...and in the end

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=5ae36f61-c31d-4f37-a374-af6f19d59d2d

Hey you,

This is the last e-mail from me while I'm in Kenya. Don't worry, I'll send you one as soon as I have my pics up on one of those websites. That way you can view them from the comfort of your home, and wearing just your bathrobe if you wish. Not a tactic I recommend if you're going to look at them while at work; you may get funny stares.

I've attached my most recent column. I will have one more after I get back and then that's all folks. This one got me 3 replies from 'fans'. Funny enough, one of the e-mails was from a lady that runs a Kenyan restaurant inviting me to come 'promote' her. She listed all this Kenyan food that I've never heard of, mostly b/c I really haven't eaten much of the local cuisine. My colleagues teased me about that this past week.

I'll get to my long weekend adventures in a moment. The BIG exciting news: I found a pair of Air Jordans for only $45 CDN. Not from some street vendor but from an actual store. It's a promotion price to build awareness of the new location. I have my doubts that they are real since they don't come in a box (back of a truck anyone?), and I do have moral qualms about counterfeit merchandise, but the store owner told me that they were authentic. I don't know what more due diligence I could do than that?

I just know, thanks the marketing machine that is Nike, that these shoes will make me a much better basketball player. My proof: LeBron James wears Nikes and he's awesome, hence I'm concluding a causal effect, and I too will be awesome in my new pair of Nikes.

You'll be pleased to know that racism is everywhere, even in Kenya. The storekeeper was trying to sell me socks (why would he think I need socks, notwithstanding all of my socks have huge holes in them?) and he showed me a pair of Nike socks. When I said that the label on the package read "soccer", meaning the socks were designed for soccer and not basketball, he said "the chinese don't know what soccer is." He was an Indian man (a number of businesses in Nakuru are owned by Indians), but I was still tempted to ask him if it gets hot wearing his white hood in Nakuru.

The four day weekend was incredibly boring. There is really not much to do in Nakuru. Had I travelled anywhere, coming home on Sunday from Nairobi would've just been crazy.

However, on the Saturday there was a kid who was begging for change on the street (a recurring theme here in Nakuru) so I took him to lunch. He sat with me b/c I was going to eat too. I found out only his name directly - Steven Ndugu. Everything else - his age (7 years old), where his parents live - I had to find out through the waiter as an interpreter. Steven's english was worse than my kiswahili. I ended up feeding 3 more kids later that evening.

On Monday as I was walking into town, I was kind of hoping to avoid the street kids. A number of them approached me, and I took them and a few stragglers to the same restaurant where I always take them - six in total. One of the patrons shook my hand. As I exited, I was hit up for cash from one more kid so I marched him into the restaurant and paid for his meal. One of those 7 kids was the same Steven Ndugu - I recognized him in his dirty shirt with a puppy dog on it.

On Wednesday morning as I walked into town, I saw Steven Ndugu again - this time with a glue bottle. On some levels I felt betrayed - I had never seen the glue bottle previously, and I wondered if anything, was I compounding the problem by feeding them, because now they can use money that they collect for glue. That afternoon I ran into Steven again - he asked me for money for 'bread' mimicking eating a piece of bread. I told him I'd buy him food if he gave me the glue bottle. Neither of us budged in our negotiations so I just walked away. He kept following me and I just kept saying 'sorry' and 'go away' in kiswahilli.

If anything, being here has been very emotionally draining. To see kids living on the street, getting high on glue to deal with their hunger pangs, etc. is very hard day in and day out. To me street kids represent the ultimate in giving up hope, b/c if they're on the street, they will never break out of the cycle of poverty. And it is not that easy to get them rehabilitated either - many of them from what I've been told run away from the rehab centres b/c they are used to having so much freedom. And it's not just kids - many a day I see this one guy without any digits begging for change and the other day I saw a man who only had one leg, using this long pole to support himself as he hunkered down.

One of the mzungus who lives in Nakuru now, and heads up the Nakuru Business Association, which is trying to restore Nakuru to its former glory, calls these kids 'casualties' b/c their situation is a result of all the graft and corruption by the local gov't. There's really nothing sadder in the world than seeing these kids living out in the streets.

The honest truth is that there's not much about Nakuru that I will miss. The only thing I can say that I will miss is interacting with the little kids here in Nakuru (the non-street kids). This past week, as I walked into town there was one little toddler, probably no older than 2, and I tapped this kid on the shoulder as I walked past him. He started scurrying after me holding his hand to be shooken. Once, kids crossed the street to shake my hand. I feel like Barney at times. That's what I'll miss. Little kids calling me 'mzungu' = cute; adults on boda bodas or selling things calling me 'mzungu' = not cute and uber-annoying.

The manager at my gym asked me for my iPod. He said I could get a new one in London. Once I told him how much it cost, that ended that line of discussions. Even if I got a new iPod in London, I would be completely songless. Which begs the question - what is the true value of an iPod?

I've basically had requests for everything except the shirt off of my back. Oh wait, one of the hawkers that I know complimented me on the shirt I was wearing the other day (a Toronto Blue Jays' t), so I guess in a subtle way he was probably asking for it, since he did know that I am leaving on Thursday. I am donating a number of pieces of clothing to an NGO here, and I gave the coach of the boxing gym where I used to train 1000 ksh to be put towards tournament expenses.

Now, I'm just spending the days tying up loose ends, handing over my files, reading. I'm still reading the Economist and Time on a regular basis, and I am almost done "Crime and Punishment" which is a very punishing read.

You probably know that I've already started fundraising for the CIBC Run for the Cure. I've reached nearly 20% of my goal.

I have figured out the tooth mystery in Kenya. They love their sugar here. My colleagues will put two teaspoons of sugar in tea made with milk where I will put none. One of the cereals for sale in Kenya has the following instructions:

1) pour cereal

2) pour milk

3) add sugar

4) add fruit if you wish.

Sugar is mandatory, and fruit, one of the four basic food groups, of which you're supposed to eat 5 to 10 day servings a day, is optional. Plus, on that same box of cereal, the second ingredient listed: sugar.

I've started the packing process already. The ruungu sticks are packed away. Also in the "Why did I buy that?" category: Massai necklaces for my family. What's so bad about these necklaces? Well the big ones are the size of an LP and the smaller ones are the size of a 45. (My little cousins will have no clue what I'm talking about when they read that.) And they are made of beads, so a number of them are kind of heavy.

On the topic of "stupid purchases" I'm thinking of buying a shield with the Kenyan design/colours on it. This would actually be a semi-practical purchase in case I ever have to go to war. Plus, I'm given my brothers ruungu sticks, and it can't be very wise to give them a weapon without giving myself some way to protect myself.

I suppose the worst case scenario is I can leave all my souvenirs in Vancouver in trust with my friend and let people go there to pick 'em up.

One word to sum it up: interesting. The level of poverty amazes me. I can't walk anywhere in Nakuru without seeing someone begging for change or kids with glue bottles stuck to their mouths. It's like these people have been completely forgotten. And unfortunately for me to see any direct results from the work that I did here, is a 2 year commitment minimum. I'd go stark raving mad if I had to stay here that long. I can deal better with the isolation than I can with seeing the street kids.

I'm glad I did it, but I'd have preferred to be working directly with small businesses.

Will I miss Kenya? Sure in the winter, when I'm freezing, and maybe in the summer when the humidity makes being in Toronto unbearable. I will NOT miss having to sleep under a mosquito net (not that I always stay under it at night, which explains the plethora of 'squito bites). But I miss eating fruit and salads - I don't really feel comfortable eating vegetables here unless they're cooked.

FYI: While I am going to keep this e-mail address, effective May 1 most of my correspondence will go through jacob_kojfman@hotmail.com

So really, that's it. I'm signing off.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Aerosmith in two weeks!

Jacob

today is the longest day of my life

Hey you,

It's me again. This may be the last e-mail I send to you. I may write you a letter next weekend instead.

As of Monday, I will have only ten (10) days left in Kenya.

I've been advised not to cut my trip short regardless of whether the gov't falls on the 20th, so London and Vancouver here I come. Perhaps Paris too, as everyone is advising me that 8 days in London is a lot of time.

So here's my brilliant idea for a job: There's a guy who financed the genocide in Rwanda and there's a reward of $5 million USD on his head. First step, learn the fugitive's name. So this summer I'm going to train in hand-to-hand combat, learn how to shoot a gun and sniper rifle, learn some African dialects, come back to Africa and catch the guy. I figure it won't cost me more than $250 000 in expenses so think about the profit margin on that. If you want to pitch in a bit, I'll share some of the bounty with you.

I'm also going to try out for an NBA team this summer in the hopes of signing a free-agent contract. I am an excellent benchwarmer, and I look great in a suit, so I'd make an excellent 11th or 12th man on the active roster, or part of the 15 man roster. Plus, with all of my community involvement, I'd be a PR boon to any team, especially the Trail (formerly Jail) Blazers. Don't worry, if I make the team, I'll get you tickets when I'm in Toronto.

So the Jacob Foundation is back in full swing, which is good for the kids, but cash-in-flow is starting to trickle down. I may have to start begging or mugging to get more funds to feed the kids. I met this one street kid who was 15 years old, and I asked another one where he lived, and he said by the coke factory. There are no houses by the coke factory to the best of my knowledge.

I have my own little gang of street kids. I feel like Fagan, but I can't communicate with any of them. One of the kids asked me for money and I offered to take him to the restaurant but he kept pointing in the other direction towards a car. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but he eventually came with me and 3 others to the restaurant.

I usually take the kids to the exact same restaurant, and have never eaten there myself. I feel kind of bad b/c I'm not helping those kids with healthy eating habits b/c they always get soda.

I went to Nairobi on Thursday April 5 to have lunch with a mzungu from Alberta. A few weeks ago, he read my column in the Post (the one about the pirated DVDs) and contacted me. This man is my new role model. He's made millions in Alberta and is coming to Kenya to put that money to good use. He's bought acres of land for an orphanage, and is investing in income generating activities. He got inspired to do this after reading an autobiography of an orphan in Kenya who made millions in business, sold his interests and has helped set up orphanages, schools, etc. to help those who have been neglected by society. He offered to send me the book, but I declined - told him he was preaching to the choir. He treated me to lunch, which was nice.

However, the return trip home was less than pleasant. I got to the matatu station around 3:40 or so after going to the bookstore. The company booked me onto shuttle no. 21; at that moment, no. 10 was loading. It was at least 2.5 to 3 hours before I actually got onto a matatu.

After going to the net cafe for nearly an hour, and then to a restaurant to get a couple of sandwhiches, I still had another hour wait. One guy showed me the direction to the restaurant and then asked me for 100 shillings so he could get a beer. I told him I didn't have any. He returned to the matatu station twice more while I was still waiting, the second time I was actually in the matatu, seated by the window, and he asked me for another 50 shilling to take the bus. The dude had a job, too, so it's not like he was a street person.

I'm on a 4 day weekend, 5 if you count the fact that I took yesterday off to go to Nairobi. 4 day weekends in Toronto rock - that's 4 opps to go to brunch. I love brunch.

4 day weekends in Nakuru suck. Everything is closed today (Friday) and I'm sure will be on Monday too (as well as the usual closing on Sundays). I'm spending my time reading - one of the books I bought was Crime and Punishment and the other was about the guy who started Grameen Bank.

I'm pretty much done my projects. I wrote 30 pages on source separation and waste management in other countries (first and third world) and analyzed how it is being done in Nakuru (not so much) and recommendations for what my NGO should do to try to replicate source separation in other programs. It's hot stuff, talking about waste and source separation. If it doesn't get your juices flowing I don't know what will.

The drawback to leaving after only 6 months is I won't see how my recommendations play out or how the whole waste management stream takes effect in Nakuru. Also, I won't be able to gauge the success of the marketing plan I've worked on for the organic fertilizer. There are still a lot of questions that are unanswered, despite the market research that I did. For starters, were the sales at the Farmers' Field School graduation because of the promotion price or because Mazingira was the only fertilizer for sale there. Those are questions that my NGO has to follow up on after I leave, during and after the planting season which is coming upon Nakuru.

Please don't even consider suggesting that I stay longer. I was told by my buddy who heads the Nakuru Business Association (a mzungu who moved here b/c he married a Kenyan) that while I can make a bigger impact here than I could in Europe (very true), it's VERY lonely and isolating here. Plus, I really need to get back to Toronto to play basketball with people who are closer to my skill level and are not dunking over me like Vince Carter over a Frenchman. And by "closer to my skill level" I really mean, older, shorter, and much worse than me.

The luggage issue is still weighing heavily on my mind and in my bags. I may try to wear all of my clothes to lighten the load (I am leaving a no. of clothes here to the NGO's driver and some orphanages). Once again, I'm cursing the purchase of those runguu sticks. I can't even blame them on being an impulse purchase, b/c they were not near the register! What was I thinking?!

British Airways does allow for a 3rd piece of luggage for people doing missionary work (something the travel agent neglected to tell me and cost me $240 at the airport to get my 3rd bag to Kenya. Can someone say 'lawsuit'?), so here's hoping that the policy applies to return trips home, then I can mail my box o' books from Vancouver at what I presume would be a cost significant lower than $80 cdn.

Because a number of my readers have said that they will miss these weekly e-mails (ok, two readers have said that), I'm willing to provide you with a semi-annual mailer, one of which will be my annual Holiday newsletter. If you're interested, just send me an e-mail with the word subscribe.

On a final note, school let out this past week for the kids. They're off for a month. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my lil' buddy, Victor. I finally figured out what good little kids are when I had Victor give me inbounds passes so I could work on my quick release shot. You can't teach a dog to do that. I was hoping to give Victor my basketball but I guess I'll just have to leave it with the coach.

See you in a few weeks...

j.

The Lord is my Sheppard

Hey,

It's me again. I hope you had a good week. This is the 3rd last Monday Morning Jambos (TM). (I've also trademarked "Monday Morning Jambons", and "Monday Morning Hams".

Only 17 more days until I leave Kenya (assuming you're reading this on Monday, if not, figure it out for yourself). You miss me yet?

If you missed my column this past Wednesday in the Post here it is:

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=c5ef14da-ddcf-42fd-8bf6-a8bee4d875d6

I actually think it may be the best one I've written for the Post and the best column I've written since Kacob Jojfman Goes to the Formal. I managed to sneak in three (3) of my favorite things into this column: my ties; baseball; and the quote from Jackie Robinson.

I am gunning to have two (2) more columns. One before I leave Kenya and one after I get back. I'm going to try to use this column and the first one I wrote to propel me to more freelance gigs.

I had another mishap this past week and to save myself the embarassment, I'm going to keep the details to myself. By then, all the physical evidence should have mended.

Elton John is right. Saturday night is all right for fighting. I attended the fights last Saturday at the boxing club where I used to train. The guys with whom I used to train were boxing. I went over to wish them luck and one of the guys asks me where the gift I brought for them is. The Nakuru club won 3 (one by default b/c the other club had no opponent) and lost 3. This one guy David, very friendly guy, was fighting in Bantam (64 kg max) and just pummelled his opponent. The ref had to stop the match. Most of the matches were stopped b/c of blood, etc. The boxers have to share gloves and the helmet, and in some cases the shirt. I can only hope that they each had their own mouthguard, otherwise, gross.

After the match, I was waiting outside the bank for my cab to come. The kids from the boxing club came up to me. Dominic, one of the little guys who won his match, asked me where his prize was. He asked for money for a soda. Richard, who has always been quite brazen with asking me for things, asked me for a pen, telling me that he'd remember me by it. I gave it to himi. Then after he walked away I was frustrated with myself for giving him the pen. He didn't win his match and as a matter of fact he got the crap kicked out of him in his match and I just gave him a 'reward'? It's like giving a dog a treat after he pees on your carpet.

So there was a happy reunion in the Jacob household last Friday - I got a new DVD player. The store gave me a new one b/c it didn't get the DVD player repaired in time. To celebrate, I watched Season 1 of 24. Again. Bad mistake. 12 episodes later, at 4am, I finally went to bed. I did realize what made 24 such a great show. It's not the fact that each episode ends on a cliffhanger but how the entire story brings different storylines together to make a really kick ass story.

I managed to make it to ball only one (1) time this week, b/c it rained the other days. I played ball with the little kids again. This time my team dominated, only one game were we in risk of losing. I try to get the kids to shoot and drive as much as possible, and really only score when there's been a drought. I outrebounded all of the kids and out hustled them. They play what I call "sweater D" - the kids just drape the player with the ball, reaching in every time. If there was a ref, the whistle would be blowing every time. Kudos to my lil' buddy Victor who sat out a game so another kid, Chris, could play. That is good sportsmanship.

Magazine wise, it was a very bad week for me. I've been patiently waiting the new Men's Health (North American edition) and when it didn't come as of yesterday, I broke down and bought the UK version with Ryan Reynolds on the cover. The UK edition is the worst of the three that I buy. I couldn't get the Economist until today, and that was only b/c the stockist, who knows me from popping in everday to check up on Men's Health gave me the only issue he had that he was supposed to give to another customer. Yesterday, the guy was going to run me credit b/c I was a few shillings short but I went to the bank machine.
Which nicely segues me to my next point: the Jacob Foundation is back in business. I got my new Visa card last Monday and my bank card on Thursday, so now I can actually afford to buy the street kids meals. I've started to brownbag my leftovers and give them to the street people. It's better than having them go to waste. I gave some rice and beans to a street kid and told him to share with his friend. I felt like a parent yelling at him "Share! Share!"
I was also able to finally mail a letter I'd been sitting on for about a week. I just couldn't run the risk of spending the 95 shillings on a stamp!

I don't know if you know this but I get $200 CDN for each column I write in the Post. The money from this past week's column is going to be used as part of a social experiment. I'm going to leave it with the NGO here to be used for microfinance purposes. Then I'll follow the trail - who uses it, what did they do with it, when they repaid it, and what happens to their business. Then when the money and interest get loaned out again, repeat the process.
On the work front, I spent the week conducting telephone interviews with stockists about the marketing of agricultural products. What a headache. My favorite was the lady who said she could answer my questions and then once I proceeded to ask her, she said that she couldn't and I should wait for the manager.

Two more to go...

If you remind me, next week I'll tell you about the job idea I have. It's my 2nd or 3rd best idea. EVER!

your ever faithful correspondent,

Jacob