project without properly examining the necessary background information. Example: one of the umbrella organizations for farmers is requesting that the standards body certify the product. This hasn't been done yet, and if the organization for the smaller farmers is requesting it, I'd be willing to bet that the larger farmers would expect the same.

I may be going on a road trip to meet with farmers to ask them about the products they use, what they look for in a product etc. in the next few days. A business trip - just without the plush hotels, expense trip for meals and business class travel. I'm also going to have to go visit stockists in Nakuru to see what fertilizer products they stock and how they decide to buy new ones, to get a sense of the level of competition here. Unfortunately, a lack of access to resources is one of the biggest impediments of the job. I'm sure back home, most of this information would be available with a quick Google search.
Welcome to the Jungle
I've found a Serengetti Safari from Dec. 25 for 5 days. I am going to try to get out of the office on the 20th of December to head over to Rwanda on that day to see the Genocide memorial. The other option is to head over to Rwanda as of Dec. 29 and then head back to to Nakuru. The big appeal of Rwanda is the Genocide museum. I think it is important that we never forget that hatred exists in the world, more so when it is based on something as stupid as the height of the bridge of the nose.
Heroes and Zeroes:

Heroes:

1) The 4 young expats who are coming back to Nakuru in May to oversee the construction of a maternity ward for pregnant women who are HIV/AIDS positive. They are all in their 20s, and 2 of them are Canadians, who are going to throw a fundraising party of sorts in Montreal. I'm planning on organizing another Pink Party for late August. Keep your calendars open. 2) Nancy - for sending me a copy of my own article. Needless to say, they don't get the National Post here in Nakuru, and while I wrote the column, it's always exciting to read your own name in print. More so when it is something good and not bad. Like the time my cousin's then wife crashed a car with Roberto Alomar and Devon White in it just before game 3 of the 1992 World Series. Sure, there was the "Kojfman" name in black and white, just the rest of it wasn't so good. 3) Everyone who has taken the time to write to me. I promise to reply to everyone. I am going to make a concerted effort to write to everyone while I'm here outside of the massive missives but please bear with me.

Zeroes:

1) Kenyan government - where a government lets its people live in a dump site, there is something seriously wrong.

2) Kenyan drivers - they drive like maniacs! There's nary a stop sign in sight, and the only stop light I've seen in Nakuru is not even working.

3) Municipal gov't of Nakuru - for being so gosh darn corrupt. 85 million shillings has gone missing from the coffers of the city.

4) U2 - as frequently as I will praise the Torys, I will diss U2. They are releasing another compilation CD tomorrow and the limited edition will include a DVD of 10 songs from the Milan concert during the summer of 2005. I will probably (read: definitely) buy said CD and DVD combo, but I know deep down that U2 will release a full fledged version of the Milan concert, which I will also buy. U2 is like a Tim Horton's franchise: it's a license to print money.
The "You're going to Kenya? What are you thinking?" award this week goes to: The Blue Jays for pursuing the Big Hurt. I think Thomas is a great hitter and a surefire Hall of Famer, but the Jays already have V. Wells, Rios, Glaus, Overbay who can all hit at least 20 to 30 HRs. What are they going to do? Just score in double digits to win every game? Unless they're getting Thomas to trade some of their bats for some pitching. Halladay can only pitch every 5th game, and Burnett, you're lucky if you get 3/4 of a season out of him. Let's face it: the Josh Towers experiment - the pitching equivalent of the Bay of Pigs. Thing I'm missing this week: Chocolate chip cookies. I have yet to see one, so I'm hurting. Needless to say, please, over the next few months, track down the best chocolate chip cookie so I know which one to indulge. I promised myself that when I get back all my healthy eating habits will return, but I do want to have at least one chocolate chip cookie.Product that is a must have in Kenya (besides Purell):This rain coat has been worth every penny. Well, when I remember to wear it. I've been wearing it twice (at least) when it's rained and it's kept me dryer than half of the bar ads lectures. Simply a must if you come to East Africa. Plus, it rolls into a little sack which is convenient to use as a pillow or for throwing. This e-mail is brought to you by the letters K and V, and the numbers 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 25.
I'm not 100% sure if I'll be in this Wednesday's Post (Working Section) so I can only recommend that you check, but if I am, then please someone send me a PDF copy so I can send it out to you to read for the weekend. Till next Monday...

Week 4 update

Hello everyone,

Now that I have been here over three weeks, I find myself settling into a routine of sorts, but I'm still hoping to mix in some exciting adventures such as going on excursions to those other parts of Kenya and East Africa over the next few weeks.

My trip to the dumpsite last week took an unexpected setback. On Monday morning, when we arrived, the inhabitants of the dump that I was going to see were not working on the compost piles, but rather were involved in a tree rehabilitation project, planting trees to replace those that had been eaten by the goats. Environmental rehab is a big thing here in Nakuru.

Nakuru used to be one of the more beautiful towns in Kenya, but now, and I can confirm this (and will send photos later) it is actually, for the most part, a dump. You can't walk three feet without seeing garbage on the ground, and it really takes its toll on this otherwise picturesque little area.

The meeting at the dump was moved to Friday, which was then rescheduled because on Friday I was having a meeting with one of the people from the NGO's head office in the UK to discuss expectations. My role seems to be constantly changing, and while I'm going to focus on the marketing aspect of this product, I think that if I have time, they want me to research and learn about compost policy b/c it is an area that could be of great benefit to Nakuru.

The project, in my opinion, has taken an interesting turn. Selling fertilizer type products is not as easy as selling beer to a Canadian. For one thing, the farmers want to be able to see a demonstration of the product, which means that such demos have to be done closer to where the farmers are, that's the first logistical issue. The second, which is a much more pressing issue, is the fact that such demos take an entire growing season. Unlike tastings with beer, you have to apply the organic fertilizer and wait for the crops to grow. Not an overnight process. Personally, I think that the NGO and the Co-operative failed to do the proper research. They say the market is there - out of a 10 000 farmer lot just in the Nakuru area, surely they can sell this product to some. However, I'm not really sure they did the proper market research, and really made the decision to go into this line of work b/c of the readily available inputs - the compost. I'm off to a meeting this morning with an NGO that represents farmers in the area to discuss the support they are going to give the farmers.

Well, I did buy a TV and DVD player this Friday and a few DVDs, all on the black market. I can now be labelled a pirate and branded with the "P" that was placed on Captain Jack Sparrow. How do I know that they are illegal? Well, for starters, when there are DVDs for sale that have not yet been released on Amazon.com (and no, I don't think the market in Kenya gets products before the Americans), that's one tell tale sign. The others, when they are being sold out of a box on the street, and the third when instead of the fancy label on the disk, it is left white with the words "Inside Man A" written on the disc... well... I'm on to them. When I leave here in April, I'm going to donate the TV, DVD player and my ill gotten treasure to a local orphanage, probably the one that houses HIV/AIDS orphan, and return to my non-pirating ways upon my return to the Western World.

One of the DVDs I bought was Season 1 of Smallville, which may be the most addicting thing this side of Cap'n Crunch. It's pretty interesting how they can do so much with so little, and the constraints they face. Although, if I have one critique of the show, it is that sometimes the bad guys are kind of unoriginal in that they seem to be either recycled from other villains ( i.e. there was one villain who could turn his hands into knife-type objects and then when you punched him, you would go right through him as if he was made of liquid - sound familiar?). I think next weekend, I'll have to spend more of it reading to make up for this past weekend's lack thereof... but I'm 1/2 way through The Wealth and Poverty of Nations which may be the most boring book I've ever read.

If there's one thing (other than the teeth issue) that is driving me crazy about Kenya is that they drive on the wrong side of the road here. It's called the RIGHT side of the road b/c it is the RIGHT, i.e. correct side to drive. I think the only thing worse is that there are no stop signs at all and the only stoplight, I've never seen it operating. Like most cities, there are taxis here, which is usually a flat rate of 150 ksh for a ride in town. There's no meters in the cabs, and no licensing. All you need is a car and a driver's license. The other way to engage in public transit is here on the back of a bicycle. There is a cushioned seat on above the back wheel where passengers can sit. I have seen some really cute kids being shuffled about town in this manner. I can tell you right now, there is a zero percent chance I'm getting on the back of one of those suckers. First off, the cyclists, cycle like maniacs. Second of all, no helmets. When I told someone here that in Canada, when we ride a bike, we wear a helmet (well some of us do). Their response: because of the cold. Apparently, everyone else in the world thinks we live in this Arctic wasteland where it is cold all the time. Our summers are hotter than here in Kenya, thanks to the humidity.

Last week, I was flipping through one of the local papers and I came across the death announcements. The headline "Promotion to Glory" caught my eye, and I wondered why they would put good news about someone's career advancement in the obituaries page. I asked this from my colleagues, and it turns out, Promotion to Glory is not a career advancement so much. I wonder if such a title could gain popularity in Canada's obits?

I attended my first (and last) church service yesterday, to see what it was like. I went with a couple of the waitresses from the hotel where I'm staying at. One of them says that everyone should go to church, b/c it is good for them. I think the fact that I'm not a Christian, and that to the best of my knowledge, non-Christians don't attend church is lost on her. I think that their exposure to other religions and the fact that non-Christians, don't partake in the same pasttimes and activities as the Christians is really lost on them.

I've come to the realization that I really miss pasta, as the spaghetti and meat sauce I've had here has been less than appetizing to say the least, and the quest for a good burger is usually hit or miss. I mostly eat beef stew at the hotel I'm staying at and fruit salad for my meals there.

The mindset of Kenyans is very different from our mindsets. For starters, one of my colleagues said that Canada and the US are "too liberal" in his opinion. Funny, here people discuss politics openly, whereas, in Canada we often shy away from such contentious issues. I was having a coffee with some musungus (non-Kenyans, but usually referred to white people) and one of them was telling me how she was talking with Kenyans and they were surprised that she would trust her boyfriend back home to not cheat on her while she was here. It's just an entirely different way of thinking, and it seems that they don't have the same level of trust that we back in North America do have.

Here are my closing thoughts of this week.
Heroes and Zeroes

Heroes:

1) My young cousin Amit, who at 17 has done something that the Beatles, Bon Jovi or the Backstreet Boys have never done - last week she performed in front of 100,000 people, and did so quite admirably from what I hear. If you're interest, she's available for weddings, engagement parties, and mitzvahs, both bar and bat.

2) Voters in South Dakota - for voting against a proposition that would've been the most restrictive in terms of a woman's right to choose.

3) The Democrats in the US for taking both the Senate and the House. Here's hoping they could find a suitable presidential candidate, something that is much harder than it appears.

Zeroes:

1) My breakfast on Friday - which contributed to a not-so-good feeling in my stomach, and I'll spare you the details but let's just say, it was not pretty.

2) My colleague who last Wednesday stiffed me with the bill for dinner and the cabs. I'm not sure if there's a custom here that the person who does the inviting does the paying, but needless to say, I'm going to be curtailing my invitations to dinner from now on.

3) Canadian businesses - here's a crack I'm taking, but for good reason. In Kenya, one of the biggest cell phone providers is Safaricom, whose logo bears a striking resemblance to that of Vodafone... the latter owning 40% of Safaricom. BP is here, too. Where are the Canadian players on the international scene?

Thing I miss the most:

1) My iPod, Beaker. Yes, I've named it after the Muppet scientist who spoke no English. It's locked away in the security desk of the hotel where I'm staying.

2) Brunch - I'm dying for a waffle or french toast. Do they have brunch in the UK?

Till next time,

jacob

MONDAY MORNING JAMBOS

Jambo, everybody.

First off, a Wannakum, to those from my trip to India in, who are
being added to this broadcast e-mail, since I now have their
addresses, and welcome to anyone else.

I still can't believe how the Cardinals beat the Tigers. What a great
World Series. My prediction for 2007 right now: Minnesota Twins. Then
again, I also thought that they'd win in 2006, so don't blame me if it
doesn't come true.

Takin' Care of Business

Before, I get accused of accused actually hiding out in a basement
somewhere, feeding you information about Kenya that I'm getting off of
Wikipedia, I should probably tell you what I'm actually doing in
Kenya.

I'm here helping a small business with it's marketing strategy. The
product is organic fertilizer, so the work is literally sh*t.
Basically, this co-operative called NAWACOM makes this fertilizer and
is hoping to sell it. NAWACOM is part of an income-generating
activity to help the poor people here in Nakuru.

NAWACOM gets its raw materials, the compost, from community based
organizations that are selling it to NAWACOM, at approx. 6 shillings
per kg. NAWACOM then adds a few other raw materials to it, mixes it
up and bags it.

So here's where I come in. Basically, I have to help sell this stuff.
That doesn't mean that I'm going door-to-door with organic fertilizer
on my back trying to hock it. Rather, I have to help devise a strategy
to sell it, from start to finish.

Right now the price it is set for sale may not be the best price. So
one of the first things I had to do was figure out what are the costs
that go into making a bag of this stuff. Very easy to figure out the
cost of raw materials, not so easy to figure out the other costs:
labour, overhead, fixed asset allocation, and other fun accounting
stuff, I haven't done since the Clinton Administration.

As for the labour, to make this product has a labour component too -
sifting the different types of compost, adding the right mix of other
raw materials, scooping it in the machine, etc. So far, the labour
has been entirely voluntary. Part of the information I had to gather
last week when I went to the site was to determine how much labour is
actually involved. I've managed to get a rough estimate, but I think
that to get a proper measure of how much labour is needed, then time
trials will have to be done at some point in the near future.

Just like any good consultant, I am visiting the suppliers of the raw
materials. Except, the purpose of visiting the compost of the
suppliers, is to find out how much labour they put into making the
compost, so that others can mimic it if they want to make compost as a
means of income. (Don't laugh, some lady here made a killing from
waste paper - she drives a BMW).

So on Friday, they took me to the 'factory' where they make the
compost. And by 'factory' I mean dumpsite, and today I have to go back
to conduct interviews, to figure out the costs.

I can't exactly say I'm too thrilled to go back to the dumpsite for
three main reasons (If you call me a 'prince' for reasons 1 & 2, I
will not disagree with you!):

1) Hygiene - running around to garbage sites does not exactly scream
to me of good hygiene. Needless to say, I will be having a long
shower tonight when I get home, and will be using LOTS of Purell-type
products, immediately after I leave.

2) Animals - on Friday, I noticed pigs, goats, dogs, some rather large
looking birds. It basically looked like a casting call for some sort
of live-action Disney-type movie. Don't get me wrong, I like animals,
but only when they are leashed, zooed or on a plate next to some
vegetables. The fact that there are so many of them running loose
freaks me out.

3) It is really heartbreaking to see that this is how the people live.
There are certain images in history that resonate with us - the one
of the little girl running out of the forest in Viet Nam as the US
drops Agent Orange; the one of the guy in some US makeshift jail,
holding his hooded, dead son. Last week, as part of the background
info on all of this, I read an article in "Waste Digest" (I don't
subscribe to it, but it's here in the office), about scavengers -
people who live at the waste dump and wait for the trucks to bring the
daily garbage, so they can go through it, looking for items to sell,
or even worse, to eat. It's one thing to read about it, another thing
to see it. The people who make the compost, live at the dumpsite.
There were two little boys, couldn't have been older than 8 or 9 (I'm
a horrible guesstimator of age), who had the most warming, welcoming
smiles when I said "Jambo" to them, and they are living surrounded by
flies, at the dumpsite. It's very heartbreaking. Madonna, where are
you?! You need to adopt these two little boys ASAP.

So, basically, my job here is to help sell sh*t so these people can
improve their lives and hopefully get out of the dumpsite. No
pressure. Although, on Friday, I did find out an interesting piece of
info - the flower industry, which would be a major purchaser of this
product, could be moving out of Kenya, to surrounding countries, which
would be a MAJOR setback for the product. It's one thing to lose a
key customer, but to lose an entire industry...

Blame it on the rain...

It rained here last week. Hard. I was warned that I'd be here during
rainy season, so I bought a real rain coat, breathable, in case I'm
ever inspired to go running in the rain (so far, inspiration level to
run even when not raining: 0). I can deal with the rain, I have my
protection. There's also covered sidewalks, and buildings to duck in
and out of. But, what I can't deal with, is the fact that the Nakuru
drainage system: non-existent. Not only, did I have to worry about
getting wet from the rain above, but from the water running off of
roofs, and the streets turned into one giant lake. Water was coming
up and beyond my ankles. This was last Wednesday, and I think my shoes
are still soaked from the little trek I took. I don't even think
taking a cab is an option when it rains because the cars can't go
anywhere. Clearly, instead of five pairs of shoes, I should've
brought one inflatable raft.

Stranger in a strange land

Well, I've managed to meet some other ex-pats, and surprisingly, a
number of Canadians, at least 4 by my count, so it's nice to have the
company of others who are here doing similar work. It's also helped
alleviat the loneliness of being here, which is the biggest drawback.
The fact that I'm 8 hours ahead of EST and 11 hours ahead of PST (the
two time zones where I have the most readers), makes for communication
during the day next to impossible. I do appreciate receiving
correspondence, so please, go forth, be fruitful and e-mail.

The Hurricane

Under the watchful eye of a coach who looks like he could be portrayed
by Robert Guillaume if there's ever a story made of his life, I've
begun training at a boxing club - the Nakuru Boxing Association. I've
been accepted by the locals, and I think I'm the oldest one training
there, although, one of the youths told me that there was a 40-year
old. I'm not going to lie, it is killing me. The first day I trained,
I thought I was going to throw up. For all those of you who think you
are in great shape (or even excellent shape), I challenge you to try
their workout. Aside from skipping for about an hour, there's an hour
of calisthenics, and body exercises - squats, crunches, push ups,
jumpings. My calves and legs were killing me at the end of the week.
In order to protecty my weary old body, I think I'm going to have to
only go 3 to 4 days a week as opposed to the 5 that most of the kids
there train.

The equipment they train in, is quite sad. Torn t-shirts and shoes
that are ripped at the sides is what they use. I'm not paying
anything for the training, so when I leave, I will give the coach a
few thousand shillings so the guys can get some proper equipment. I'll
probably leave behind the pair of basketball shoes I brought (one of
the five pairs of shoes) so someone can use them. These kids are all
very fit and thin and are still trying to 'make weight'. David is
trying to get down from 72 kgs to 60 kg, and he's at 69 as of last
week. I don't see where he has 9 kgs to lose. They don't drink any
water while they work out, while I guzzle almost a litre of it to
avoid dehydration. Apparently, Sammy, one of the taller, much leaner
kids, tells me that he doesn't drink anything until 2 hours after.
I'm doing this to keep fit, and the exercises will hopefully make me a
better defender for basketball when I get back since there's a lot of
foot work exercises, and a much better rebounder, sill all I'm doing
here is jumping. I'm hoping to come back like Ron Artest - just not
as crazy as him. I don't know if I'll take part in any sparring
activities since I left my mouthguard in Toronto, since I don't want
to come back with dental work resembling a native Kenyan. (I cannot
wait to get back to Canada to see proper teeth. I am going to be in
London for a week before I get back to Canada, so I'll be in the
country where dental negligence was invented and perfected).

Crazy

I'm starting to go stir crazy here in Nakuru. In a few weeks, once I
figure out logistics, I'll go to some of the nearby towns to visit
them, but on the weekends here, I can only sleep to stave off total
boredom. I think I'm going to invest in a TV and DVD player (I regret
not buying the portable combo one at Walmart for $90 before I left).
But, if I buy said electronics, would I actually succumb to buying
pirated DVDs? There's a 5-movie DVD of Denzel Washington movies
(Remember the Titans, which is one of my faves, John Q and the
Manchurian Candidate, I've never seen either, Out of Time, which has
some of the greatest lines ever, and Training Day) and I also saw a
DVD of the Inside Man, so I can obviously compare which Denzel is
best: clean shaven; goateed; or mustachioed. I'm very much against
buying pirated DVDs and music, so this is a real moral dilemma for me.

I'm doing a lot of reading, but I still think that my brain needs a
break. On Sunday, I read some 300 pages, between 3 books. I finished A
Fine Balance, which is now the longest book I have ever read at 719
pages, and last year I promised myself that I wouldn't read anything
more than 450 pages. I also finished The Broker, by Grisham, which as
usual, I get sucked in by a catchy title, only to be disappointed by
the ending. Again. Why, John, why? Every time, I think I'm out, he
pulls me back in!

I started The Wealth and Poverty of Nations, and The House of Sleep on
Sunday, and since I'm already finished 20% of both of them, we'll see
how quickly my box o' books (12 of them I brought, 3 are done) lasts
me.

The office is closed from Dec. 20 to Jan. 2, so I think I'm going to
take a tour of the dark continent during those 13 days - with stops in
Uganda, and Rwanda, and probably a safari in the Serengetti.

For those who missed Issues 1 and 2, you can catch them at
kenyajacob.blogspot.com. I should have them up and running by the end
of today.

Since I have your attention, here's where I'm going to share with you
my Hero and Zero of the week, where I give respect and dis, someone or
something, respectively.

Hero: The Conservatives - for plugging the tax leak from the income
trusts structure. If individuals have to pay taxes, why shouldn't
corporations. Bell and Telus were going to save some 1.5 billion total
by converting to trusts. This is one of the few times, you'll EVER
see me compliment the Tories. I would've done the same thing if I was
Finance Minister.

Zero: The Conservatives - b/c Stephen Harper wants to reopen the
debate on same-sex marriage. Let it go, Stephen. Most Canadians don't
care anymore. While you're at it, why not reopen the debate on whether
Canada should get involved in the US invasion of Iraq, or even WWI.

So, this week, my Hero and Zero are the same, so I have to pick new ones.

Hero - that police officer who caught that pedophile online. It's
quite a sad world we live in sometimes, even in our own country
(Canada, for the benefit of the Americans reading this), but it's good
to know that there are people out there trying to make it better and
keep it safe.

Zero - this keyboard I'm using. The @ key is not above the "2", and
the " is not where it should be, so it causes me to slow down my
typing. Real annoying.

Koheri,


jacob

THE NEXT FEW DAYS

Jambo everybody again,

First off, a few clarifications:

1) Jambo is the proper word for "hello" in Swahilli. Jambon means "ham" in French. To my kosher and halal playahs, I apologize

2) My novel has nothing to do with Kenya. It is about young, urban professionals who are self-absorbed in their own little world. I don't think they'd know anything about Kenya other than "it's in Africa which means there's a lot of AIDS there". If there's any females out there who are interested in reading a segment or two, please let me know. I have my two main "commentors" but they are both males, and women buy more books than men.

3) Thank you everyone for the safety tips. I've seen enough after-school specials to heed your warnings. I was not saying anything to solicit suggestions about the HIV problem in Kenya, just making an observation. If I tell any of you that I'm going skydiving, please refrain from stating the obvious and telling me to bring a parachute.

It's a very interesting place, Kenya. Nothing like I've ever seen before, and I've been to Chicago.

I managed to get lost on my very 2nd day in Nakuru. Rather than take the ride to the office, I decided to walk that Friday morning, and walk I did. Just the wrong way. I had to call my boss here, thankfully, I had her cell phone no. on me, to redirect me. So far, I haven't gotten lost since then. It's quite a small town, Nakuru, and I'm pretty sure I can walk most of it in well under an hour. But, I have no intentions of going into the slum part of Nakuru.

Walking in town, I am constantly harassed by the vendors to buy their "merchandise", and for most of them, I use that term VERY loosely. Crap is more like it. I mean seriously, what am I going to do with a copy of Schwarzennegger's Commando on VHS. Now, if it was Kindergarten Cop, his 3rd greatest performance (in order: 1) convincing the voters of CA that's he fit to run their state; 2) T2; 4) The Running Man), then maybe, that'd be a different story. Of course, I'd have to have a VHS player, either here or in Toronto, but that's just details, baby, details.
\n \nOne of the biggest things that takes hold is the difference in prices here. For 155 ksh, just over $2 US, I can eat an omlette, porridge, fruit salad and a cup of coffee for breakfast. I spent 300 ksh on a jar of Skippy (now, more than ever, I\'m going to opt for "name brand" products). My jumping rope, needed for the boxing gym, cost 410 ksh. \n\n \nCost of food: Advantage Kenya\n \nYes, I\'m joining a boxing gym. This will hopefully keep me semi-occupied in the evenings and weekends and allow me to come back even fitter than ever. I\'m still looking for a basketball court to not only maintain but improve my skills. I may buy one to just dribble in front of the hotel, since that is the part of my game that needs the most work. Well, my dunking too, but as Wesley Snipes taught us white men can\'t jump. Speaking of good ol\' Wesley, is he still on the run or has Robert Downey Jr. caught him yet? \n\n \nHere, everyone uses cell phones. So, it is very much like Canada. There\'s no flat rate plans, just really those pay-as-you-go models, and much like in Canada, you can buy the cards everywhere. Well, in Canada, you can only buy them at drug stores, grocery stores, c-stores, gas stations, general retailers, like Wal-mart, Canadian Tire, electronics stores, but not from some random dude on the street. So ALMOST everywhere. \n\n \nIn Kenya, there are literally everywhere. There\'s people on the streets selling them. I think I saw a guy who had no arms selling them. So, really, you can get them everywhere.\n \nAdvantage: Kenya\n \nThe lingo is really odd too - cell phone cards are called "scratch cards" which really make me think of those scratch lotteries, that I got addicted to during the summer of 1997, when I worked at the Province of Ontario Savings Office, and had nothing to do, and started to play the scratch and win cards b/c the other employees were doing so. It\'s been over 9 years since I last played. I just have to take each day, one at a time. \n",1]
);
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One of the biggest things that takes hold is the difference in prices here. For 155 ksh, just over $2 US, I can eat an omlette, porridge, fruit salad and a cup of coffee for breakfast. I spent 300 ksh on a jar of Skippy (now, more than ever, I'm going to opt for "name brand" products). My jumping rope, needed for the boxing gym, cost 410 ksh.

Cost of food: Advantage Kenya

Yes, I'm joining a boxing gym. This will hopefully keep me semi-occupied in the evenings and weekends and allow me to come back even fitter than ever. I'm still looking for a basketball court to not only maintain but improve my skills. I may buy one to just dribble in front of the hotel, since that is the part of my game that needs the most work. Well, my dunking too, but as Wesley Snipes taught us white men can't jump. Speaking of good ol' Wesley, is he still on the run or has Robert Downey Jr. caught him yet?

Here, everyone uses cell phones. So, it is very much like Canada. There's no flat rate plans, just really those pay-as-you-go models, and much like in Canada, you can buy the cards everywhere. Well, in Canada, you can only buy them at drug stores, grocery stores, c-stores, gas stations, general retailers, like Wal-mart, Canadian Tire, electronics stores, but not from some random dude on the street. So ALMOST everywhere.

In Kenya, there are literally everywhere. There's people on the streets selling them. I think I saw a guy who had no arms selling them. So, really, you can get them everywhere.

Advantage: Kenya

The lingo is really odd too - cell phone cards are called "scratch cards" which really make me think of those scratch lotteries, that I got addicted to during the summer of 1997, when I worked at the Province of Ontario Savings Office, and had nothing to do, and started to play the scratch and win cards b/c the other employees were doing so. It's been over 9 years since I last played. I just have to take each day, one at a time.
\n \nFor those who do not own cell phones in Kenya, have no fear, there\'s no shortage of pay phones. Except pay phones here are a cottage industry. In some cases, there\'s someone just sitting at a table with a telephone, and I think some sort of device where they input their pay-as-you-go codes, or there\'s someone sitting in a little booth. I promise, to take pictures and show you. I haven\'t sent out any pictures b/c I can barely master the task of uploading my photos at home, and here, I have to ask people for their permission, so I want to master the phrase in Swahili. Right now, my 13 hours of sleep a day is interfering with that task. But, I promise you, before I leave Nakuru, you will have photos of said phone booths. \n\n \nI\'m not 100% sure anymore, and I saw a bunch of them on Monday, but I\'m pretty sure they are tourists, but I think I\'m one of only 2 white people in Nakuru. The other one, I met on Sunday, and it turns out he\'s CEO of the Nakuru Business Association, an organization Practical Action (my NGO) is involved with. Too small a world. I saw a bunch of "whiteys" (I can\'t remember the term the Kenyans use to describe us pigmentally challenged folk) on Saturday at Lake Nakuru, but seeing white people at touristy things does not count. It\'s like seeing a see of Yankees hats at Skydome and concluding that Toronto has a lot of Yankees\' fans. \n\n \nOne other observation I\'ve made is that there is an awful lot of print shops in Nakuru. I don\'t think there are as many in the downtown core of Toronto along the PATH as there are in Nakuru. I have to wonder what these people are getting printed. \n\n \nBefore I left, one of my colleagues raved about the coffee from Kenya. His exact words were that it was the best in the world, hands down. Well, since I\'ve been here, I\'ve only been served Nescafe instant coffee at my hotel in Nakuru. This is someone whom I respect very much, so I\'m giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were obviously not referring to Nescafe as the best in the world, especially, the instant kind that you pour out of an individual packet. \n",1]
);
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For those who do not own cell phones in Kenya, have no fear, there's no shortage of pay phones. Except pay phones here are a cottage industry. In some cases, there's someone just sitting at a table with a telephone, and I think some sort of device where they input their pay-as-you-go codes, or there's someone sitting in a little booth. I promise, to take pictures and show you. I haven't sent out any pictures b/c I can barely master the task of uploading my photos at home, and here, I have to ask people for their permission, so I want to master the phrase in Swahili. Right now, my 13 hours of sleep a day is interfering with that task. But, I promise you, before I leave Nakuru, you will have photos of said phone booths.

I'm not 100% sure anymore, and I saw a bunch of them on Monday, but I'm pretty sure they are tourists, but I think I'm one of only 2 white people in Nakuru. The other one, I met on Sunday, and it turns out he's CEO of the Nakuru Business Association, an organization Practical Action (my NGO) is involved with. Too small a world. I saw a bunch of "whiteys" (I can't remember the term the Kenyans use to describe us pigmentally challenged folk) on Saturday at Lake Nakuru, but seeing white people at touristy things does not count. It's like seeing a see of Yankees hats at Skydome and concluding that Toronto has a lot of Yankees' fans.

One other observation I've made is that there is an awful lot of print shops in Nakuru. I don't think there are as many in the downtown core of Toronto along the PATH as there are in Nakuru. I have to wonder what these people are getting printed.

Before I left, one of my colleagues raved about the coffee from Kenya. His exact words were that it was the best in the world, hands down. Well, since I've been here, I've only been served Nescafe instant coffee at my hotel in Nakuru. This is someone whom I respect very much, so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were obviously not referring to Nescafe as the best in the world, especially, the instant kind that you pour out of an individual packet.
\n \nOn my first Saturday in Nakuru, I went to Lake Nakuru, where I got to see a plethora of wild animals in their natural habitat. I got up early to take the Kenyan Wildlife Services bus which I thought departs at 9 am. I learned a valuable lesson in Kenyan Standard Time. For those familiar with IST, you know it is an approximation of a time - usually there\'s a 15 to 20 minute delay. KST is a whole new world. This 9 am bus - left at 11:28 am for Lake Nakuru from the departure point, b/c it had to wait for the bus to fill up. Thankfully, at 11:28 am, a whole bunch of kids from a school showed up, otherwise, my first attempt at seeing a touristy type thing could\'ve ended up just been me sitting around on a bus, all day. The wheels on that bus were not going round and round for a good \n2.5 hours. I was less than pleased.\n \nWhile, I didn\'t see lions and tigers and bears (oh my), I did see giraffes, and wildabeests and baboons, and zebras, and water buffaloes and pink flamingos (they really do exist outside of a cheap tackey plastic lawn ornament. I am by no means a nature person. I hate camping and will never go camping, and think that if you can\'t have fun in a suit and tie, then you\'re just not trying, but there is still something magical about seeing animals in a setting besides a zoo. Besides, how many of us have been to the zoo since we were 10? I did take pictures, but my paltry 3X zoom does not do the site justice. I think the most impressive thing was seeing the white rhinos up close. We came across a mother nursing her baby (quite a big baby) on the road and had to wait for them to move across. \n\n \nThe first dinner I had while in Kenya (I slept through dinner when I was in Nairobi) was a fish stew. This was not a stew, at least not by my definition (and what would be most people\'s definition of \'stew). It was a whole fish, complete with head still attached (I don\'t like to have my food look at me while I eat it, so even when I eat lobster, I turn his head the other way so I don\'t have to feel bad), and covered in some sort of sauce. To me, that\'s not a stew but "fish covered with sauce." Then again, I don\'t think I\'d have ordered something called "fish covered in sauce", so maybe they\'re better off from a marketing point of view of calling it "fish stew". Either way, I don\'t think I\'ll order it again. Too many bones - I want my eating to take less effort than my cooking. \n",1]
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On my first Saturday in Nakuru, I went to Lake Nakuru, where I got to see a plethora of wild animals in their natural habitat. I got up early to take the Kenyan Wildlife Services bus which I thought departs at 9 am. I learned a valuable lesson in Kenyan Standard Time. For those familiar with IST, you know it is an approximation of a time - usually there's a 15 to 20 minute delay. KST is a whole new world. This 9 am bus - left at 11:28 am for Lake Nakuru from the departure point, b/c it had to wait for the bus to fill up. Thankfully, at 11:28 am, a whole bunch of kids from a school showed up, otherwise, my first attempt at seeing a touristy type thing could've ended up just been me sitting around on a bus, all day. The wheels on that bus were not going round and round for a good 2.5 hours. I was less than pleased.

While, I didn't see lions and tigers and bears (oh my), I did see giraffes, and wildabeests and baboons, and zebras, and water buffaloes and pink flamingos (they really do exist outside of a cheap tackey plastic lawn ornament. I am by no means a nature person. I hate camping and will never go camping, and think that if you can't have fun in a suit and tie, then you're just not trying, but there is still something magical about seeing animals in a setting besides a zoo. Besides, how many of us have been to the zoo since we were 10? I did take pictures, but my paltry 3X zoom does not do the site justice. I think the most impressive thing was seeing the white rhinos up close. We came across a mother nursing her baby (quite a big baby) on the road and had to wait for them to move across.

The first dinner I had while in Kenya (I slept through dinner when I was in Nairobi) was a fish stew. This was not a stew, at least not by my definition (and what would be most people's definition of 'stew). It was a whole fish, complete with head still attached (I don't like to have my food look at me while I eat it, so even when I eat lobster, I turn his head the other way so I don't have to feel bad), and covered in some sort of sauce. To me, that's not a stew but "fish covered with sauce." Then again, I don't think I'd have ordered something called "fish covered in sauce", so maybe they're better off from a marketing point of view of calling it "fish stew". Either way, I don't think I'll order it again. Too many bones - I want my eating to take less effort than my cooking.
\n \nI started typing this out on Hallowe\'en, and I realize that I am missing my favorite holiday. I refer you to the cinematic masterpiece "Mean Girls" for a statement as to why it is my favorite holiday. For those of you went to Hallowe\'en parties, please send me some pictures. I hope to have a belated Hallowe\'en party in the summer, provided, I can find a location. \n\n \nAmerican Waddell: where are we on that contact list? \n \nA few final thoughts:\n \n1) I\'ve never seen so many screwed up teeth as I have in Kenya. I realize it used to be a British Colony, but when a country gains independence, they should obviously adapt only those habits of its colonizer that are beneficial. British tooth care: not so much. I\'m really looking forward to seeing normal teeth when I get back.\n\n \n2) Porn and homosexuality are illegal in Kenya. Obviously, one of these impacts me more than the other, but I could never settle in a country where basic human rights are being supressed.\n \nI\'ve been adding people to this list, who may not have been on the first one. I plan on getting all of these e-mails onto a blog by late November at the latest.\n \nMiss you all and hope that you are all well. Shirts and ties - I\'ll wear you guys soon. I promise!\n \njakey\n\n",0]
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I started typing this out on Hallowe'en, and I realize that I am missing my favorite holiday. I refer you to the cinematic masterpiece "Mean Girls" for a statement as to why it is my favorite holiday. For those of you went to Hallowe'en parties, please send me some pictures. I hope to have a belated Hallowe'en party in the summer, provided, I can find a location.

American Waddell: where are we on that contact list?

A few final thoughts:

1) I've never seen so many screwed up teeth as I have in Kenya. I realize it used to be a British Colony, but when a country gains independence, they should obviously adapt only those habits of its colonizer that are beneficial. British tooth care: not so much. I'm really looking forward to seeing normal teeth when I get back.

2) Porn and homosexuality are illegal in Kenya. Obviously, one of these impacts me more than the other, but I could never settle in a country where basic human rights are being supressed.

I've been adding people to this list, who may not have been on the first one. I plan on getting all of these e-mails onto a blog by late November at the latest.

Miss you all and hope that you are all well. Shirts and ties - I'll wear you guys soon. I promise!

jakey

FIRST FEW DAYS IN KENYA

Jambon

that means 'hello' in swahili. forgive me if i write this all in lower case letters but the shift key is not as accessible as i touch type. so if any of you are going to lose sleep over this grammattically incorrect e-mail, then well, too bad.

this time last year, i was at harry rosen's checking out the shirts and ties i was going to be buying at the shirt and tie sale. needless to say, i'm upset i'm going to miss that, but by the same token, i didn't really have anywhere to wear those shirts and ties, and it was kind of pathetic to put on a suit each morning and head down to my kitchen table. so here i find myself in kenya, wondering where i'm going to be doing my laundry, and taking the first steps towards one of my goals: to save the world.

not even before leaving toronto was i already met with a minor hurdle - british airways only lets you bring 1 piece of carryon, so for you ladies out there, that's your purse. the bag i was hoping to bring as carryon had to be checked as excess baggage and b/c it weighed a whopping 14 kgs i had to pay $240 in fees for it. turns out that if you're doing missionary work you can get a 3rd bag as part of your baggage allowance but you have to book this in advance and it is something that your travel agent should tell you. my travel agent does all the bookings for the ngo i'm working for in markham, so can anyone say 'negligent'?

on the sat. night before i left, my uncle told me that had i let him know that i was flying ba, he could've gotten me bumped up to biz class. now i will try for the long flight home, but tell me, why would i just randomly tell my uncle, a dentist, that i was flying ba? anyway, lesson learned: anytime i fly ba, be sure to tell uncle arnie.

the flight was long. very, very long. i don't know what percentage of it i slept but i did get to watch some tv on it, interspersed with reading 'the memory keeper's daughter' which i've already finished. i brought over 5 lbs of books to read while in kenya, and i plan on writing my novel too, so some of you will be fortunate enough to read segments of that and provide constructive critical feedback. please note, saying 'it sucks' is not really constructive, so if you really do think it sucks, please, please, find at least one positive thing to say about it.

i landed in nairobi at approx 9 at night on tuesday, and was met at the airport by practical action's driver who drove me to my abode for the next two nights - the ymca. sadly, it is not as glorious as the ymca in toronto as there was no gym, basketball court, etc. i think i was eaten alive by some mosquitos that night even though i did use the mosquito net. b/c i'm the world's worst packer, i really couldn't even find half the stuff i needed that night. the stuff that i did unpack, i couldn't get back into the way i packed it.

the ymca accommodations does include breakfast. i am using that term very very loosely. they serve it from 630 to 830 so if you get there early enough, as i did at 645, you can eat, and then go back at 815 for another round, which i didn't do and it was something i regretted all day as i didn't have lunch until 2pm. i also slept through dinner on wed. waking up at 840 pm and dinner is only served until 830. the eating habits of kenyans do not agree with me: they don't eat lunch until 1pm. by the time 1 pm rolled around when i was in toronto, i would've already had breakfast, lunch and at least 2 snacks.

i was picked up by another drive on wed. morning to go to the practical action office. later that day my adventures in nairobi began when my colleague ucath and i went to the city to get me my pupil's pass and a mobile phone. the first shop we visited wanted 4500 for the phone i eventually bought and another 200 for the sim card. those are in kenyan shillings. by the time we hit the 5th mobile phone dealer, we found the same phone for 2400 ksh including the sim card. bob barker would've been proud of me.

i also have to question the first shopkeeper's sales techniques - he clearly said his prices were negotiable but for those phones that had no price tag and he stated a price and we tried to negotiate, he was having none of that.

the phone purchases were made after lunch - which consisted of 2 burgers at a fast food join in nairobi called wimpy. to say the burgers were disgusting wouldn't do them justice. they were coated with what i can only hope was a sauce of some kind, and the ketchup on the tables was not as thick as what i'm used to back home. also, the waitress - yes they took our orders and served us - was pushing chips like she was a heroin dealer. she couldn't fathom the notion that i'd want two burgers and no chips. oh, that's what they call french fries here. this means that i need to know three terms: french fries; chips for kenya and the uk when i go in april; and freedom fries for those silly americans.

i'm now based in nakuru, complete with mobile phone, but no place to stay. my first priority is to get an apartment, my 2nd is to get a basketball and third is to find a grocer, and 4th to find a place to play basketball. gotta make sure that my skills don't get rusty while i'm gone.

i've already made one friend who is going to be in nairobi for most of the rest of the year. he was also staying in the ymca - he's doing missionary work of sorts. religion is quite prevalent here in kenya - before we hit the road to nakuru, the people said a prayer, and at the end of the meeting i sat in on about the work i'll be involved with, they also said a prayer. if i start saying prayers over every little thing i do once i return, someone, please do an intervention on me.

one of the things that really weighs heavily on my mind is thinking about who has hiv here. just walking down the street, i have to wonder how many people are infected with the hiv. it's not something that i would ever think twice about if i was back in toronto.

while i'm talking about my paranoia, in order to minimize the potential of getting 'jacked' i have over 400 in us 20s inside the money belt i bought and another 500 in us traveller's checks on the leg wallet i bought which is about as good a product as those wimpy burgers. the stupid thing keeps sliding down my leg and i can't reach down to bring it back up b/c otherwise it would defeat the purpose of having a secret stash hidden.

i do have a big announcement: i'm going to run for office, and naturally as a liberal. i hope that you, as my friends, will support me when i do run, even though you may not have supported liberals in the past. don't worry, i'm not planning on running for another 10 to 15 years, but once i get back, i plan on getting move involved with the liberals and i invite you all to join me on this exciting adventure. i want to help make canada a better place, and i need your help to do it.

right now, my time line is to be in kenya until april 19 then i will be in london on april 20. i fly out of london on april 27 to vancouver and then i'll probably fly home on april 29 to toronto. during those 7 days in london, i plan on visiting paris for 3 or 4 of them. i do invite anyone of you to join me in any of these cities... i have free accommodations in both london and paris. well, i think i do. my potential hosts haven't fully agreed to anything yet.

i hope that you miss me as much as i miss my shirt and tie collection. i do miss most of you, but man do i miss wearing my shirts and ties. i always thought i looked so devishly handsome all dressed up.

miss you all,

jacob