Catch-22

Hey you,

how you been? How was your week?Miss me yet?


I was thinking this week of how much I miss rollerblading. We should definitely go when I get back. Only 596 more hours until I leave (if you're reading this on Monday. Don't ask how I know that 24 x 24 is 596 so quickly).

I had a bizarre week.

First, last Saturday I went to go play basketball only to find none. This put a damper on my weekend as I really wanted to play. I wasn't even allowed to go onto the court to shoot hoops. Needless to say, my shot is going to need quite a bit of work when I get back.

So that afternoon I went to town where I was approached by a kid asking for change. I took him to lunch. Here's the kicker, he remembered me as feeding him a while ago. It's nice to know that I'm not seen such as just a Daddy Warbucks. His name is Joseph Kamau. Then after my own lunch (I don't eat with the kids b/c of stigmas that may get attached to the kids, i.e. Michael Jacksonism), I went to get some ice cream (more on that in a bit) at the grocery store, and a kid approached me to ask if I worked for WDGA or JA b/c he was at the conference where I spoke and enjoyed what i had to say about their responsibility to demolish poverty (his words not mine). So no one's here to toot my horn, so toot toot.

So Tuesday I lost my cards: bank and credit. This still hasn't dampered my magazine purchasing habits, which means I could soon find myself having to beg for change on Kenyatta Avenue. But the good news is that the lady who works at the store where I buy most of my magazines said she'd toss some change my way. I may have to take out my own microfinance loan to continue to fund the Jacob Foundation.

A new VISA card is on its way to me - hopefully by Monday. I've arranged for credit at the hotel where I live so I'll still have clean clothes and one of the restaurants where I used to eat.
I've gone vegetarian - not for ethical or health issues but financial. For 80 ksh i get a delicious bowl of bean stew and rice whereas the beef equivalent - 150. Cha ching. That 70 shillings can get me two (2) soft serve ice cream at the grocery store.
Yes that's right I now can get soft serve ice cream here. I prefer it to the hard kind b/c of less fat. Woo hoo.

Wednesday I went to play basketball for the first time in a week. The power of the ball is amazing. A few months ago I met this school kid named Victor - very smiley kid. We shot around on Wed. Little kids are great to have around b/c they can get the ball when you make your shot. Anyway, I had him start to do lay ups - I'd pass him the ball as he's running and he'd lay it in. Then another kid joined us, then a third, then I had them form a line. Next thing I know all the kids on that half of the court were lining up for the mzungu to pass them the ball. I've always wanted an army of loyalists, just I'd prefer one that I can use to storm the Bastille, not a sand castle. Ah well, something to work on when I get back to the T-dot.

So after putting the kids through lay up drills, we broke out into teams of 4 to play tourney style. My team, all short, and could not stick to their men on D for their lives. Every team we played had at least one guy open near the net. I was superpissed. If the kids were not in their school unis (yes they ran layups and played ball in their unis) i'd have made them run suicides and do pushups. I run a tough camp.

This past week what did I do for work? Went to interview garbage collectors (the organizations that provide the service) to find out how well prepared they are for source separation when it comes into play. This job would've been much better suited for someone who is interested in city planning, waste management, or the environment. But I'm making do. I really should've pushed to do more work with the microfinance arm, but I didn't want to come across as a pushy Canadian. Oh, there may be a crimp in my travel plans depending on how the budget (Canadian not mine) goes. IF an election is called for April 30, my return date, I'm going to forego London and Vancouver and come home for the 20th to spend the 10 days campaigning. London and Vancouver will still be there. The election not so much. Then again, if there's an election this year it will be the third one in Canada in about 3 years. African countries have more political stability, albeit, they are run by dictators some of them.

A trip to Vancouver in the summer would be ace. One of my friends and his wife are coming to Victoria this summer and I haven't played ball with him in ages.

Either way, I know I'll for sure be in Vancouver in 2010 and in London in 2012 for the olympics - participating baby! Just haven't figured out in which sport(s). I'm thinking of 2-man luge for the winter, as long as I get to be on the bottom so I can use the other guy as a buffer against the ice in case we fall off. As for the summer sport, I'm thinking something to do with walking. I'd be perfectly content to warm the bench for Team Canada's basketball team, but I think that team has enough slow white guys.

I did write out a column for this past week but it got dropped. Space issues and sucking issues. I'm working on a better one. For those who think this is easy, it is very hard, especially to have to tie it to a theme (working).

I'm hoping to get some more freelance gigs when I get back. I'm trying to find the contacts of editors of magazines for which I'd like to write.

Remember how I was so proud of the deal I struck for the additional wares? WelL I got jacked. The vendor finally got the wares to me and then said his supplier wants 150 ksh per item (11 items). He was supposed to give me all 11 for only 1000 (I asked for 10 and he offered to toss one in for free. I'd hope so - grand total I bought from him: 51). I said forget it. He asked for an additional 200 and I figured it was worth it to get him out of my life.
The other vendors, I've had to be more direct with them and tell them no I don't want/need cards - not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm just going to have to ignore them from now on, but I"m thinking I may have to kill one of them and stick their head on a stick as a warning to all those who dare to trespass me.

A sort of homecomingHomecoming game is either May 6 or May 27. Please get your nominations for Homecoming Queen and Homecoming King. Voting begins for the King and Queen in the next couple of weeks!Looking forward to seeing you.

Miss you!
Jacob

21 Grams

Hey you!How have you been? Long time no see. How as that little vacation/business trip you had? How's the family doing? And work, going ok I hope? I hope all is well with you.Me? I'm great. Was a bit sick this past week with a cough/cold. So that kept me from working out until Thursday night. I'm assuming you're reading this on a Monday, so I have 31 more days until I fly the coop. 6 weeks until I'm home in Toronto. I cannot wait to eat all the food that I'm not getting in Kenya - salmon fillets, sushi, berries: blue, straw, rasp, black, and cold milk that must be refrigerated. With the end approach so close, I realize I may have a bit of a predicament. My baggage allowance is 32 kgs from here to Canada. But from Vancouver to TO is only 23 KGs - damn you Air Canada. Now I'm leaving some clothes, and shoes here. And the almonds and walnuts I brought too are being left behind in a different form. But I have bought a bunch of books (in addition to the 13 I brought with me) and the souvenirs... needless to say I may be in a bit of a quandry. It's the Rungu sticks that are weighing the most - the traditional Massai clubs that are beaded. What for? I have no idea. At the time I thought I'd need them to start my own Massai army but I don't know if that's such a great idea now.Fedexing stuff is not an option. It would cost me nearly $200 US to just FedEx something as little as 10 kgs. So on Monday, I told a bunch of the street vendors that if I need anything I'll come to them. I thought this would solve my problem, but alas they are a wiley bunch. One of them saw me today and instead of asking me if I want cards asked me if I'm coming to see him for cards. So my new tactic: total ignorance. It's a shame it's reached the point where I can't even acknowledge them but they are like piranhas after that first drop of blood hits the water. A lot of them are also shysters in my opinion. Last Monday when I was supposed to buy the wares from Cosmas, one of the street vendors, one other was telling me that the wares he had belonged to Cosmas. I've cut a number of deals with Cosmas since then but he has yet to deliver. I'm not in a rush but thankfully I never pay in advance. The only thing I pay for in advance is my pizzas and guess what - next week: FREE PIZZA. CHA CHING!!! So how was my Thursday? Absolutely boring. I went to a graduation ceremony - not even mine. It was for those farmer groups graduating from Farmer Field Schools. Now the actual ceremony itself was not boring b/c when each group got called up to get their certificates, they'd be dancing and singing but everything till then - boring. Partly b/c the Kenyans have no concept of time. So about 4 pm we're packing it in and all the farmers who want to buy the OF decide at that time they should. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools comes and invites me to lunch (at 4 pm?) I really wanted to get out of there ASAP so I went with him, more out of concern of offending him, and when I got to the To start, I was there b/c I was representing Practical Action (represent represent) and the organic fertilizer. We (me and Mildred, the woman who works for NAWACOM, which is the investment co-op that actually makes the fertilizer) at about 7:50 am to set up our tent. However a few hours later we were told we had to move the tent. Around 11 am I got hungry so I went into town for lunch. I get cranky if I don't eat every 2 to 3 hours. Needless to say Yom Kippur is a real bad day for me. Picked up my magazines - Time and the Economist and headed back to the show grounds. Still, no ceremony starting yet. I think. When they do things in kiswahili I'm not too up and up on what is going on. Around 4pm, we're packing it up and that's when the farmers decide they want to buy the OF. Great timing. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools invited me to the lunch (at 4pm? What the?) Not wanting to offend them, I went but when I got to the serving area, I just grabbed two chipati and walked back out to get back to our truck. At that exact moment, the Ministry of Agriculture District Officer called for a rep from PA to come present the next group with their certificates. Mildred sees me and waves towards me to go up on stage. So there I am, with chipati in my left hand and having to present the certificate with my right. The farmers' group to whom I had to present came up dancing, and singing (not a clue what), so I threw my right hand in the air and waved it all around like I just did not care. I think all graduation type ceremonies should have a little dance number attached to them. Unfortunately, I got a sunburn on my upper right arm b/c I wasn't wearing sunscreen as I was sitting there during the graduation ceremony.I did have an interesting conversation that morning with a guy who works for an NGO. He used to work with the street kids in Kenya and he explained to me how some of them end up on the street. And he told me that it's about 1 in 10 people in Kenya that have HIV/AIDS. Imagine that - 10% of the people here are infected. Life of Pi is a very interesting book. Very well written. Not one of my top 10 favorites but so far a very interesting story. Of course, by the time you read this I'll have finished it. May have to take a trip to Nairobi to get some more books. At least this time around all of my flights to and fro are at night so I can just sleep on the plane. What's on tap for me this weekend? I'm hoping to run with the big boys tomorrow on the court (the adults not the kids), and hit the gym. I have to write my next couple of columns this weekend. Well write one for next week and then start the rest. I'm hoping to squeeze out at least 2 if not 3 columns over the duration of my time here. On that note, have a great week. Looking forward to seeing you!Jacob

20/20

First off, just to clarify: I was 99.98 joking about the name placement in the column in the Post. It's nice to see that so many people a) want to help Kenya's small enterprises; b) want to see their name in print; or c) a little from column a and a little from column b.

My 9th column appeared last Wednesday. I haven't been able to see it yet or find it on www.working.com . For those who missed it and want to see it, I'll be happy to send it to you as soon as I get a copy. If anyone else is interested, I'm going to host a reading of some of my columns at a local coffee house. Currently, I'm composing some music to turn it into a musical. I only play piano, so I'm looking for someone to accompany me on the guitar. Any takers?

Last Monday I was voicing my concern that I wasn't really empowering anybody by writing about source separation (and as a matter of fact may be impacting the livelihoods of some of the poor but I'll get to that later). Of course, what did I do that morning that is the exact opposite of empowering - I fed a street kid again. Well, I didn't feed him but I took him to a restaurant and let him order what he wanted (chicken and chips and soda at 9:30 am). I know, I know. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, but teach him to fish, feed him for a life, but I just told you - the kid had chicken. I don't even know how to teach anyone to fish, let alone catch, pluck and cook a chicken. I think the same kid was asking me for shillings later that afternoon too. Later that week, I bought another kid a meal b/c he told me he was hungry. I really have to get out of here ASAP before I run out of money.

By the time most of you read this, less than 5.5 weeks until I leave Kenya. 7 weeks until I'm back in Toronto, give or take a few days. I was asked by one of my colleagues what Canada has that Kenya is lacking. Oh, where to begin. Did I tell you that outside one of the banks I often see army men with machine guns.

On Wednesday night I was put in to play against the high school boys. Those kids can run. It's not just that I'm slow, they are quick. I thought I was going to have a coronary by the time the game was over. I seem to have the lung capacity of a 2-year old smoker. The next day my body was killing me. My knees hurt walking up the stairs and my hip hurt. If anyone knows any exercises I can do to strengthen my hips - much appreciated. I couldn't play basketball the rest of the week.

I'm down to 3 books. Well, probably 2.5 by the time you read this. I started Life of Pi this past week, and thankfully, one of the other two books is Kafka's The Trial. I started to read it some 5 years ago or so but only got 80 pages into it. It is one of the hardest books I have ever tried to read, so that one will probably keep me occupied for a while.

BUT, I do have my weekly magazines. Tuesday is a great day - new economist and new time, and once in a while, like this past week, Fortune as well. I feel like Johnny 5: more input!

So this past week I went on a field trip with the trash collectors who work for the town. What a waste - they couldn't answer any of my questions about the new by-laws for waste separation. While in the truck cab with the driver he asked me if we had hawkers in Canada (people selling stuff on the street). To me it sounded like a word that starts with "h" but rhymes with "lookers". I said sure we do, and asked him where they were now, in Nakuru. He said they're out on the street now. I was a bit surprised. I mean who would get a "looker" at 10:30 in the am? Once I figured out that he meant hawkers, it made the flow of conversation that much easier.

On Friday AM I went to interiew one of the officials in the dept of environment - the dept that oversees garbage collection in the town. The official was speaking english, and i was speaking english, but I don't think either of us really understood what the other was saying. It was like a conversation between George Dubya, and well, anybody who can actually speak english properly. I was trying to gather info on how the town council is prepared to engage in source separation when it collects waste, and to be honest, I don't think the dept of environment has really thought this whole separation at the source thing through. I'm meeting with the officials of the private waste collectors next week to ask them the same questions. Good times.

I've taken up a new hobby to alleviate the boredom - beard growing. It's low maintenance and doesn't cost me very much in terms of time and money. Actually it's really boring.

This past Saturday I did something very different - a few weeks ago I was asked to speak at a Junior Achievement conference the Junior Business Forum. For those of you who may not know, but for 5 years I was an Advisor in JA's Company Program where I mentored high school students in running their own company - it's become a passion of mine. I know, i know - it's quite frightening to think that I'm helping to mold and shape our future generations. But I do... and I'd like to think it's something I actually do quite well. Turns out that I had to give a talk on corporate social responsibility. With less than 20 minutes notice. Thank goodness for Bill Gates and Google - the focus of my talk. Well their foundations, anyway.

How awesome are my negotiation skills here in Nakuru? I agreed to buy some local crafts - I asked the vendor what price he'd give me (I was buying a lot of them) and he said 100 ksh. Since I was prepared to offer 130 ksh for each one, I quickly signed on the dotted line. Well, that's just a metaphor. But here's where my kickass negotiating comes into play - I said I'd buy at that price but if I want any more then he has to give me the same price. He agreed. Later when I placed an order for a fraction of my original one he tossed in a free one. Cha ching. Send me to Iran Mr. Bush and I'll not only get the prez there to stop his nuclear program, but i'll get him to give up all that he's already got.

Zero of the week: McMaster university registrar's office. I sent them an e-mail asking them for 3 pieces of information and they only gave me the first one. I had to send another e-mail asking for the rest.

Till next week... keep your ear to the grindstone...

Jacob

19th Hole

Hello everyone,

just a quick business matter first - I'm writing my last few columns over the next few weeks, and while I've resisted it before, I'm conceding defeat and giving in. What am I talking about? Product placement - that's right for only $25 I will put your name in my column in the Post. $100 for commercial ventures/advertisements though. Don't worry - 50% of all revenue generated from this idea will stay behind in Kenya and go towards microfinance organizations in Kenya so you'll be helping to alleviate poverty while getting your name in print. Plus, I'll personally autograph that column for you with a "best wishes, Jacob". Think about it.

So next week I'm going to help negotiate the trial farms on one guy's property. It's going to be an interesting experience b/c the professor who is overseeing the technical aspect of this project thinks that it is entirely the project's responsibility to tend to this trial farm including the labour, while I'm not sure if my boss, the one who works for Practical Action (the NGO), actually feels about this.

I made it to basketball and the gym this past week for the first time in weeks. I'm still as slow as molasses but in a game I did have a nice block. Sure the kid is only 17 and probably a good foot shorter than me but still. I really need to get back in shape for my return home. I've been turning into a bit of a chubalub. The Golden Grahams addiction certainly didn't help. I've kicked the habit cold turkey. I had too - I was at the office on Sunday and eating some of the delicious golden goodness when I noticed there were two empty boxes in the garbage. In a little under a week I had eaten almost 3 whole boxes. I may have a partially opened box in my hotel, so like the smoker on their last pack that'll be it for me.

On my way to get my mid-morning snack at the restaurant, a kid approached me for a shilling so I offered him a meal. He readily accepted. I thought he was a little too well dressed to be a street kid, but the people who work at the restaurant confirmed it for me. All of 8 years old and he's out on the streets begging for change. This is what I encounter on a daily basis. And the funny thing is that Kenya is one of the better countries in Africa - there's been no wars here (not that I know of), and the economy is supposed to be growing.

The worst part is the lack of social services programs for those who are in dire need - I'm talking about the disabled (or physicall challenged) and those kids and adults who are hooked on the glue. The closest I've come to seeing social programs is a letter that I think the government provides that people can show to solicit donations/support from members of the public. I saw one gentleman who had such letter, sitting on the major street in Kenya with his kid and letter stating that he's disabled and can't work. The other one was a gentleman who was deaf, but I'm not sure what his deal was but he had a letter looking for support in the form of cash donations or effects - so I bought him some shoe polish b/c that was one of the examples given. The quick shine kind, b/c I assumed that he probably didn't like to shine shoes b/c really, who does?

Since I've come to Kenya it's been like Christmas, just without the snow. I got another gift this past week - a book. Woo hoo. Yay me. I feel like Jesus, except instead of getting gold, myr and frankenscence, I've gotten a book, magazines, fake Crocs (or as I call them Frocs) and contact lens solution. Ok, so the last thing I asked for, but still, it was a surprise when it finally arrived from Canada, only 5 weeks after it was mailed. Don't worry, I got a surprise for you when I get back - me! I just hope you don't expect me to giftwrap myself when I see you b/c I think I'd look really odd on the subway sitting there in giftwrap with a pretty bow on my head.

Interesting little tidbit I found out this past week - the waiters at the restaurant where I do most of my eating - they get paid only 240 kenyan shillings/day. To put this into perspective, my lunch and coffee today cost me 355 ksh. I don't tip b/c I don't think it's custom here in Kenya (I did leave a couple of tips closer to the holidays, um x-mas, not valetine's) and before I leave I will leave the wait staff some cash tip, but it's just frightening how difficult it seems to be to make a decent living in Kenya. I'd be willing to bet that even the waitstaff at Canoe could probably afford a meal there a day just based on the tips that they get there... and the guy who used to sell me DVDs (I say used to b/c there's no point in buying anymore since my player doesn't work) - he sometimes only sells one or two a day at most. That means at best he's taking in 1000 ksh a day. Did I mention that the town where I live, the city council pilfered 85 million ksh?

Less than 49 days until I leave Kenya - 57 until I can roll up the rim to win. And win I will...


Have a great weekend everyone. Till next time...

j.