Jacob's Kenya Escapades

...and in the end

2007-04-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=5ae36f61-c31d-4f37-a374-af6f19d59d2d

Hey you,

This is the last e-mail from me while I'm in Kenya. Don't worry, I'll send you one as soon as I have my pics up on one of those websites. That way you can view them from the comfort of your home, and wearing just your bathrobe if you wish. Not a tactic I recommend if you're going to look at them while at work; you may get funny stares.

I've attached my most recent column. I will have one more after I get back and then that's all folks. This one got me 3 replies from 'fans'. Funny enough, one of the e-mails was from a lady that runs a Kenyan restaurant inviting me to come 'promote' her. She listed all this Kenyan food that I've never heard of, mostly b/c I really haven't eaten much of the local cuisine. My colleagues teased me about that this past week.

I'll get to my long weekend adventures in a moment. The BIG exciting news: I found a pair of Air Jordans for only $45 CDN. Not from some street vendor but from an actual store. It's a promotion price to build awareness of the new location. I have my doubts that they are real since they don't come in a box (back of a truck anyone?), and I do have moral qualms about counterfeit merchandise, but the store owner told me that they were authentic. I don't know what more due diligence I could do than that?

I just know, thanks the marketing machine that is Nike, that these shoes will make me a much better basketball player. My proof: LeBron James wears Nikes and he's awesome, hence I'm concluding a causal effect, and I too will be awesome in my new pair of Nikes.

You'll be pleased to know that racism is everywhere, even in Kenya. The storekeeper was trying to sell me socks (why would he think I need socks, notwithstanding all of my socks have huge holes in them?) and he showed me a pair of Nike socks. When I said that the label on the package read "soccer", meaning the socks were designed for soccer and not basketball, he said "the chinese don't know what soccer is." He was an Indian man (a number of businesses in Nakuru are owned by Indians), but I was still tempted to ask him if it gets hot wearing his white hood in Nakuru.

The four day weekend was incredibly boring. There is really not much to do in Nakuru. Had I travelled anywhere, coming home on Sunday from Nairobi would've just been crazy.

However, on the Saturday there was a kid who was begging for change on the street (a recurring theme here in Nakuru) so I took him to lunch. He sat with me b/c I was going to eat too. I found out only his name directly - Steven Ndugu. Everything else - his age (7 years old), where his parents live - I had to find out through the waiter as an interpreter. Steven's english was worse than my kiswahili. I ended up feeding 3 more kids later that evening.

On Monday as I was walking into town, I was kind of hoping to avoid the street kids. A number of them approached me, and I took them and a few stragglers to the same restaurant where I always take them - six in total. One of the patrons shook my hand. As I exited, I was hit up for cash from one more kid so I marched him into the restaurant and paid for his meal. One of those 7 kids was the same Steven Ndugu - I recognized him in his dirty shirt with a puppy dog on it.

On Wednesday morning as I walked into town, I saw Steven Ndugu again - this time with a glue bottle. On some levels I felt betrayed - I had never seen the glue bottle previously, and I wondered if anything, was I compounding the problem by feeding them, because now they can use money that they collect for glue. That afternoon I ran into Steven again - he asked me for money for 'bread' mimicking eating a piece of bread. I told him I'd buy him food if he gave me the glue bottle. Neither of us budged in our negotiations so I just walked away. He kept following me and I just kept saying 'sorry' and 'go away' in kiswahilli.

If anything, being here has been very emotionally draining. To see kids living on the street, getting high on glue to deal with their hunger pangs, etc. is very hard day in and day out. To me street kids represent the ultimate in giving up hope, b/c if they're on the street, they will never break out of the cycle of poverty. And it is not that easy to get them rehabilitated either - many of them from what I've been told run away from the rehab centres b/c they are used to having so much freedom. And it's not just kids - many a day I see this one guy without any digits begging for change and the other day I saw a man who only had one leg, using this long pole to support himself as he hunkered down.

One of the mzungus who lives in Nakuru now, and heads up the Nakuru Business Association, which is trying to restore Nakuru to its former glory, calls these kids 'casualties' b/c their situation is a result of all the graft and corruption by the local gov't. There's really nothing sadder in the world than seeing these kids living out in the streets.

The honest truth is that there's not much about Nakuru that I will miss. The only thing I can say that I will miss is interacting with the little kids here in Nakuru (the non-street kids). This past week, as I walked into town there was one little toddler, probably no older than 2, and I tapped this kid on the shoulder as I walked past him. He started scurrying after me holding his hand to be shooken. Once, kids crossed the street to shake my hand. I feel like Barney at times. That's what I'll miss. Little kids calling me 'mzungu' = cute; adults on boda bodas or selling things calling me 'mzungu' = not cute and uber-annoying.

The manager at my gym asked me for my iPod. He said I could get a new one in London. Once I told him how much it cost, that ended that line of discussions. Even if I got a new iPod in London, I would be completely songless. Which begs the question - what is the true value of an iPod?

I've basically had requests for everything except the shirt off of my back. Oh wait, one of the hawkers that I know complimented me on the shirt I was wearing the other day (a Toronto Blue Jays' t), so I guess in a subtle way he was probably asking for it, since he did know that I am leaving on Thursday. I am donating a number of pieces of clothing to an NGO here, and I gave the coach of the boxing gym where I used to train 1000 ksh to be put towards tournament expenses.

Now, I'm just spending the days tying up loose ends, handing over my files, reading. I'm still reading the Economist and Time on a regular basis, and I am almost done "Crime and Punishment" which is a very punishing read.

You probably know that I've already started fundraising for the CIBC Run for the Cure. I've reached nearly 20% of my goal.

I have figured out the tooth mystery in Kenya. They love their sugar here. My colleagues will put two teaspoons of sugar in tea made with milk where I will put none. One of the cereals for sale in Kenya has the following instructions:

1) pour cereal

2) pour milk

3) add sugar

4) add fruit if you wish.

Sugar is mandatory, and fruit, one of the four basic food groups, of which you're supposed to eat 5 to 10 day servings a day, is optional. Plus, on that same box of cereal, the second ingredient listed: sugar.

I've started the packing process already. The ruungu sticks are packed away. Also in the "Why did I buy that?" category: Massai necklaces for my family. What's so bad about these necklaces? Well the big ones are the size of an LP and the smaller ones are the size of a 45. (My little cousins will have no clue what I'm talking about when they read that.) And they are made of beads, so a number of them are kind of heavy.

On the topic of "stupid purchases" I'm thinking of buying a shield with the Kenyan design/colours on it. This would actually be a semi-practical purchase in case I ever have to go to war. Plus, I'm given my brothers ruungu sticks, and it can't be very wise to give them a weapon without giving myself some way to protect myself.

I suppose the worst case scenario is I can leave all my souvenirs in Vancouver in trust with my friend and let people go there to pick 'em up.

One word to sum it up: interesting. The level of poverty amazes me. I can't walk anywhere in Nakuru without seeing someone begging for change or kids with glue bottles stuck to their mouths. It's like these people have been completely forgotten. And unfortunately for me to see any direct results from the work that I did here, is a 2 year commitment minimum. I'd go stark raving mad if I had to stay here that long. I can deal better with the isolation than I can with seeing the street kids.

I'm glad I did it, but I'd have preferred to be working directly with small businesses.

Will I miss Kenya? Sure in the winter, when I'm freezing, and maybe in the summer when the humidity makes being in Toronto unbearable. I will NOT miss having to sleep under a mosquito net (not that I always stay under it at night, which explains the plethora of 'squito bites). But I miss eating fruit and salads - I don't really feel comfortable eating vegetables here unless they're cooked.

FYI: While I am going to keep this e-mail address, effective May 1 most of my correspondence will go through jacob_kojfman@hotmail.com

So really, that's it. I'm signing off.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Aerosmith in two weeks!

Jacob

today is the longest day of my life

2007-04-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hey you,

It's me again. This may be the last e-mail I send to you. I may write you a letter next weekend instead.

As of Monday, I will have only ten (10) days left in Kenya.

I've been advised not to cut my trip short regardless of whether the gov't falls on the 20th, so London and Vancouver here I come. Perhaps Paris too, as everyone is advising me that 8 days in London is a lot of time.

So here's my brilliant idea for a job: There's a guy who financed the genocide in Rwanda and there's a reward of $5 million USD on his head. First step, learn the fugitive's name. So this summer I'm going to train in hand-to-hand combat, learn how to shoot a gun and sniper rifle, learn some African dialects, come back to Africa and catch the guy. I figure it won't cost me more than $250 000 in expenses so think about the profit margin on that. If you want to pitch in a bit, I'll share some of the bounty with you.

I'm also going to try out for an NBA team this summer in the hopes of signing a free-agent contract. I am an excellent benchwarmer, and I look great in a suit, so I'd make an excellent 11th or 12th man on the active roster, or part of the 15 man roster. Plus, with all of my community involvement, I'd be a PR boon to any team, especially the Trail (formerly Jail) Blazers. Don't worry, if I make the team, I'll get you tickets when I'm in Toronto.

So the Jacob Foundation is back in full swing, which is good for the kids, but cash-in-flow is starting to trickle down. I may have to start begging or mugging to get more funds to feed the kids. I met this one street kid who was 15 years old, and I asked another one where he lived, and he said by the coke factory. There are no houses by the coke factory to the best of my knowledge.

I have my own little gang of street kids. I feel like Fagan, but I can't communicate with any of them. One of the kids asked me for money and I offered to take him to the restaurant but he kept pointing in the other direction towards a car. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but he eventually came with me and 3 others to the restaurant.

I usually take the kids to the exact same restaurant, and have never eaten there myself. I feel kind of bad b/c I'm not helping those kids with healthy eating habits b/c they always get soda.

I went to Nairobi on Thursday April 5 to have lunch with a mzungu from Alberta. A few weeks ago, he read my column in the Post (the one about the pirated DVDs) and contacted me. This man is my new role model. He's made millions in Alberta and is coming to Kenya to put that money to good use. He's bought acres of land for an orphanage, and is investing in income generating activities. He got inspired to do this after reading an autobiography of an orphan in Kenya who made millions in business, sold his interests and has helped set up orphanages, schools, etc. to help those who have been neglected by society. He offered to send me the book, but I declined - told him he was preaching to the choir. He treated me to lunch, which was nice.

However, the return trip home was less than pleasant. I got to the matatu station around 3:40 or so after going to the bookstore. The company booked me onto shuttle no. 21; at that moment, no. 10 was loading. It was at least 2.5 to 3 hours before I actually got onto a matatu.

After going to the net cafe for nearly an hour, and then to a restaurant to get a couple of sandwhiches, I still had another hour wait. One guy showed me the direction to the restaurant and then asked me for 100 shillings so he could get a beer. I told him I didn't have any. He returned to the matatu station twice more while I was still waiting, the second time I was actually in the matatu, seated by the window, and he asked me for another 50 shilling to take the bus. The dude had a job, too, so it's not like he was a street person.

I'm on a 4 day weekend, 5 if you count the fact that I took yesterday off to go to Nairobi. 4 day weekends in Toronto rock - that's 4 opps to go to brunch. I love brunch.

4 day weekends in Nakuru suck. Everything is closed today (Friday) and I'm sure will be on Monday too (as well as the usual closing on Sundays). I'm spending my time reading - one of the books I bought was Crime and Punishment and the other was about the guy who started Grameen Bank.

I'm pretty much done my projects. I wrote 30 pages on source separation and waste management in other countries (first and third world) and analyzed how it is being done in Nakuru (not so much) and recommendations for what my NGO should do to try to replicate source separation in other programs. It's hot stuff, talking about waste and source separation. If it doesn't get your juices flowing I don't know what will.

The drawback to leaving after only 6 months is I won't see how my recommendations play out or how the whole waste management stream takes effect in Nakuru. Also, I won't be able to gauge the success of the marketing plan I've worked on for the organic fertilizer. There are still a lot of questions that are unanswered, despite the market research that I did. For starters, were the sales at the Farmers' Field School graduation because of the promotion price or because Mazingira was the only fertilizer for sale there. Those are questions that my NGO has to follow up on after I leave, during and after the planting season which is coming upon Nakuru.

Please don't even consider suggesting that I stay longer. I was told by my buddy who heads the Nakuru Business Association (a mzungu who moved here b/c he married a Kenyan) that while I can make a bigger impact here than I could in Europe (very true), it's VERY lonely and isolating here. Plus, I really need to get back to Toronto to play basketball with people who are closer to my skill level and are not dunking over me like Vince Carter over a Frenchman. And by "closer to my skill level" I really mean, older, shorter, and much worse than me.

The luggage issue is still weighing heavily on my mind and in my bags. I may try to wear all of my clothes to lighten the load (I am leaving a no. of clothes here to the NGO's driver and some orphanages). Once again, I'm cursing the purchase of those runguu sticks. I can't even blame them on being an impulse purchase, b/c they were not near the register! What was I thinking?!

British Airways does allow for a 3rd piece of luggage for people doing missionary work (something the travel agent neglected to tell me and cost me $240 at the airport to get my 3rd bag to Kenya. Can someone say 'lawsuit'?), so here's hoping that the policy applies to return trips home, then I can mail my box o' books from Vancouver at what I presume would be a cost significant lower than $80 cdn.

Because a number of my readers have said that they will miss these weekly e-mails (ok, two readers have said that), I'm willing to provide you with a semi-annual mailer, one of which will be my annual Holiday newsletter. If you're interested, just send me an e-mail with the word subscribe.

On a final note, school let out this past week for the kids. They're off for a month. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my lil' buddy, Victor. I finally figured out what good little kids are when I had Victor give me inbounds passes so I could work on my quick release shot. You can't teach a dog to do that. I was hoping to give Victor my basketball but I guess I'll just have to leave it with the coach.

See you in a few weeks...

The Lord is my Sheppard

2007-04-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hey,

It's me again. I hope you had a good week. This is the 3rd last Monday Morning Jambos (TM). (I've also trademarked "Monday Morning Jambons", and "Monday Morning Hams".

Only 17 more days until I leave Kenya (assuming you're reading this on Monday, if not, figure it out for yourself). You miss me yet?

If you missed my column this past Wednesday in the Post here it is:

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/working/story.html?id=c5ef14da-ddcf-42fd-8bf6-a8bee4d875d6

I actually think it may be the best one I've written for the Post and the best column I've written since Kacob Jojfman Goes to the Formal. I managed to sneak in three (3) of my favorite things into this column: my ties; baseball; and the quote from Jackie Robinson.

I am gunning to have two (2) more columns. One before I leave Kenya and one after I get back. I'm going to try to use this column and the first one I wrote to propel me to more freelance gigs.

I had another mishap this past week and to save myself the embarassment, I'm going to keep the details to myself. By then, all the physical evidence should have mended.

Elton John is right. Saturday night is all right for fighting. I attended the fights last Saturday at the boxing club where I used to train. The guys with whom I used to train were boxing. I went over to wish them luck and one of the guys asks me where the gift I brought for them is. The Nakuru club won 3 (one by default b/c the other club had no opponent) and lost 3. This one guy David, very friendly guy, was fighting in Bantam (64 kg max) and just pummelled his opponent. The ref had to stop the match. Most of the matches were stopped b/c of blood, etc. The boxers have to share gloves and the helmet, and in some cases the shirt. I can only hope that they each had their own mouthguard, otherwise, gross.

After the match, I was waiting outside the bank for my cab to come. The kids from the boxing club came up to me. Dominic, one of the little guys who won his match, asked me where his prize was. He asked for money for a soda. Richard, who has always been quite brazen with asking me for things, asked me for a pen, telling me that he'd remember me by it. I gave it to himi. Then after he walked away I was frustrated with myself for giving him the pen. He didn't win his match and as a matter of fact he got the crap kicked out of him in his match and I just gave him a 'reward'? It's like giving a dog a treat after he pees on your carpet.

So there was a happy reunion in the Jacob household last Friday - I got a new DVD player. The store gave me a new one b/c it didn't get the DVD player repaired in time. To celebrate, I watched Season 1 of 24. Again. Bad mistake. 12 episodes later, at 4am, I finally went to bed. I did realize what made 24 such a great show. It's not the fact that each episode ends on a cliffhanger but how the entire story brings different storylines together to make a really kick ass story.

I managed to make it to ball only one (1) time this week, b/c it rained the other days. I played ball with the little kids again. This time my team dominated, only one game were we in risk of losing. I try to get the kids to shoot and drive as much as possible, and really only score when there's been a drought. I outrebounded all of the kids and out hustled them. They play what I call "sweater D" - the kids just drape the player with the ball, reaching in every time. If there was a ref, the whistle would be blowing every time. Kudos to my lil' buddy Victor who sat out a game so another kid, Chris, could play. That is good sportsmanship.

Magazine wise, it was a very bad week for me. I've been patiently waiting the new Men's Health (North American edition) and when it didn't come as of yesterday, I broke down and bought the UK version with Ryan Reynolds on the cover. The UK edition is the worst of the three that I buy. I couldn't get the Economist until today, and that was only b/c the stockist, who knows me from popping in everday to check up on Men's Health gave me the only issue he had that he was supposed to give to another customer. Yesterday, the guy was going to run me credit b/c I was a few shillings short but I went to the bank machine.
Which nicely segues me to my next point: the Jacob Foundation is back in business. I got my new Visa card last Monday and my bank card on Thursday, so now I can actually afford to buy the street kids meals. I've started to brownbag my leftovers and give them to the street people. It's better than having them go to waste. I gave some rice and beans to a street kid and told him to share with his friend. I felt like a parent yelling at him "Share! Share!"
I was also able to finally mail a letter I'd been sitting on for about a week. I just couldn't run the risk of spending the 95 shillings on a stamp!

I don't know if you know this but I get $200 CDN for each column I write in the Post. The money from this past week's column is going to be used as part of a social experiment. I'm going to leave it with the NGO here to be used for microfinance purposes. Then I'll follow the trail - who uses it, what did they do with it, when they repaid it, and what happens to their business. Then when the money and interest get loaned out again, repeat the process.
On the work front, I spent the week conducting telephone interviews with stockists about the marketing of agricultural products. What a headache. My favorite was the lady who said she could answer my questions and then once I proceeded to ask her, she said that she couldn't and I should wait for the manager.

Two more to go...

If you remind me, next week I'll tell you about the job idea I have. It's my 2nd or 3rd best idea. EVER!

your ever faithful correspondent,

Jacob

Catch-22

2007-03-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hey you,

how you been? How was your week?Miss me yet?

I was thinking this week of how much I miss rollerblading. We should definitely go when I get back. Only 596 more hours until I leave (if you're reading this on Monday. Don't ask how I know that 24 x 24 is 596 so quickly).

I had a bizarre week.

First, last Saturday I went to go play basketball only to find none. This put a damper on my weekend as I really wanted to play. I wasn't even allowed to go onto the court to shoot hoops. Needless to say, my shot is going to need quite a bit of work when I get back.

So that afternoon I went to town where I was approached by a kid asking for change. I took him to lunch. Here's the kicker, he remembered me as feeding him a while ago. It's nice to know that I'm not seen such as just a Daddy Warbucks. His name is Joseph Kamau. Then after my own lunch (I don't eat with the kids b/c of stigmas that may get attached to the kids, i.e. Michael Jacksonism), I went to get some ice cream (more on that in a bit) at the grocery store, and a kid approached me to ask if I worked for WDGA or JA b/c he was at the conference where I spoke and enjoyed what i had to say about their responsibility to demolish poverty (his words not mine). So no one's here to toot my horn, so toot toot.

So Tuesday I lost my cards: bank and credit. This still hasn't dampered my magazine purchasing habits, which means I could soon find myself having to beg for change on Kenyatta Avenue. But the good news is that the lady who works at the store where I buy most of my magazines said she'd toss some change my way. I may have to take out my own microfinance loan to continue to fund the Jacob Foundation.

A new VISA card is on its way to me - hopefully by Monday. I've arranged for credit at the hotel where I live so I'll still have clean clothes and one of the restaurants where I used to eat.
I've gone vegetarian - not for ethical or health issues but financial. For 80 ksh i get a delicious bowl of bean stew and rice whereas the beef equivalent - 150. Cha ching. That 70 shillings can get me two (2) soft serve ice cream at the grocery store.
Yes that's right I now can get soft serve ice cream here. I prefer it to the hard kind b/c of less fat. Woo hoo.

Wednesday I went to play basketball for the first time in a week. The power of the ball is amazing. A few months ago I met this school kid named Victor - very smiley kid. We shot around on Wed. Little kids are great to have around b/c they can get the ball when you make your shot. Anyway, I had him start to do lay ups - I'd pass him the ball as he's running and he'd lay it in. Then another kid joined us, then a third, then I had them form a line. Next thing I know all the kids on that half of the court were lining up for the mzungu to pass them the ball. I've always wanted an army of loyalists, just I'd prefer one that I can use to storm the Bastille, not a sand castle. Ah well, something to work on when I get back to the T-dot.

So after putting the kids through lay up drills, we broke out into teams of 4 to play tourney style. My team, all short, and could not stick to their men on D for their lives. Every team we played had at least one guy open near the net. I was superpissed. If the kids were not in their school unis (yes they ran layups and played ball in their unis) i'd have made them run suicides and do pushups. I run a tough camp.

This past week what did I do for work? Went to interview garbage collectors (the organizations that provide the service) to find out how well prepared they are for source separation when it comes into play. This job would've been much better suited for someone who is interested in city planning, waste management, or the environment. But I'm making do. I really should've pushed to do more work with the microfinance arm, but I didn't want to come across as a pushy Canadian. Oh, there may be a crimp in my travel plans depending on how the budget (Canadian not mine) goes. IF an election is called for April 30, my return date, I'm going to forego London and Vancouver and come home for the 20th to spend the 10 days campaigning. London and Vancouver will still be there. The election not so much. Then again, if there's an election this year it will be the third one in Canada in about 3 years. African countries have more political stability, albeit, they are run by dictators some of them.

A trip to Vancouver in the summer would be ace. One of my friends and his wife are coming to Victoria this summer and I haven't played ball with him in ages.

Either way, I know I'll for sure be in Vancouver in 2010 and in London in 2012 for the olympics - participating baby! Just haven't figured out in which sport(s). I'm thinking of 2-man luge for the winter, as long as I get to be on the bottom so I can use the other guy as a buffer against the ice in case we fall off. As for the summer sport, I'm thinking something to do with walking. I'd be perfectly content to warm the bench for Team Canada's basketball team, but I think that team has enough slow white guys.

I did write out a column for this past week but it got dropped. Space issues and sucking issues. I'm working on a better one. For those who think this is easy, it is very hard, especially to have to tie it to a theme (working).

I'm hoping to get some more freelance gigs when I get back. I'm trying to find the contacts of editors of magazines for which I'd like to write.

Remember how I was so proud of the deal I struck for the additional wares? WelL I got jacked. The vendor finally got the wares to me and then said his supplier wants 150 ksh per item (11 items). He was supposed to give me all 11 for only 1000 (I asked for 10 and he offered to toss one in for free. I'd hope so - grand total I bought from him: 51). I said forget it. He asked for an additional 200 and I figured it was worth it to get him out of my life.
The other vendors, I've had to be more direct with them and tell them no I don't want/need cards - not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm just going to have to ignore them from now on, but I"m thinking I may have to kill one of them and stick their head on a stick as a warning to all those who dare to trespass me.

A sort of homecomingHomecoming game is either May 6 or May 27. Please get your nominations for Homecoming Queen and Homecoming King. Voting begins for the King and Queen in the next couple of weeks!Looking forward to seeing you.

Miss you!
Jacob

21 Grams

2007-03-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

Hey you!How have you been? Long time no see. How as that little vacation/business trip you had? How's the family doing? And work, going ok I hope? I hope all is well with you.Me? I'm great. Was a bit sick this past week with a cough/cold. So that kept me from working out until Thursday night. I'm assuming you're reading this on a Monday, so I have 31 more days until I fly the coop. 6 weeks until I'm home in Toronto. I cannot wait to eat all the food that I'm not getting in Kenya - salmon fillets, sushi, berries: blue, straw, rasp, black, and cold milk that must be refrigerated. With the end approach so close, I realize I may have a bit of a predicament. My baggage allowance is 32 kgs from here to Canada. But from Vancouver to TO is only 23 KGs - damn you Air Canada. Now I'm leaving some clothes, and shoes here. And the almonds and walnuts I brought too are being left behind in a different form. But I have bought a bunch of books (in addition to the 13 I brought with me) and the souvenirs... needless to say I may be in a bit of a quandry. It's the Rungu sticks that are weighing the most - the traditional Massai clubs that are beaded. What for? I have no idea. At the time I thought I'd need them to start my own Massai army but I don't know if that's such a great idea now.Fedexing stuff is not an option. It would cost me nearly $200 US to just FedEx something as little as 10 kgs. So on Monday, I told a bunch of the street vendors that if I need anything I'll come to them. I thought this would solve my problem, but alas they are a wiley bunch. One of them saw me today and instead of asking me if I want cards asked me if I'm coming to see him for cards. So my new tactic: total ignorance. It's a shame it's reached the point where I can't even acknowledge them but they are like piranhas after that first drop of blood hits the water. A lot of them are also shysters in my opinion. Last Monday when I was supposed to buy the wares from Cosmas, one of the street vendors, one other was telling me that the wares he had belonged to Cosmas. I've cut a number of deals with Cosmas since then but he has yet to deliver. I'm not in a rush but thankfully I never pay in advance. The only thing I pay for in advance is my pizzas and guess what - next week: FREE PIZZA. CHA CHING!!! So how was my Thursday? Absolutely boring. I went to a graduation ceremony - not even mine. It was for those farmer groups graduating from Farmer Field Schools. Now the actual ceremony itself was not boring b/c when each group got called up to get their certificates, they'd be dancing and singing but everything till then - boring. Partly b/c the Kenyans have no concept of time. So about 4 pm we're packing it in and all the farmers who want to buy the OF decide at that time they should. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools comes and invites me to lunch (at 4 pm?) I really wanted to get out of there ASAP so I went with him, more out of concern of offending him, and when I got to the To start, I was there b/c I was representing Practical Action (represent represent) and the organic fertilizer. We (me and Mildred, the woman who works for NAWACOM, which is the investment co-op that actually makes the fertilizer) at about 7:50 am to set up our tent. However a few hours later we were told we had to move the tent. Around 11 am I got hungry so I went into town for lunch. I get cranky if I don't eat every 2 to 3 hours. Needless to say Yom Kippur is a real bad day for me. Picked up my magazines - Time and the Economist and headed back to the show grounds. Still, no ceremony starting yet. I think. When they do things in kiswahili I'm not too up and up on what is going on. Around 4pm, we're packing it up and that's when the farmers decide they want to buy the OF. Great timing. One of the officials of Farmers Field Schools invited me to the lunch (at 4pm? What the?) Not wanting to offend them, I went but when I got to the serving area, I just grabbed two chipati and walked back out to get back to our truck. At that exact moment, the Ministry of Agriculture District Officer called for a rep from PA to come present the next group with their certificates. Mildred sees me and waves towards me to go up on stage. So there I am, with chipati in my left hand and having to present the certificate with my right. The farmers' group to whom I had to present came up dancing, and singing (not a clue what), so I threw my right hand in the air and waved it all around like I just did not care. I think all graduation type ceremonies should have a little dance number attached to them. Unfortunately, I got a sunburn on my upper right arm b/c I wasn't wearing sunscreen as I was sitting there during the graduation ceremony.I did have an interesting conversation that morning with a guy who works for an NGO. He used to work with the street kids in Kenya and he explained to me how some of them end up on the street. And he told me that it's about 1 in 10 people in Kenya that have HIV/AIDS. Imagine that - 10% of the people here are infected. Life of Pi is a very interesting book. Very well written. Not one of my top 10 favorites but so far a very interesting story. Of course, by the time you read this I'll have finished it. May have to take a trip to Nairobi to get some more books. At least this time around all of my flights to and fro are at night so I can just sleep on the plane. What's on tap for me this weekend? I'm hoping to run with the big boys tomorrow on the court (the adults not the kids), and hit the gym. I have to write my next couple of columns this weekend. Well write one for next week and then start the rest. I'm hoping to squeeze out at least 2 if not 3 columns over the duration of my time here. On that note, have a great week. Looking forward to seeing you!Jacob

20/20

2007-03-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

First off, just to clarify: I was 99.98 joking about the name placement in the column in the Post. It's nice to see that so many people a) want to help Kenya's small enterprises; b) want to see their name in print; or c) a little from column a and a little from column b.

My 9th column appeared last Wednesday. I haven't been able to see it yet or find it on www.working.com . For those who missed it and want to see it, I'll be happy to send it to you as soon as I get a copy. If anyone else is interested, I'm going to host a reading of some of my columns at a local coffee house. Currently, I'm composing some music to turn it into a musical. I only play piano, so I'm looking for someone to accompany me on the guitar. Any takers?

Last Monday I was voicing my concern that I wasn't really empowering anybody by writing about source separation (and as a matter of fact may be impacting the livelihoods of some of the poor but I'll get to that later). Of course, what did I do that morning that is the exact opposite of empowering - I fed a street kid again. Well, I didn't feed him but I took him to a restaurant and let him order what he wanted (chicken and chips and soda at 9:30 am). I know, I know. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, but teach him to fish, feed him for a life, but I just told you - the kid had chicken. I don't even know how to teach anyone to fish, let alone catch, pluck and cook a chicken. I think the same kid was asking me for shillings later that afternoon too. Later that week, I bought another kid a meal b/c he told me he was hungry. I really have to get out of here ASAP before I run out of money.

By the time most of you read this, less than 5.5 weeks until I leave Kenya. 7 weeks until I'm back in Toronto, give or take a few days. I was asked by one of my colleagues what Canada has that Kenya is lacking. Oh, where to begin. Did I tell you that outside one of the banks I often see army men with machine guns.

On Wednesday night I was put in to play against the high school boys. Those kids can run. It's not just that I'm slow, they are quick. I thought I was going to have a coronary by the time the game was over. I seem to have the lung capacity of a 2-year old smoker. The next day my body was killing me. My knees hurt walking up the stairs and my hip hurt. If anyone knows any exercises I can do to strengthen my hips - much appreciated. I couldn't play basketball the rest of the week.

I'm down to 3 books. Well, probably 2.5 by the time you read this. I started Life of Pi this past week, and thankfully, one of the other two books is Kafka's The Trial. I started to read it some 5 years ago or so but only got 80 pages into it. It is one of the hardest books I have ever tried to read, so that one will probably keep me occupied for a while.

BUT, I do have my weekly magazines. Tuesday is a great day - new economist and new time, and once in a while, like this past week, Fortune as well. I feel like Johnny 5: more input!

So this past week I went on a field trip with the trash collectors who work for the town. What a waste - they couldn't answer any of my questions about the new by-laws for waste separation. While in the truck cab with the driver he asked me if we had hawkers in Canada (people selling stuff on the street). To me it sounded like a word that starts with "h" but rhymes with "lookers". I said sure we do, and asked him where they were now, in Nakuru. He said they're out on the street now. I was a bit surprised. I mean who would get a "looker" at 10:30 in the am? Once I figured out that he meant hawkers, it made the flow of conversation that much easier.

On Friday AM I went to interiew one of the officials in the dept of environment - the dept that oversees garbage collection in the town. The official was speaking english, and i was speaking english, but I don't think either of us really understood what the other was saying. It was like a conversation between George Dubya, and well, anybody who can actually speak english properly. I was trying to gather info on how the town council is prepared to engage in source separation when it collects waste, and to be honest, I don't think the dept of environment has really thought this whole separation at the source thing through. I'm meeting with the officials of the private waste collectors next week to ask them the same questions. Good times.

I've taken up a new hobby to alleviate the boredom - beard growing. It's low maintenance and doesn't cost me very much in terms of time and money. Actually it's really boring.

This past Saturday I did something very different - a few weeks ago I was asked to speak at a Junior Achievement conference the Junior Business Forum. For those of you who may not know, but for 5 years I was an Advisor in JA's Company Program where I mentored high school students in running their own company - it's become a passion of mine. I know, i know - it's quite frightening to think that I'm helping to mold and shape our future generations. But I do... and I'd like to think it's something I actually do quite well. Turns out that I had to give a talk on corporate social responsibility. With less than 20 minutes notice. Thank goodness for Bill Gates and Google - the focus of my talk. Well their foundations, anyway.

How awesome are my negotiation skills here in Nakuru? I agreed to buy some local crafts - I asked the vendor what price he'd give me (I was buying a lot of them) and he said 100 ksh. Since I was prepared to offer 130 ksh for each one, I quickly signed on the dotted line. Well, that's just a metaphor. But here's where my kickass negotiating comes into play - I said I'd buy at that price but if I want any more then he has to give me the same price. He agreed. Later when I placed an order for a fraction of my original one he tossed in a free one. Cha ching. Send me to Iran Mr. Bush and I'll not only get the prez there to stop his nuclear program, but i'll get him to give up all that he's already got.

Zero of the week: McMaster university registrar's office. I sent them an e-mail asking them for 3 pieces of information and they only gave me the first one. I had to send another e-mail asking for the rest.

Till next week... keep your ear to the grindstone...

Jacob

19th Hole

2007-03-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

just a quick business matter first - I'm writing my last few columns over the next few weeks, and while I've resisted it before, I'm conceding defeat and giving in. What am I talking about? Product placement - that's right for only $25 I will put your name in my column in the Post. $100 for commercial ventures/advertisements though. Don't worry - 50% of all revenue generated from this idea will stay behind in Kenya and go towards microfinance organizations in Kenya so you'll be helping to alleviate poverty while getting your name in print. Plus, I'll personally autograph that column for you with a "best wishes, Jacob". Think about it.

So next week I'm going to help negotiate the trial farms on one guy's property. It's going to be an interesting experience b/c the professor who is overseeing the technical aspect of this project thinks that it is entirely the project's responsibility to tend to this trial farm including the labour, while I'm not sure if my boss, the one who works for Practical Action (the NGO), actually feels about this.

I made it to basketball and the gym this past week for the first time in weeks. I'm still as slow as molasses but in a game I did have a nice block. Sure the kid is only 17 and probably a good foot shorter than me but still. I really need to get back in shape for my return home. I've been turning into a bit of a chubalub. The Golden Grahams addiction certainly didn't help. I've kicked the habit cold turkey. I had too - I was at the office on Sunday and eating some of the delicious golden goodness when I noticed there were two empty boxes in the garbage. In a little under a week I had eaten almost 3 whole boxes. I may have a partially opened box in my hotel, so like the smoker on their last pack that'll be it for me.

On my way to get my mid-morning snack at the restaurant, a kid approached me for a shilling so I offered him a meal. He readily accepted. I thought he was a little too well dressed to be a street kid, but the people who work at the restaurant confirmed it for me. All of 8 years old and he's out on the streets begging for change. This is what I encounter on a daily basis. And the funny thing is that Kenya is one of the better countries in Africa - there's been no wars here (not that I know of), and the economy is supposed to be growing.

The worst part is the lack of social services programs for those who are in dire need - I'm talking about the disabled (or physicall challenged) and those kids and adults who are hooked on the glue. The closest I've come to seeing social programs is a letter that I think the government provides that people can show to solicit donations/support from members of the public. I saw one gentleman who had such letter, sitting on the major street in Kenya with his kid and letter stating that he's disabled and can't work. The other one was a gentleman who was deaf, but I'm not sure what his deal was but he had a letter looking for support in the form of cash donations or effects - so I bought him some shoe polish b/c that was one of the examples given. The quick shine kind, b/c I assumed that he probably didn't like to shine shoes b/c really, who does?

Since I've come to Kenya it's been like Christmas, just without the snow. I got another gift this past week - a book. Woo hoo. Yay me. I feel like Jesus, except instead of getting gold, myr and frankenscence, I've gotten a book, magazines, fake Crocs (or as I call them Frocs) and contact lens solution. Ok, so the last thing I asked for, but still, it was a surprise when it finally arrived from Canada, only 5 weeks after it was mailed. Don't worry, I got a surprise for you when I get back - me! I just hope you don't expect me to giftwrap myself when I see you b/c I think I'd look really odd on the subway sitting there in giftwrap with a pretty bow on my head.

Interesting little tidbit I found out this past week - the waiters at the restaurant where I do most of my eating - they get paid only 240 kenyan shillings/day. To put this into perspective, my lunch and coffee today cost me 355 ksh. I don't tip b/c I don't think it's custom here in Kenya (I did leave a couple of tips closer to the holidays, um x-mas, not valetine's) and before I leave I will leave the wait staff some cash tip, but it's just frightening how difficult it seems to be to make a decent living in Kenya. I'd be willing to bet that even the waitstaff at Canoe could probably afford a meal there a day just based on the tips that they get there... and the guy who used to sell me DVDs (I say used to b/c there's no point in buying anymore since my player doesn't work) - he sometimes only sells one or two a day at most. That means at best he's taking in 1000 ksh a day. Did I mention that the town where I live, the city council pilfered 85 million ksh?

Less than 49 days until I leave Kenya - 57 until I can roll up the rim to win. And win I will...

Have a great weekend everyone. Till next time...

j.

18 till I die

2007-02-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

Greetings,.

As an addendum to my hospital story, that saturday morning I fell and hit the back of my head on the floor of a restaurant I promote quite frequently. The floor was wet, and down I went, back, elbow and back of hit hitting the floor in that order. So it definitely was not a good weekend that one. Yesterday, there was a dead body found very about 1/2 way between my hotel and my office. I found out later that night that it was a vigiliante act - some people got together and stoned someone that was a thief. The boda boda riders saw it and did nothing about it.

On a safety note, I have started to take taxis home at night after dark, even from in town. This was on advice of my boss Janet. What prompted me to ask her whether or not I should was walking in the dark and seeing packs of street people. Apparently, there's a presumption that mzungus have money... so as a precaution, I take a cab back to the hotel after dark. With less than 7 weeks until I depart, no sensing playing Russian Roulette with the walks home in the dark. I suppose it would be more akin to Kenya Roulette. I'm a little bit relieved that I won't have to walk in the dark b/c the drivers here really worry me - sometimes I think that they wouldn't even stop their cars if they actually hit something or someone.

Health watch:I'm doing much better since my little bout with dehydration. I've started to drink more water and tea and now I've started to take vitamins (Thanks Peter!). Unfortunately, I think I may have to check into rehab when I get back b/c I've developed a dangerous addiction to Golden Grahams (the cereal, that's not the nickname for some sort of new designer drug). They're quite delicious even without milk. I've been rather negligent in my trips to the gym lately but that's going to change. It's my March Resolution.

The disappointing thing about Kenya is that the stores do not discount their valentine's cards after Feb. 14. Otherwise, I was going to stock up for the future. Most of the cards don't even say Happy V-Day, but just give some sort of over-the-top-cheezy sentiment of how much the sender loves the recipient of the card. Pretty smart, if you ask me. I mean why limit yourself to only one day of sales?

Thing that amuses me about Kenya this week:The approval scheme: Everytime I order dinner in the hotel where I live the waitress says "It's ok.". When when she says that, it sounds like she's approving my choice of dinner. I'm waiting for the day that she tells me it is not ok and insists I have something else.

I've stopped eating dinner at the hotel b/c they don't serve beef anymore b/c of the Rift Valley Fever - it's caused the price of beef to go up. So I go someplace else that serves beef, which oddly enough, actually had to raise their prices for their chicken dishes. That's at this restaurant called Gilani's, which is also the name of one of the supermarkets here. In the supermarket there's a couple of signs. One reads "Chickens wanted" and the other "Eggs wanted". First time I saw the Eggs wanted sign, I checked my pockets to see if I had any eggs on me, but I didn't. I normally don't walk around town with eggs in my pocket. Actually, I don't think I've ever walked anywhere with eggs in my pocket.

This past week I was approached by a street kid. I offered to buy him a meal but I think that there was a huge communication barrier that he did't understand what I was saying and I couldn't decipher what he was saying. It was like a conversation with G. W. Bush and, well, anybody else who can actually speak English. Kid kept following me, so I started to run to lose him. He started to run, and somehow in his barefeet, he kept up with me. He followed me all the way to a restaurant (same one where I fell) where I was getting a snack, so I had to sneak out the back.

I finally found a place to have a decent pizza in this town. They don't really carry a vegetarian one, so I ordered a Hawaiian pizza but sans the bacon and ham. Well, that day they brought me a pizza with peas and beans on it instead of my meat-free 50th State Pizza. In 1995, when I was in university, people started to put broccoli and chicken and spinach on pizzas. At first, I thought that was cooky talk. But really, it's quite delish. Peas and beans on a pizza - not so much.

Is Dexit still working in TO? Could anyone who works at ScotiaPlaza please tell me if the Tim Horton's there still accepts Dexit? I'm asking b/c the cover story in the Economist this past week discussed the death of cash society.

Until next time,

Coming to you live from Nakuru,

I couldn't dance with another...

2007-02-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ola Hombres,

Well, first things first. As any good international correspondent, I went and examined the Kenyan health care system first hand. I went to the hospital on Sunday night for dehydration. On one hand, no waiting line (advantage Kenya) but the next day when I checked out, I had to pay cash (advantage Canada).

I was hooked up to an IV on Sunday, which believe it or not is something of which I've dreamed. Of course, the rest of the dream is that I'm hooked up to the IV b/c I just raced 80 yards downfield to score a touchdown in the Super Bowl. So really, this wasn't such a dream come true.

While the equipment used in the hospital is sterile - I saw them take the needles out of the packets, the service by the nurses, isn't exactly up to par. I'm talking about more non-medical aspects of service. Case in point: the rehydration formula that was being prepared for me had instructions in English to boil water and mix the packet in COOLED water. The water the nurse brought to me was still steaming. I know it's been a while since I participated in any science fairs, but I'm pretty sure that water that is still steaming is not cooled. Big perk, is that the drugs (legal ones people) here are so much cheaper than even Canada. I don't know why the seniors from the US just don't come to Africa instead of going to Canada? The drugs here are soooo much cheaper in Kenya than even Canada. Someone might want to tell the Matlock lovin' crowd that they're really barking up the wrong tree. I'm much better now. Drinking a lot more water and black teas (they make all their teas here with milk) juices and eating soups. I eat the soups straight out of the can - the instructions say to heat them in a saucepan. If anyone knows of any health risks of what I'm doing (besides the obvious of being in Africa), please let me know. Speaking of soup, when I had the hotel where I live heat up the soup, I gave the waitress the instructions and pointed out the instructions on the can. What she brought me well over an hour later was a warmed can. Apparently, they put the can in the saucepan (I think) and heated it up. No way was I opening up a heated can of soup. What if exploded on me? What an embarrassing way to go!
My first two trips overseas in 21 years, and I get sick on both (India in June 2006). This may be a sign to go to places where are less dangerous. So I guess a trip to Detroit is definitely out.So I'm alive and kickin'. For those of whom I've left something in my will, you'll just have to hold out a little longer.

Down on the farm
I do have some bad news - I apparently missed the National Ploughing Contest in Kenya that was held in November. I only found out about it last week as I was searching for information on the Agricultural shows of Kenya. I'm obviously doing this as part of my job and not b/c I have a new found interest in agriculture. Believe me, I do not. I'm just looking for ways for the organic fertilizer to reach the maximum number of farmers as part of my recommendations in my marketing plan.
I got shaken down by one of the farmers I've met this past week. I took a bunch of farmers on a field trip, to, well, a field (Where else would you take a field trip?) to see the trial plots of crops being grown with the organic fertilizer. I called up the chairman of the farmers' networking group that saw the trials to arrange another meeting with him, and the next day he calls me to say he's in town and will come to my office. Well, there was a meeting with him, my boss and me, and he's trying to get free fertilizer out of us (and free seeds too I think). My boss leaves, and the farmer is getting ready to leave when he goes "there's just the matter of my bus fare". I offered him 35 kenyan shillings and he says that it was over 100 and that 200 will do. I was schocked. I mean I didn't tell him to come into town - we could've arranged the Monday trip to his farm over the phone which would not have cost me 200 ksh.

Amusing site of the week: valentine's day cards for sale on the street with a "TO" at the top and "FROM" at the bottom. These were not the kind with some sort of fluffy cartoon character on them that pre-schoolers give one another. I think they were legitimately aimed at the adult market. Did you know? The NBA sends an all-star dance pack to the all-star game? Each teams' fans vote on which of their dance pack members they want to send to the all-star game. It's good that the girls are being recognized for their hard work on the court. Till next time...Jacob

Sweet 16

2007-02-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

Well this is e-mail is no. 16, so everyone, please celebrate with a piece of cake, ideally with pink frosting.How was this week? Well, I've started a new routine to avoid the street kids. I will sometimes cross the street to avoid them if they're on one side, and hope that they don't see me. I'll still buy a kid a meal every now and then but I just can't do it everyday. I still refuse to give money to the kids that sniff glue. I had an interesting experience a few weeks ago with a gluehead. I'm not stereotyping - he had the bottle glued to his mouth. He saw me walking up the street and stuck his hand out to me. He didn't even ask for money - just muttered something so incoherent. I didn't break stride - just kept telling him "no thank you" and "sorry" in my wonderful Swahili.

Work wise, well I'm reading a lot about well let's just put it like this: human waste. Way too much for my liking. Apparently it's a valuable resource for compost if treated properly.

You know what else is a great thing about having learnt way too much about compost: the word humus. which is a shame b/c i really like to eat humus. I tell you, I'm going to be the hit of the cocktail party circuit once I get back. Kidding. Here's my promise to you: Once I return I promise never to mention anything to do with waste. Ever again. Ever.

I'm starting to get better deals from the street vendors. Sometimes they give me a good deal without me even having to bargain. They're kind of suckers that way b/c sometimes they'd get more than what I do end up paying them, but woo hoo for me.

Of course, I had one vendor renege on our deal. I don't know if I should sue him for breach of contract or not since it was a) an oral one; b) i don't think i have that much faith in the kenya legal system; c) what would I be saving: $20 us? Maybe $50?

Last week I made it to basketball training but once. This week twice. I don't go when it rains or when the ground is wet. Not b/c i'll melt a la the wicked witch of the west but b/c the court is outdoors so wet cements increases the chance of injury. I made it back twice this week. Either those kids are getting much faster or i'm getting much slower. I've decided that when i get back to Canada, i'm going to just try to play basketball with the 70 to 80 year old crowd. For starters, I hope I can out run them, and outjump. "c'mon, Gramps, that the best you can do!?"

So this week is valentine's week. They do celebrate here in Kenya but it is not as commercialized as it is in North America. There have been cards for sale for a number of weeks now, but in Nakuru, it was only this past week that the grocery store put out a Valentine's table (note: one table, not rows and rows) of gifts. One of the funniest things I find is that the cards here are way too overdramatic and over the top. I don't care how romantic you are, some of them should just not be given. I'll try to take a photo of some of the cards to show you just how cheesy they reall are.

One of the newest souvenirs I've seen is some sort of key chain with a name on it and what I assume is the meaning of that name in Swahili. Example: Roy means king. One of the vendors selling such artifacts told me that he had my name. So I just looked at him and said: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die."

Dude just looked at me. I don't think he had a clue what I was talking about. It really sucks living in a pop culture vacuum.

How much does Kenya Standard Time suck? Well, I was supposed to be at a meeting on Tuesday. We were to leave the office at 2. We left at 2:30, and drove less than 4 minutes away to the district officer's office to pick up some officials. That should've taken all of 2 minutes tops. We were taking them to see the agronomic trials of the crops being grown with our organic fertilizer. Well, 30 minutes later we finally left. So we were uberlate for the meeting at the trial site. When the professor called my boss, she said we were 5 minutes away. That's also Kenya speak. Everything is 5 minutes away. When i ask the wait staff how long till my dinner is ready, their reply: 5 minutes.

The same night I had to meet the guy from the ngo to give him the goat money. Well he told me to meet him at 6:30,. I decided to leave my office at 6:40 b/c I figured he'd be at least 5 minutes late. Dude wasn't even there yet! I called him and he told me 2 minutes. 5 minutes later he shows up. Longest 2 minutes ever!

Thing about Kenya that cracks me up this week:How polite they are. I'm not talking about please and thank yous when appropriate, but "please" when a please is not even called for. On Sunday, I asked the chef making the omlettes "are those mushrooms?" His reply: yes please. Uberpolite. And apparently, here you don't ask for a beer by saying "give me a beer please." you say "Help me with a beer." I hear that and I picture the bar keep opening the bottle, nursing you with the bottle, and then turning you over his knee to help you if you drank the beer too quickly and developed gas. THAT's helping with a beer.

Heroes of the week:

1. the raptors: who may make the playoffs for the first time since i was in school! they have a 4 game lead on the nets. Go Raps!

2. the liberals: who picked up 1/2 a game on the torys this past week when Turner went Red.

3. Didi: for also buying a goat. The NGO has advised that male goats will do the most good.

The way it works is that those who get the female goats have to bring them to a farmer who has a male goat, pays said farmer $1, they put the goats together, put on some luther vandross or john mayer, light some candles, pour some wine, and let the goats get to business. so basically i'm helping facilitate the illicit sex trade in goats.

then when that female goat gives birth to a female kid, the farmer gives the kid to the ngo to repay the ngo for the credit in kind.

Random question of the week:How much does Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive rock?Answer to Random Question of the week: infinity.

Kenyan mystery of the week: This country has the technology for instant payment mechanisms in place (think e-mail payment, PayPal) but their postage stamps are still the old school licking kind.

Next week: Pictures of Bananas the Goat. I met him on Tuesday afternoon.

Till next week, happy Valentine's Day, and remember, who loves ya baby?

15 Minutes of Fame

2007-02-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

a few housekeeping matters.

Here's the link to column 6 for those who may have missed it:

http://working.canada.com/story.html?id=b6f40911-154e-4714-ae6b-c74a3291bad5&k=92267

And column 7, which appeared this past Wed.

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/archives/story.html?id=33a69d42-6738-445c-bc96-aef4d4e8fa54

Now, the last 1.5 weeks have been quite interesting. a week ago thursday on a whim, i sent an e-mail to a friend of mine, tahirih, to see how she's enjoying nyc - since i love that city, the shows, the sights, the sounds - and it turned out she was in kenya for the world social forum. so on sat. i hightailed it to nairobi to spend the day with her and her friend natalie.

t had to bail on us for a meeting so natalie and i headed into town. there's no place for two mzungus to have more fun than the massai market. we came across it totally by accident since we were just randomly walking around town, since neither of us are familiar with nairobi. you can't buy something from one vendor without the ones next to that booth asking you to "promote" them - and most of them do sell the exact same stuff.

oh the deals i got. i can't tell you the exact prices (not b/c i don't know them but in case the would be recipients of the gifts are actually reading this) but the price on 2 pairs of candlestick holders was not to my liking so i walked away from the vendor. Only to have said vendor chase me down 5 booths farther down the path and offer me 2 pairs for just a bit more than what he wanted for 1 pair. I ended up with 3 pairs for slightly more than what the vendor wanted for 2 pairs. However, when I left Natalie alone to pick out my candlestick holders, a swarm of kids converged on her and relieved her of her loose change.

Get a job, sha na na na, na na na

Great news. I got a job offer on saturday. i didn't take it. it was from one of the vendors. apparently, he liked the cut of my gib, and offered me 50% of his profits on whatever i sold. I turned him down, but said I'd "promote" him, and so, I turned around and yelled just randomly "Hey buy from this guy" pointing to my new potential employer. I obviously went with the North American meaning of promote, and not the kenyan one.

I need your magic tough, don't you know

It turns out that I'm a magician, having made nearly 10 000 ksh (just about $150 US) disappear within a span of a few hours. Who am I kidding? Most of it was gone within the 40 or so minutes that we were at the market. But the memories of buying that purple necklace, those will last a lifetime. It's too bad the necklace is so effeminate, otherwise i would wear it.

God put a smile on your face

Can I tell you how much living here in Kenya cracks me up? First off, at the world social forum there were people protesting against those groups who support same-sex people. Those protestors think that gay people need counselling, etc. etc. Protesting against a group does not sound very social to me. This is a country where men will hold hands with one another (yes i know it is accepted custom but i'm a mzungu and to me that signals dating ritual).

(ed. note: each week i'm going to try to remember to list something that cracks me up about living in kenya - if I forget, please, someone remind me)

So this got me thinking. I've decided that for my next trip, I am not going to go to a country that oppresses individual rights. I think you all should join me in this stance. Remember in the 1980s, when a bunch of rock stars got together and sang "ain't gonna play sun city" (sun city is a resort in south africa) to protest apartheid? Well, thankfully b/c of such stances, my 17 year old cousin, Aaron, lives in a world where he may not even know what apartheid is. (I'm assuming that he doesn't know what apartheid is b/c he doesn't know what GI Joe is.) That's the kind of world we should strive for!

So that means Turkey is out, b/c that country really oppresses free speech with its "insulting turkishness laws" (some armenian turk was recently assassinated - stuff like that i know, but not the fact that there was a carjacking in nairobi!); and paris is out for that matter b/c of its law that prohibits muslim women from wearing the veil. and most of the US b/c most states don't recognize same sex marriages... where is left for me to visit? Vermont? What am I going to do in Vermont?! Anyway, i hope that you'll join me in boycotting turkey. It's what Mandela would want. Oh, the country, not the poultry.

Animal

so this afternoon, i'm meeting with FSK (the goat giving ngo) to negotiate the terms of the purchase of the goat. I think the best name for said goat is "Dapper" b/c it's sponsor's manner of dress is so. I think what the sponsor would like in return for purchasing the goat is a yearly picture of the goat in a flat cap - those checkered caps that look flat on the head (they were quite popular on automobile drivers when the automobile first came out and Jenny McCarthy says they look stylish), and also that if the sponsor ever comes to kenya, that he should meet and milk the goat, and enjoy a glass of said goat's fruit (well milk, which is more dairy not so much fruit).

Bad obsession

my new obsession: the 2008 US Presidential race. more so, the democratic nomination. i have gotten in the habit of buying all magazines that feature stories about the race on the cover. with hilary and barrack in the running, this is going to get interesting. it will be nice to get back to toronto to be able to watch cnn during normal hours.

The big game

Please, don't tell me who won. I've had the game taped and in just about 3 months i will be home to watch it. I am pulling for the colts big time since i love peyton and marvin harrison. it's going to be tough for the next little while b/c it means that i'll have to avoid every website that has anything news related on it, including gmail b/c sometimes it has those newslinks at the top. as of may 2nd, feel free to discuss the super bowl with me b/c i'll have it watched by then!

Heroes and Zeroes

1) Maggie 1: for updating me on Smallville season 6, without even having had to wait for me to ask (hint hint, Jen 1). Now, I know what is going on and can sleep at night without worry whether or not clark is saving the world. i will admit, once lana hooked up with lex, i lost a lot of interest in that show. seriously, Lana? Lex!?

2) Mark 2: for having to put up with BS and still managing to go 3 in a row.

3) My younger brother Alex, a stand up comic: On March 22nd (I think) he's one of 10 finalists for the Toronto Bracket of the Just for Laughs competition, with the winner moving on against the other 6 cross-canada winners, and the winner of that getting a spot at Just for Laughs in Montreal. If anyone wants confirmation of the date, please e-mail me and i will let you know. Also, this is a money back guarantee - if you go see him and are not entertained, then i will give you your money back (please note: to receive refund, refund request has to be presented in person to Jacob Kojfman in Nakuru, Kenya. Any other refund request will be void and invalid).

4) Angela 2 - who despite my suggestion not to, did send me mail. Why do i suggest not to mail me anything even though i love getting mail (except for bills)? Well it takes 5 weeks for things to get here. You know what is instantaneous though? e-mail money transfers and they will NEVER be refused.

5) Tahirih and Natalie - for bringing me a little bit of Canadiana to Kenya, via New York City (Represent, represent).

Zeroes:

1) Turkey - for being so closedminded as to have a law limiting free speech, which in essence led to the assassination of that writer. I don't remember his name right now but if you Google "assassinated Turkish writers 2007" I'm sure it will come up. Oh, just to clarify, that's turkey the country and not the poultry. the bird is a wonderful source of protein.

Next week: Special Valentine's Day Edition!

Fortnight

2007-01-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings Earthlings,

As I am VERY out of the loop here in Kenya, for those who are now engaged, married, expecting, purchased real estate, sold real estate, etc., could you be so kind as to inform me please. Super.Well, this past week has been a very interesting one to say the least. From a health perspective, it was horrid. I got sick again and had a nice little disagreement with my stomach which my stomach won.
Always wear sunscreen

Remember that song from 1999 that was all the rage? As stupid as it was, it was very good advice. Some of the best, really. I burned my calves on Saturday from a lack of sunscreen on them. The next day, I went to two stores - a general merchandise store and a chemist (what they call a drug store) to ask if they had anything FOR a sunburn. Both times, I was shown suntan lotion. That's like giving me the bulletproof vest AFTER I've been shot. I had to show them my reddened calves to clarify - they had nothing in particular so I resorted to using a product with Aloe vera. The again, as someone pointed out, Kenyans don't get sunburned.

You never give me your money

Well, last Saturday, after I took those 4 kids out for a meal in the early morning, one of them asked me for more money later that night. I recognized him from his jacket that he wore all day. I even asked him if he remembered that I bought him a meal that day and he did say yes. Well, I'm assuming he understood my question, b/c here in Kenya people have a tendency of saying yes without even understanding the question. Or even if it is in fact a yes or no question. I was promoting a vendor on the street, and at that point, I can't really tell him I don't have any money so I gave him 21 shillings - the extra 1 fell on the ground. Then the very next day he asked me again.

You say goodbye; I say hello

To get around the problem, I had my colleagues teach me the Swahili word for go away and I've already had to use it a few times. It does work like magic, but I still feel really bad for having to resort to it. I suppose it is better than my other plan - to walk around without any money, b/c then if I get hungry, I'm SOL.

Hit the road, Jack

Well, I was supposed to go on a road trip today to conduct some market research for my project. My boss kayboshed it. I was actually glad - see, when I made the arrangements originally, I thought the location was only 2 to 3 hours away. Turns out it was at least 5 hours away. I say at least 5 b/c the conditions of the road sometimes take a trip that should really be x hours and double it. I was relieved b/c 5 hours in a car with a bumpy road does not lend itself to reading, and as much as I like Joseph, the driver, 10 hours on the road with him is a long time b/c the conversation is very minimal - once again the language barrier.

Mr. Postman

This week was a good one for Jacob in the postal world - both regular and electronic. I got an e-mail from a friend I hadn't heard from in a long while. Always a nice little treat.

Then regular mail wise - not one, not two, but three, yes, three pieces of mail. One was a care package from Amazon.co.uk . I'm really playing fast and loose calling it a care package, b/c I don't think it can qualify as a care package if: a) you order it yourself; b) pay for the stuff sent to you; c) pay to have it sent to you (shipping costs).

But, I also got a postcard from some dear friends who visited Thailand, and they also sent me footwear. I thought he was sending me basketball shoes b/c that is how our friendship blossomed - on the hardcourt.

Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell

One of the most surreal experiences I've ever been privy to was the sheep draft. One of the NGOs that was taking me to meet farmers had to deliver to said farmers sheep. It's a great system that they have here: the NGO buys the farmer a sheep or goat on credit-in-kind. That credit is repaid when the farmer's animal has a female offspring, which is then taken by the NGO and given to either another farmer within that group that is livestockless or to another group. The process keeps getting repeated ad infinitum. These goats represent an important food source for the farmers.

So I went to the farm to interview farmers, and after, they had to draw numbers b/c there were 8 farmers sans sheep but only 5 sheep available. Well, instead of logically just letting the person who draws #1 get first pick the farmers wanted to assign numbers to the sheep. Uber odd.

After the winners took possession of their sheep, they had their photos taken with said sheep, and the owner shaking the hand of the chairman of the sheep project. Almost a carbon copy of the NBA draft.

We can be heroes for just one day

My friend Dan is going to buy a goat for said NGO. Sort of the way those TV commercials ask you to sponsor a child, Dan will be sponsoring a goat. Right now, we're looking for suggested names of said goat. I am opting for "Bananas" because when Dan and I shared an office, our office was overrun with bananas. I plan on making sure that Dan gets regular updates and photos of said goat so he knows how the goat is doing.

You know the cliche "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Not so for me in Kenya. So far, I've left my hat in cyber cafe, my rain coat in a cybercafe and a restaurant, my cell phone in another cyber cafe, and all the times bc those are places I frequent quite frequently, the proprietors have either put aside my personal possessions till i was able to return, or in one instance, my main man Dixon, one of the waiters at the Sweet Mart chased me down, commenting that I walk too quickly. Really, Kenyans walk very slowly.

Heroes and Zeroes:1) Dan 1 - for helping to build a nation, one goat at a time.2) Dan 2 and Norah - for their gifts.Zeroes:1) Dan 3 - who told me how much he hates short e-mails, and that was pretty much the extent of his reply.

Until next week, stay classy.

Jacob

Lucky Number 13

2007-01-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've actually lost track of how many e-mails I've sent out so this is my feeble attempt to get a numbering system of sorts back on track!

The good news for some of you is that I've booked my return ticket to Toronto this past week. I was able to get a hold of my Aeroplan number. Had I not, I may have been stuck in Vancouver, b/c you know, you can't book an Air Canada flight without an Aeroplan number.

So, as of April 30th at approx 7 am I will be back in Toronto. Just in time to do my taxes, like the good Canadian I am, and watch Season 6 of 24, like the good Canadian that I am.
Since I watch the insignificant parts of 24 at 1.5 or 2x speed, I'm pretty efficient with my 24 watching habits. For instance, in Season 5, any time the President and his wife were talking - 2x it! Any time the CTU tact teams were walking someplace 2x it. Plus, it's kind of funny to hear the characters speak in such high pitched voices.

Mr. Taxman

Did you know that income taxes were started to pay for WWI? I think. I could be making that up. Maybe Lincoln started them to pay for the civil war. Either way, you should know the history of your taxes. Please prepare a report for me on the history of income taxes in Canada for next Monday.

Here in Kenya, tax collecting is a new phenomena. I think their Revenue Authority is less than 10 years old. The country has to remind people via propaganda that it is their duty to pay their taxes, and each year there's an award given out for taxpayer of the year. It's a corporate award. This has inspired me to start an award to be given out each year to the "Non-murderer of the year". I'm accepting nominations now, so please, let me know of someone you think has been a law abiding citizen.

Oops, I did it again

Living in Kenya is going to bankrupt me, not b/c I buy useless or expensive crap here. I took 4 kids out for breakfast today again. Street kids. I just hit the bank machine to take out money to pay my rent, so I always feel "rich" on those days, and sometimes I think the street kids have radar. It's really sad to see the kids walking up and down the street, some of them without any shoes, asking for a little money. Clearly, I have to leave Kenya, soon, lest I run out of money feeding the poor and hungry... here's hoping I don't pass anymore on my way back to the hotel. The money I took from the bank today was to pay my rent. If I don't pay my rent, then I'll be homeless. Well sort, of. I could always live in my office.

I also think I'm going to be the death of these kids b/c I do buy them meals. Why? B/c they always order chips (french fries, or freedom fries for my american/british readers) and soda (pop for my Canadian readers), which are probably the least healthiest items you can eat. Ever. That's my diet tip for you all today.

The biggest thing I've noticed here is not so much the poverty (you'd have to be blind not to see it), but rather how the cycle of poverty is perpetuated. I notice this with the kids with whom I used to train at the boxing gym, and with the kids with whom I train for basketball (more on that later). But the kids who are in the secondary school system, some of them, can't afford to go to college/university, which obviously caps their earning potential. They'll go on to have families of at least 3 or 4 kids, and won't be able to afford to send them to college/university, etc. etc. I see this a lot. Two of the kids with whom I trained at the boxing gym asked me to sponsor them for college. A lot of Kenyans see mzungus as money pits.

Last Saturday afternoon, I was reunited with my true love - the game of basketball. And like a woman scorned, she was cruel to me. Clearly, the 3 month layoff from the roundball did my game serious damage. I was invited to train with a team based in Nakuru, so on Tuesday, I showed up at the court. The first thought that went through my mind was that this team is rather small. Turns out, it's the high school team coached by the captain of the men's team. So I trained with them for 3 days last week, and will continue to do so until I leave.

I'm twice as old as most of them, twice as fat, and twice as slow. The first day, I thought I was going to have a heart attack from all the running. But I'm so glad I'm doing it. I'm learning the fundamentals, and getting in good practice with drills that will help keep me in shape. There's one kid who reminds me of Isiah Thomas, he's a pretty good dribbler too. If I could bring him back with me to Canada I would. There's one kid who is almost as tall as me. He's 18 and his name is Collins. Had he been any younger, I swear, this kid would grow to be a giant. He's one of the kids that I was discussing earlier, who can't afford to go to college right now, but hopes to do so one day. His grades are good enough, just not enough for the public college system (much cheaper than the private ones), so affordability is a real issue for him and his parents. I'm pretty sure there's not such a great student loan program offered by the gov't here in Kenya, after all, that would just cut into the money that governments could embezzle.

There's one kid, that is soooo skinny. The coach has to help him with the pushups. My calves are bigger than all of his limbs combined. I keep thinking that the wind is going to blow him over. Most of these kids play in shoes that are not fit for the dumps. I'm going to leave behind the basketball shoes that I brought to Kenya for these kids, and if anyone has athletic shoes that they'd like to get rid of, I'd be more than happy to take them off of your hands, and ship them to Kenya where they can get good use out of them. I'm going to solicit shoes from the basketball leagues in which I've played, too. Think of it like "Shoes without Borders". I'll use my charms to get FedEx or DHL or UPS to ship 'em for free. I've always wanted to start some sort of "without Borders" type organization. Please don't anyone suggest a Lawyers without Borders. I seriously doubt that most people whose biggest concern is when their next meal will come are concerned with doing an IPO.

Doctor Robert

This past week, I got sick. For those who have gone to India, the phrase you'll be familiar with is Delhi Belly, or for those who have gone to Mexico, Montezuma's Revenge. I don't know what the African/Kenyan equivalent is, but it hit me this week on Monday and Tuesday. Thankfully, I came prepared with those packets of rehydration powder, so now I'm back up to snuff. But, I have to make a concerted effort to drink more. I'm thinking of Beefeater Gin. I have more trust in the booze in Kenya than I do in the water.

I do realize that I'm probably missing all those letters of the alphabet that make up the nutrients I need. I found a package of Centrum multi-vitamin capsules (90 of them) for approx. $35 US. Could someone please go to Shoppers Drug Mart and price compare for me? Thanks.

My DVD player is broken. Good news: It's under warranty; bad news: I lost the receipt. The store said if they know it is their's, they'll fix it. If they can't, I'm not buying a new one. It's not worth it for the 3 more months I'm here, especially, since I've completed watching 24. That DVD and I had some good times. Those 24 marathons, watching Remember the Titans. Again. And Again. Especially on Sundays, football day. I'd watch the plays over and over in slo-mo and give my analysis, just like John Madden would.

I tried to take the initiative and call a meeting of the people working on the crop trials of the organic fertilizer so I could find out the status of those trials and the product, and I had the Pastor tell me that I don't have the mandate to call a meeting. Talk about being uncooperative! His exact words a few months earlier were "We're all working together". Getting all non-mandate on me does not sound like working together.

Heroes and Zeroes:

Heroes:

1) My mother - who is keeping me out of Debtor's prison by having my credit card bills paid for out of my account.
2) Sarah - for telling me of a website that has free TV shows on the 'net.
3) Economist - for being a magazine that rocks.

Zeroes:
1) Kenyan Gov't - no child should have to go hungry or beg for change. That's the best part about being a kid - you are not supposed to have any worries (well no real worries). Kenyan gov't, you've failed the people.
2) Jen - for the second time making the Zeroes list. SPOILER WARNING: She failed to warn me that Edgar dies in Season 5 of 24. She knows I don't like those negative surprises, and then even after I chastized her for not warning me, she fails to warn me that Tony dies. Way to drop the ball! On a side note, when Tony came shooting in at the end of that episode in Season 4 when Jack and Audrey were trapped in the garage, man, that was the single greatest moment in television EVER. I'm probably going to pay for putting her on the Zero list twice when I get back, but I'll worry about that then.

Book review of the week: I finished Crow Lake. I had 9 pages left as of Thursday night but it was 11 pm so I put it down. It is very well written, with enough intrigue to keep you reading, and characters that are very real. Mary Lawson is efficient with her use of words. It has a nice little twist at the end, which is nicely foreshadowed earlier on in the novel. It's the kind of book that you keep reading, and don't want to end at times. I highly recommend it. It would definitely make my top 10 of novels I've ever read, if not top 5.

Request of the week: When Jack finally gets back to LA from China, could someone please tell me how? I mean the flight from China to LA has got to be at least 8 hours, and the show is only 24 of them, so that's an awful long time to spend on a plane. That's the only thing I want to know.

I be out.

jacob

Extra Extra

2007-01-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

Hello my pretties!

You know what is really crazy - I'm probably less than 24 hours away travel time to a war zone - in Somalia. If fighting is still going on.

I have less than 100 days here. Probably less than 95 by the time most of you read this. I am quite excited to come home, if not to see you people, but to finally eat a salad. I used to eat one everyday for lunch and now I am saladless. Yes, I get fruit salad with my breakfast and dinner, but it's not the same - those spinach concoctions I used to create. Oh, how I miss thee.

Sadly, nothing as exciting as the Rwanda trip to report. I've settled back into Nakuru and back into my routine, including they gym, so I'm a lot happier now. I really do believe that working out and exercising release endorphins. I have a good relationship with the employees at my gym which makes working out there that much more pleasant. Although, I had a huge disagreement with one of the trainers b/c he didn't think bench press throws are safe but I told him I read it in Men's Health and he said the magazines just try to sell issues. I pointed out that isn't he just trying to sell his services as a trainer - 1 up for me. I have to find him the article b/c he is interested and the manager didn't totally dismiss the notion.

Going to the gym is a great way to take a trip down Nostalgia Lane - it seems like the only music they play in the gym is retro 80s. Some Madonna, Michael Jackson, and songs that are just so bad they can only have come out during the 1980s.

You know what I really miss from back home - showers that work properly. I broke mine this past week which was kind of neat b/c it turned into a steam room. There were three settings on the shower head - hot, cold and warm - except mine was scalding, cold and just slightly less than scalding. Now, the sucker is fixed so I can enjoy a warm shower without worrying about suffering 3rd degree burns.

My project is wrapping up. The primary research I'm doing is just now supporting the conclusions I've already made. My biggest hurdle is the lack of a viable product - the tests haven't been finished, so we don't even know if the organic fertilizer even works or even how good it is. It's a lot harder to sell something that isn't that good, i'd think. I'm initiating a lot of contact with orgs that the project should be working with, so that is good. Business development, which is something i'd like to do for a living.

The good news is that I'm still tipping the scales in the 85 kg range. My boss has said that i have lost weight but i'm hoping that it is fat, and not weight. I don't have the same resources (read: easy access to food) here in Kenya - I'm hesitant to drink most milk unless it has been boiled, but you know what is weird here, they have milk that doesn't need to be refrigerated until you open it. Go figure. One thing that the Gates foundation wants to work on is vaccines that don't need to be refridgerated - that way more people in the rural areas can get the medications they need. I say, look to the milk.

I've resumed one of my favorite hobbies - magazine reading. It's been a great way to keep on what's going on. I've been picking up the Economist and Newsweek (int'l ed) at my local shop. I can't get my alltime favorite magazine here though - the New Yorker. I do like it for the cartoons but the articles are excellent too.

Practical Action, my NGO wants to undertake a project involving the boda bodas. The night before, at my hotel, my colleagues had dinner there and were goading me for not wanting to try the boda bodas. I think the boda boda cyclists could use training in safety - they really ride without abandon. This past week, when returning from an interview with a stockist, I saw a police officer destroying the spoke of a boda boda wheel b/c apparently the officers don't like the boda bodas going down that street. I find the boda bodas to be quite entrepreneurial, and they should be encouraged, not that I'll ever ride one, but you go boda boads.

This past Saturday I ran into my two little friends again - Danieli and Judah, two brothers whom I met the previous Saturday. They said "hello" to me and came running to shake my hands. They are quite adorable - I think they are barely taller than my knee. Yesterday, as we parted ways, they G-d blessed me. I'm not religious expert, but I'm pretty sure that's a good sign if little kids G-d bless you and you don't even sneeze. Of course for every story I have of the friendliness of the people here, there are just as many where someone will strike up a conversation and ask for 10 shillings before we part ways. It's just the nature of the country, with so many people living in poverty here.

I managed to play basketball on Saturday and realized that my shot has not come with me to Kenya. I've been invited to train with the players with whom I played - Tuesday to Thursday. It'll be a good way for me to hopefully get back to the skill level I was at before I left (just above totally sucky).

While, I'm not even half-way through it, I have to give major props to Crow Lake- very well written and quite captivating. You have to be prepared for the fact that the book does really open up on a downer. I think Mary Lawson is Canadian, and if so, we really put out some great authors up here north of the 49th parallel. Heroes and Zeroes:Heroes:1) Canada's Junior Men's Hockey team - they took gold this year (I think and hope, otherwise I look silly). Canada's game is hockey so it's fantastic when they rule the world.

National Post Column Update: There should be one this Wednesday. Please pick it up. That will be #6. For those who missed #5, I will hopefully remember to e-mail it out next week.I hope to have some pictures up soon enough. No promises, but hopefully next week, I'll get some pictures from Safari and Rwanda up.

Have a great week.

Jacob

Mid-winter Blues

2007-01-09T03:29:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

I hope that none of you are having the mid-winter blues given the gorgeous winter weather in Toronto. I'm superpissed you're not being snowed in, b/c hey, reason b to come to Kenya was to avoid the harsh winter weather. I'm going to do this e-mail in two parts: Part I will be my Rwanda trip, etc. with the usual fun stuff i include - book review, my praise of Jack Bauer, etc. and Part II will be about my visit to the Kigali Genocide Memorial. This will let people who don't want to read about the genocide museum to read an entire e-mail.

I spent 4 nights and 5 days in Kigali. More specifically, I spent 4 nights and 5 days in my hotel with the exception of running a few errands. I didn't really do research on what there is to do in Kigali since i only was going to see the museum. The city itself is really nice - lots of greenery - something the t dot should incorporate into its city planning - greenery on road medians, and a very clean city - very little litter I saw as my cab sped along the streets.

The hotel I stayed in was very nice and at $50 us a night, was fairly priced. I arrived on Sat. night, my luggage on Sunday morning. Yes, somehow, checking in at the airline counter 3 hours before takeoff still didn't ensure my luggage got on the plane. So, I had nothing in kigali for that first night except my carryon (which consisted of a plastic shopping bag with holes in it, 3 novels, a massai necklace i bought for myself at the nairobi airport). Did I also mention that this is the 2nd time i've landed someplace sans luggage. funny enough, everytime i tell people that the airline lost my luggage, their first reaction is "did you fly air crapada?" and funny enough, no, air canada has yet to lose my luggage. The airline staff assured me it would be there on the Sunday 10:30 am flight to Kigali, so at 11 I called, and they didn't see it. At that point there were only three places it could be: Nairobi; kigali; in -transit. So I told them that they had 5 minutes to find it. After they gave me the number for the lost and found, and that office said the bag was there (I tried to confirm that they saw a bag with a canadian flag on it, not just that it was blue with green, but i don't think they understood me), I took a cab to the airport for a joyful reunion with my luggage. I had my doubts that the bag was actually there until I saw it.

Exchanging money in africa is always a battle. at the kigali airport, the forex counter didn't want to take a 1999 US $20. The lady told me to take it to the bank. I told her to take it to the bank b/c it was good currency. In Kenya, a torn US $20 was rejected by the forex counter here. Also, there are premiums paid for larger bills (at the kigali airport forex as long as it wasn't a $1 or $5 bill you got the higher rate, when i went to one in town, $20 paid out the lower rate, too). So my tip for those coming to the dark continent - only bring $100s and $50s and only crisp new ones. From now on, i'm going to insist on 2003 and above bills from my bank.

When I needed money on the Tuesday, i had a cab driver drive me to town to a forex counter. I swear he must be getting a kick back from the one he took me too, b/c we passed by at least 9 before he stopped. I'm using the term forex counter very loosely here b/c the one I went to was in an alley, and was just a room with a cage.

So how did I spend my time in Kigali: Well Sunday, I took a cab to the airport to get my luggage, so I could get into some clean clothes. Then I took a cab to the genocide memorial only to find it closed when I got there. Monday, I cabbed to the hotel in Hotel Rwanda for lunch there, and Tuesday I cabbed to the memorial. Those were the only times I left the hotel. I managed to read a book in its entirety and over half of another (the latter one being nearly 500 pages) and two magazine during my "house arrest" in Kigali. I also watched a lot of CNN and BBC, and a few movies, mostly in French. I saw about 1/2 of Star Wars Ep. I and most of Ep. 2 in French, and lightsabre duels are still awesome no matter what language.

At least in Rwanda, I could get by easier than I can in Kenya b/c French is one of the official languages of sorts. It made it easier to say no to the street kids asking for change and to ask a cabbie to drive to me to certain places, but still very difficult to actually engage in conversation. I asked my cab driver, Andre, who drove me to the museum on the Sunday, if he was Tutsi or Hutu, and it turns out he is a Tutsi, and he's a survivor. I only managed to catch the word survivor.

I managed to break out of my rut of meals of beef stew while in Rwanda, and ate a delicious vegetarian pizza for most of my meals at the hotel. Sometimes, I'd have Snickers for lunch. Delish! The pizza was way greasier than I usually like it, but c'est la vie.

Returning home, I lost my hat. Well, I know where it is - I left it on my airplane. THankfully, my luggage made it back with me to Kenya, since I had to point it out tothe baggage handlers as it stood on the tarmac in Kigali and tell them that was mine. That night, I had a joyful reunion with Stevie the TV and DaViD the DVD Player, as we started to watch what I thought was Season 4 of 24, but it turns out it was Season 5. I only got 2 hours in before I went to sleep, and the next day, I found out the error of my ways. Rest assured, I managed to get Season 4 that day, so I haven't gone for wont of terrorist-fighting television.

My book review of the week: The American Boy - sucks. You know the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover", well that literally should not apply to books, b/c that's the only way to judge a book. If you like murder mysteries of sorts (I do not) then you may enjoy the American Boy. It would've been too much of a hassle and too costly to return it to Amazon.co.uk so I had to suck it up and read it.

Black Gold: A book about the coffee industry. Interesting, but too much about the history of coffee, and not enough about the current state of the coffee industry, etc.

Heroes of the week:

1) Chris - my friend who was invited to the same wedding I was, but I had to miss it. He was going to look for a cardboard cutout of me back in TO a la the Canon commercial that's airing in the developing world now, so I could be at the weddings. A for effort, but if he actually found one, I'd be kind of creeped out that someone has a cardboard cutout of me for sale.

2) Mathew - the first person to call me ever from the first world. Thanks. It was nice to have a conversation where the only barrier to communication was the telecom connection and not the language.

3) Dan and Norah - who sent me a beautiful holiday card from Japan. It looks like a little theatre. Also, the hilarious stickers that they sent me of themselves on the back of the card.

4) Kenya immigration - who let me back into Kenya from Rwanda on a tourist visa b/c it is way easier than a work permit - even though I'm paid peanuts, I still am technically working here. It's only good for 3 months, so for about 2 weeks I will be in Kenya illegally before I leave here. Let's keep that between you and I. A secret is something that you tell another person, so I'm telling you, child.

Zeroes of the week:

1) RwandaAirExpress/Kenya Airways - it takes thousands of things to go right to get an airplane off the ground safely. It really takes only one thing to get luggage on a plane. Work on the latter, please.

2) My handwriting - I was trying to write some more of my novel and had trouble making out what I finished writing with. It took me 20 minutes to decipher that I wrote the word "evening" not "wishing". I know those words are no where near related, but I scribble really, really badly. So much that doctors tell me I have bad handwriting.

For those who are signing off here, I'll see you next week. For those who are going to continue reading about the Genocide memorial, I'll see you at the bottom of this e-mail.

Till then,
j.

Kigali is a very picturesque city. Much of it sits on hills, and the streets are clean and green with shrubbery. It's hard to believe that as recently as 13 years go, it was not uncommon to walk down the streets of Kigali and come across dead bodies - bodies belonging to your friends, neighbours, and even family. But, that was the case.

I'm not going to give you a history of what happened, but I will point out, that what took place was not confined to the 100 days from April to July, but was a result of years of problems between the Tutsis and Hutus, compounded by the propaganda machines that were the Hutu governments in power from independence until July 1994.

The Memorial Centre itself is not located on the paved roads of Kigali. Rather, you have to go off the beaten path, past the little shops, the kids barefoot running on the road. It's not big, made up of 3 sections indoors, and 2 outdoors (I missed one of the outdoor sections), and according to the one of the desk staff, should take approximately 90 minutes to go through. I spent nearly 3 hours there - reading every word written, looking at every photo, watching every video. The outdoors has three mass graves - each one about three coffins deep and I don't know how many wide or long. Some coffins will have the remains of 50 people placed in them - a lot of bodies were buried unidentified. People come by and place bouquets and individual flowers on these mass graves. The colour purple is predominantly used as ribbons. I forgot to ask the significance of this fact from the centre staff.

The three sections are as follows:

1) about the Rwanda genocide, giving an entire history of the situation, stretching as far back as control of the Belgians following Germany's defeat in WWI (Germany had control of Rwanda pre-WWI). It was the Belgians who required the labelling of Hutus, Tutsis and Twas. It was even more arbitrary than what was depicted in Hotel Rwanda - if you had 10 cows, you were Tutsi, and less, Hutu. What I don't understand is if a Tutsi had a couple of cows die on him, he'd be in Hutu-labelling territory and vice versa. The Catholic Church, propagated teachings of Tutsi superiority in the 1930s.

The final part of this first section is a series of three rooms. In the 2nd room, there is a display of the bones, and skulls of the victims, and even some personal effects founds by the victims - pens, books, etc. You can make out which victims were beaten hard, the cracks and fractures in the skulls acting as a badge of torture and inhumanity. The 3rd room has clothing of victims exhibited.

It is the first room where I spent the most time out of those three. That first room acts as a memorial to the victims. Survivors were asked to provide photos of their loved ones who died in the genocide. These are not photos that are adorned "in memorium". There are a few. The majority are photos that you would find in a photo album, on a mantle or on the wall - photos of three little brothers dressed in the identical brown tuxedo suits; a couple on the wedding day cutting their wedding cake; family gathered in a living room; friends gathered around the dinner table; parents with their children; grandparents proudly holding their new grandchildren; men posing with a recently won-sporting trophy; and people just joking around. I looked at every face in those photos, making sure that I saw every life that was lost. If these people were alive today, I probably wouldn't recognize them if I saw them on the street. It was the best way I thought I could pay my respects.

2) A section called Wasted Lives which examines other genocides in history: Hereros in 1904/05; Armenian Genocide; Holocaust; Khmer Rouge; and the Balkans.

3) A memorial for the children who died in Rwanda during those 100 days. In addition to the same photo exhibit of the victims that was in the first section, there were at least 8 children who were individually memorialized with their photos blown up and displayed on the wall. Plaques were perched below the photo - telling visitors the child's name, their age, and other details such as their best friend, their likes, how they were characterized, their last words/memory and how they died. A 10 year old tortured to death (how do you torture a 10 year old?; an infant, not even a year old, macheted to death in its mother's arms and another smashed against a wall. The hope and faith that some of these children had even in their darkest moments was still unwavering, one child's last words were "UNAMIR [the UN mission in Rwanda] will come for us.". I feel bad when I pass a child on the street asking for a shilling and I decline his request. How anyone can torture a 10 year old and not have such an image haunt him for the rest of his life is unfathomable to me.

The UN failed Rwanda in a way that no group of people should ever have to experience again. A Hutu informant agreed to tell the UN of the secret cache of weapons in exchange for security. Dallaire informed UN New York about this, but the UN couldn't guarantee the informant's security. That informant disappeared and was never heard from again. The UN was more shocked by Dallaire's suggestion to seize the weapons cache rather than the fact that the Hutus were getting ready to engage in genocide.

That's not to say that there's not stories of heroism during those times. There was one Hutu, so convinced by the propaganda spouted by the Hutus (the president was the largest shareholder in a radio station that was much responsible for spreading the message that the Tutsis were coming to kill Hutus), that this Hutu dug a ditch on his property so he could hide when the Tutsi came for him. When the Hutus began slaughtering Tutsi, that landowner hid a number of Tutsi in the ditch he had dug for his own hiding purposes. But for every act of heroism, uncountable acts of inhumanity took place - including a priest who bulldozed his own church with his own congregation inside. The cruelty of humans never ceases to amaze me. Today, Rwanda is a country of peace and tranquility.

Out of the ashes of genocide, arose a Phoenix of peace. Hutus and Tutsis live side by side peacefully and happily. It offers a lesson for most of the rest of the world that are constantly living in conflict. While a genocide will probably never be repeated in Rwanda, it will occur again in the world. I predict at least 2 more during my lifetime. I hate being wrong, but that's something I would very much be very happy about which I would be wrong.

j.

Mid-winter Blues

2007-01-09T03:29:00.000-08:00

Merry New Year!

2007-01-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody,

I know it has been a while, and I'm sure you've been waiting with baited breath fo the next instalment, and if you haven't, well I don't know what to tell you.

Safari was an interesting experience. First, it confirmed something I already believed - I hate camping. 4 days sans a shower, and no flush toilets (I can't even begin to describe the smell of the facilities at the place where we camped on the Tuesday and Thursday), is not exactly my idea of a good time.

I'm glad I did go on the safari. as much as I can google the animals to learn more about them, it is interestingt to watch them in their natural habitat. It's a w hole different scene seeing 1000s of wildebeats roaming the plains, and disappointing b/c not a single predator made an attempt at a kill.

Therte are tonnes of safari comapnies in the Tanzania area. There were safariiers from all over the places at all of the camps. On the thursday morning we got up at 5:45 am to go out to the plains for 6 am to try to catch some more game. We did se a cheetah but the whole experience was dampered by the annoying Europ0ean touists in the two vans next to us. they were clearly together b/c they kept taking to one another, and quite loudly. I saw them at the campsite that night, and I was realy annoyed with their presence.

Some of the people onthe safaris really went all out. Many of them looked like they went out and bought special outfits, and I swear, I thought I saw someone wearing a pith helmet out during the game.

I was on safari with two othe rcanadians - teachers from Saskatcahewan who were teaching in Cairo. Our guide, Ayubu, was amazing. he could drive on the tracks and spot game at obscene distances. Fo the first day I thought his name was a Ibouya and I had to catch myself from calling thim that for the next couple of days. We also had a cook, Joseph, who was the nicest man ever. He was always smling and always wearing this toque with an "M" on it and sunglasses perched on top of his head. His English was mnimal, alwasy responding with a "Fine" if we said "Hi Joseph" but, man, could he cook. Breakfast was fine, and lunch was nothing really special, but those dinners. Yummy. It was the thing I looked most forward to on the safari. Everyith we started with some sort of soup followed by this delicio0us and healtyh hot meal. That first nght, the 25th, we got a cake that read "marry christmas". I've started to learn that it is just easier to smle and nod rather than try to explain that I don't celebrate x-mas and why I don't.

We managed to see lots of game, and got as clsoe as 10 feet to a lion and 15 feet to a pack of cheetas. I did take pictures, but my digtal camera is more designed to capture kodak moments at closer range than where most of the animals were located.

The safari ended early onfiday and i decided to come home to nakuur instead of staying over in aursha. i bought a bunch of souvenirs in tanzania and I didn't want to drag them with me to rwanda as they were kind of heavy. In hindsight, that was a big mistake. Instead of 4.5 hours to get back to nairobi it took closer to 6. Add a 2.5 hours ride back to nakuru, and another one the next morning back to nairobi to get to the airport, and I spent more than 13 hours out of 24 just travelling in vehicles.

when i got back, i couldn't get into my hotel room b/c the key was locked away in the manage'rs office and she wasn't there. a shave would have to wait to the next morning. another disadvantage of camping is the lack of being able to shave. From now on, my defintion of campnig is a hotel/motel that does not offer room service.

I did something really silly before I left for safari - i almost left without finishing season 3 of 24. i was 4 hours away so I had to power thru it onthe sat. to see just how jack bauer saved amercai this time.

shopping at the local merchants is always a pain in the *ss. I was looking for the massai necklaces that are beaded, and i would just peak my head in and see if they were there. the store keepers are always trying to get you to look into their stores, and ewven after i bought a number of those necklaces (these things are the size of those old LPs, not the size of a regular necklace), and some massaid clubs, they still tr yto get me to buy more, giving me better deals. I bought some smaller necklaces, 5 of them for $43, and then he offered me two others for $10. So why did I pay more than $8 for the first 5. I just spent over $200 US in his shop (some of it goes to other merchants who provide the quantity of product i was buying if the first one doesn't have the number i['m looking for), and he wants me to spend more that i don't have.

The hakwers are very aggressive and don't take no for an naswer. it gets really annoying. At the border it was horrible. I don'[t see why they waste their time on me w2hen i've already tsaid no. One hakwer first wanted $100 for 5 carved anmals, then offered them to me for $5. The aggressiveness of the hawkers is one of the reasons i'm really tired o f living in kenya. They reach their arms into the shuttle offering me a plethora of necklaces for a "good deal". I don't care how good a deal I get, what am i gong to do with a bunch of necklaces bearing a cross?

One Massai hawker was offering me one of those big necklaces, saying it is a gift for my mama. I then pulled out one of the ones i already bought and said "I already have a gift for my mama." When they offered me necklaces, I showed them the ones I bought.

The most annoying hakwer was the one I encountered a tthe shuttle office. I kept teling him "no thank you" in swahili. I leanred how to say "no", "what's up" and "cool" (appana, mambo and poa) in swahili on the safari. I think at one piont he wanted me to give him 20 shillings for his fare. I didn't realize that he came at my beckon. A nice security guard intervened and told him to go away, finally. This was after 9 hours of travels already, so I was not exactly in mood to be annoyed by a hawker.

i did not end up going to the lake naivasha parks befoe the safari. i decided to stick around nakuu and pehraps go in 2007, since i can make a day trip out of it. I'm kind of animaled out though, and the only real appeal is tha tthe hell's gate park is a walking park, so yo ucan walk through it rather than drive through it.

if you're wondering why the first half of this e-mail contians a lot more typos than uusal, it is b/c the keyboard i'm using at the airpot is really stiff. i made the mistake of coming here realy, really early for a 5pm flight (at 2 pm), and the airport iun nairobir is really lacking in options for entertainment.

Now that I'm at a fully functioning keyboard, the rest should be smooth sailing.

The first day of safari was spent at Lake Manyara, which was our best game viewing until Thursday. We didn't get as close to the animals as we did on Thursday but we saw a lot.

While we were waiting for Ayubu to pay our park fees, there was a little kid hanging around, so I waved hello at him. He approached me, so I reached my hand out to shake his hand, under the watchful eye of his family/friends. Immediately after, this little girl in their group ran over to shake my hand. The two little ones couldn't have been older than 2 or 3 years old (well maybe 4 or 5, they were really short, and I'm a horrible guestimator of age).

Our camp that night was awesome for camping. We had hot showers (which I didn't use b/c the first shower I found only was cold and by the time I found out that 3 feet further were the hot ones, I was already dried and dressed), and there was a swimming pool, albeit, you'd have to swim with frogs and insects, dead and alive, if you chose to take a dip. That night after dinner, the three of us (Mark and Amy, the two other Canucks) and I headed to the bar across the street where we had a holiday drink (amarula). A Muslim named Muhamed, dressed in a sweatshirt that read Niike on the back of his neck (that's not a typo - I meant to write Niike) befriended us, and took our picture with his friends. I have one of Mark, Amy, Muhamed and the other two patrons. He gave me his address to send him a copy. He kept telling me that he does walking tours (or something like that b/c I couldn't really understand him). He asked us if he could provide us with company back to our campsite which we declined saying there was a no guest policy.

On Tuesday, we packed up and headed to Ngororngoro Park. The game is located in the crater, which is 1700 metres above sea level. Camp was 2300 m above, so we had to descend 600 metres. The descent wasn't so bad, the ascent made me so scared. First off, I thought Ayubu was taking the corners way too quickly for my liking. Add the fact that b/c the paths up and down are only one lane, I thought we were too close to the edge. I kept looking over towards the left side, thinking to myself "there's a good 3 or 4 inches closer to the wall that we're not using". At one point, I was ready to get out of the truck and walk, knowing that I could walk as close to the cliff wall as I liked.

Wednesday we headed to the serengetti, where we spent the night after viewing game. On Thursday, we got up real early to go see more game, before returning to camp for breakfast and then heading to the north part of the Serengetti. That's where we saw the really good game I described above.

I saw the president of Tanzania. Apparently, he was on safari also. I didn't get a picture with him b/c most of you wouldn't have any clue who he was. Plus, I don't know him from Adam. We saw him at the parking lot of the serengetti park entrance.Some girl, 11 or 12 years old or so (I'm totally guessing her age based on the fact that she looked taller than my 11 year old cousin Ori, but if Ori is really short, then I'm way off) asked her dad if he was the President of Africa. Clearly, her education is in dire need of an upgrade. I think by the time someone is in double digits of age, they should know that there are 7 continents, made up of various countries each with their own leader. Her dad analogized using the US and North America. I would doubt that she knew that North America constitutes more than the US, though.

On the way to camp, we stopped at this Gorge which is reallyf amous for some anthropological findings. It cost us 3000 shillings and really, there was no mechanism to enforce payment, I think. It was interesting to see, and a nice view, but I thought we were going into the gorge itself. The ride to the gorge was less than pleasant. The road was quite bumpy and Ayubu seemed keen on taking the road at 60 kms/hour, and while we thought he'd slow down over the ditches, not so much.

Thursday night was back at Ngorongoro camp, which was a long night for me. I thought I lost my flashlight that morning. Turns out, I put it in one of the pockets of my backpack, and when I checked the pockets upon our return to camp, i only checked the one where I thought I put it, when I put it in the other. My need to use the facilities had to wait for daylight. That was a long night.Friday, we left the campsite to head back to Arusha, where on the way I bought souvenirs as I mentioned above, and then had my long ride back to Nakuru.

Then my interesting adventures to Rwanda began, a trip I'm starting to realize that may not have been such a great idea. I'll share the details with you next week.

For those who did not see Column 4 when it appeared earlier in December, I've attached it for your reading pleasure.

Book review of the week: Red Dragon - ok as a book; much better as a movie (I very rarely say that). The movie was simpler and focused, while the book added detials and characters that I think just were not necessary.
The Google Story: excellent. I'm not finished it (less than 20 pages to go). I'd have finished it, but the lack of adequate light while camping put a damper in my reading habits while on safari, and I can't read on bumpy roads. Smooth roads are fine, bumpy, not so much.

Hero of the Week:

1) Jack Bauer - saves America from the release of a biological weapon.

2) My friend Brendon - for those of you who own TD shares or any Canadian mutual funds (which probably own TD shares) he just saved the bank $1 million, and reaped a nice little chunk of change. Ladies, he's single...

Zeroes of the week:1) My friend Jen: for not telling me how Jack Bauer saved USA in Season 3 or David Palmer's election outcome. When I watch 24, about 8 or 9 hours through I start to pick up the clues, then a monkeywrench is thrown into the story, and I am on the edge of my seat as to what will happen next. By the 12th or 13th hour, I want to know how Jack does it b/c one hour earlier I thought he had it solved, only to see said monkeywrench pop up again. As a fellow 24 addict, she should sympathize and give me the info I ask. Even though by the time I got her reply e-mail to my request for info, I had already finished Season 3, but it's the principle of the matter.

New Year's Goal of 2007: To eat marshmallow pies with rocking horse people (which song is that from?)

In 3.5 hours it is 2007 for me, so I wish you all a Happy New year to you and yours and mine.Reporting to you live from Kigali, Rwanda,Jacob

9th Inning Heroics

2006-12-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings,first off, season's greetings to you and yours, whatever it is you may or may not celebrate this time of year. I'm always reminded of when my brothers and i were much younger, and we'd wake up really early on December 25th, run downstairs in our pajamed feet, only to find nothing waiting for us, because we're jewish and don't celebrate christmas. Yesterday, I went on a field trip with the garbage collectors. There are three kinds in Nakuru - the city, the community-based organizations that collect garbage and the private for-profit ones. I went with a CBO on their morning route to get a better understanding of garbage collection in Nakuru, since i have to look at what's going on to see how we can get a better quality compost. Well, I think it is incredibly inefficient here. The city garbage collectors go into the place of business with their own pan and empty the business' dustbin (provided by the city) into the tub, and the takes it out to the truck. There's no garbage left at the curbside. it reminds me of the simpsons where homer became garbage boss in springfield. remember the horrible results that became of that? The city's hope is to collect from each place 3 times a week, but at best gets there 2 or 1 times. In toronto, garbage collection is once every other week. As for the friday garbage field trip, the truck collects in 5 districts, each one serviced once a week. The garbage is left just outside the houses, and some of the people are there to help toss it in the truck b/c they want to go through it first to get out the plastic bottles (and sometimes food) bc they can sell the bottles as a means of income. After a couple of hours and the truck fills up and it gets taken to the dump, where the scavangers await the arrival to go through the garbage for food. I took some photos of some of the children who were there waiting. I'm sure in 2007 I'll go on a few more garbage collection trips. I'm not doing this for pleasure, believe me. I'm doing it to talk to the people involved to get their impressions on the feasibility of source separated programs for the waste. It is going to be a tough sell in Nakuru unless the town provides the people with the tools to do it. Remember, they don't have the same logistical situation we have in Toronto - where most people have a garage to store their garbage until collection, nor do we in Toronto have animals roaming the streets ( i.e. goats) to rip open the garbage bags that are usually left out overnight. Plus, we've had the big advantage of recycling so we have practice separating our garbage already.I found out something interesting - those bicycles - they are called boda bodas b/c years ago, cars were not allowed between the borders of tanzania and kenya, so people would be transported across the borders by bicycle. Eventually, it got shortened and slanged to boda boda. Some of them are really pimped up here, for lack of a better phrase, and I mean more than just streamers and baseball cards in the spokes. I've seen some of these bikes that have lights on their back spokes, radios, etc. MTV Kenya has a show called "Pimp my boda boda" and on one episosde they installed hydraulics on one boda boda so it goes up and down every time Dr. Dre's "Still D.R.E." plays. I understand that at the annual Boda Boda show, the 2008 models will have a tv screen that rests on the back of the cyclist, so the passenger can be exposed to commercials. Talk about taking advantage of a captive audience. A few weeks ago, the MPs gave the president of Kenya a raise that was larger than what bush or blair earn. He's since turned it down - the 180% raise. Rightfully so. I don't think anyone should be getting that kind of raise when most of the country lives in abject poverty. Bush himself is not worth the money either. Let's assume that the US was run like a corporation. He is the world's worst CEO. He's had his international partners turn on him (the CIA trained Uncle Ossy), and domestically, the entire situation is a mess. The majority of residents don't even have basic health care. Most of the shareholders (the citizens) clearly have lost faith in his efforts, and hopefully in 2008, the Dems can get their act together (they have their own issues that they need to work out quickly, including getting a viable candidate for the presidency) and win back the white house. I took another kid out for lunch last week. I took money out of the ATM just before so I was feeling generous. I thought he was a street kid since he didn't have any shoes on, but he has a house. The communication gap could not be bridged enough. All I found out was that he has 5 bros, one sister, is looking forward to x-mas and likes football (that's soccer for the rest of you). He was 9 or 10 years old. The little guy put away quite a bit. Fish and chips, 1.5 cokes, and an ice cream. He ate more than I usually do for lunch. I'm pretty sure that he didn't even have any breakfast.
24 is the best show ever. Last Saturday, I got Season 1, and while there should've been 24 episodes on the disc, due to a burning error there were only 11. Which was a blessing in disguise b/c it was already 3 am when I finished the 11th episode. I took the disc back and the vendor was going to get me a replacement, but 2 days later I found another vendor who had the full disc. I'm about 5 hours away from finishing Season 2. Like I said, it is addictive. Every ending of every show is a cliffhanger. This has inpsired me to write my own tv drama, also called 24. Except, instead of a counter terrorist agent, it will be about a corporate lawyer who has 24 hours to close the deal. Some of the methods he/she uses (haven't decided on the sex of the main character yet) are less than conventional, very similar to what Jack Bauer may use on 24, such as breaking fingers to get a rep and warranty in a contract. It's going to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. If anyone knows how Jack Bauer comes back to life in the 2nd season, feel free to e-mail me before 11 am EST on Saturday b/c I'll be in the net cafe until at least then. I don't care if you spoil it for me. I want you to. Not knowing is KILLING me. As much of a good idea organic fertilizer is, it's hard to sell a product when I don't even know if it won't kill the crops. They haven't finished the trials yet to determine yield and productivity, so everytime I talk to farmers to gauge their interest in using such a product, I am at a loss of information what to tell them. I think that the NGO decided to support this project not necessarily b/c it was such a good idea, but rather b/c there are a lot of farmers, and there's a lot of materials that can be used for compost. The first step before even investing in any equipment should've been to talk to the farmers, as I'm trying to do to gauge their interest in such a product and figure out what they are looking for in such a product ( i.e. cost effective compared to what they currently use). Education of the farmers is going to be key because the ones that use chemical fertilizers, a lot of them use it just b/c they know they have to use something and they've been using chemicals for so long. Monday I'm off to Nairobi again to do some interviews with a few organizations. I hate taking the matatus b/c unless I ride shotgun, it is incredibly painful. These were not designed for those of us taller than 5'8" as I once again found out when I went with some colleagues to another town to observe how they do their composting. We went to a company called Dudu Tech. Please don't ask me what they do, but the name did make me laugh. I think it is a subsidiary of PeePee Enterprises. The ride home was extra painful b/c I had to sit in the back. It's very interesting to talk with the locals about life here in Canada and Kenya. One topic that usually comes up is AIDS, probably b/c I keep bringing it up. There's quite a stigma here for people to even admit that they do have AIDS so most still do not. By the same token, there's also not as much condom use as there should be b/c most people do not want to use one here b/c they don't like the feeling of using one. Go figure, they'd rather run the risk of catching a deadly disease from something that is supposed to feel really, really good. Apparently, AIDS research isn't done for those of us in the developed world. There[s so few new AIDS cases in Canada; the bulk of it is in places like Kenya. Even needles in hospitals are just thrown out in the trash like everything else. To be honest, if I was to focus on one problem in Nakuru, it would be to teach the drivers to signal when they are turning. During the day, I don't care that much, but at night, when I'm walking home from the gym, and I'm dressed completely in black, it's a recipe for disaster. When you're not at home, your entire lifestyle changes. When you're in a developing country, your entire lifestyle gets flipped upside down. I got my haircut last week, and there's a lot more involved in that than just going to a barber shop. The first one I went to, I asked the barber if it is hygenic. He told me that he'd put a towel on me. Clearly, he and I have different standards of hygiene. He wanted 300 shillings (apparently that's the mzungu price b/c most other people I know don't pay more than 100 shillings, and some even as low as 30). I told him I'd return in 20 minutes (and by 20 minutes, I meant never). I decided to go to the hotel where I work out, which is a hoity toity one, and didn't care about how much it cost, at least i know they use barbicide there. It cost me 300 shillings, and the barber washed my hair and put on balm - he shaved it to 1/8 of an inch b/c I wanted a short cut. Now I look like an extra from Prison Break. Even shaving, I only do it once a week or so. B/c I have a knack for knicking myself, I tend to purify the water first using the filtration system I brought with me. First thing I'm going to do when I get back to the developed world (London UK on April 20) is drink water straight from the tap and shave using tap water. This is my last mass e-mail of 2006. I'm going to Lake Navisha on the 21st when our office closes, then on the 24th I'm off to Arusha to go on Serengetti from the 25th to the 29th. Right now, I'm deciding whether to fly or drive to Kigali, Rwanda. Flight is about 400 US both ways, from Nairobi, but the bus takes 24 hours each way. Flying is looking like the better option. I'll be back on the 3rd or 4th and promise to e-mail you all then so you know I'm ok. That is if you care. If you don't care, then, just please, put up with the e-mail. I'm going to try and catch a tiger while on Safari and bring it back with me and train it to do my bidding. That's the plan right now, but that may change once I see a tiger and realize that I don't think I could take it down. Heroes of the week:1) Jack Bauer: dude saved Presidential candidate David Palmer not once but twice (ok so the 2nd time Jack gave Palmer the exploding phone, but still). Plus, he just saved LA from a nuke attack. 2) My cousin Aaron - who searched Google earth for a McDonald's in Kenya for me. There is not one. He even offered to ship me some if I'm missing it that much. It takes 2 to 3 weeks for something to get from Toronto to Nakuru, via airmail. Unlike fine wines, I seriously doubt that McDonald's gets better with age. 3) Victor, Naomi and Mark - who informed me of job opps. Don't do me any good from here, BUT it's nice to know that i have people thinking of me.4) The Men in Green5) Jack Bauer. The dude saved LA from a terrorist attack. How awesome is that?! (Sorry, like I said it's really addictive). 6) Everyone who has taken the time to write to me - either in reply or to actually write. I do really appreciate it. The conversation here in kenya has been lacking to say the least.Zeroes:1) Amazon.co.uk - soooo annoying. they put my accounts on hold, they erased one of my accounts, so i opened another... i'd like to say i'd never have to deal with them again but if I'm going to order books while I'm here, there is no amazon.co.ke.A-hole of the week:1) My friend Waheed. Book review of the week:The World is Flat - I'm only some 200 pages into it so far, but very well written and very informative. This is book 7 out of 13. Next up: Life of Pi, followed by Kafka's the Trial. Awesome thing about Kenya I found out:A bunch of roses only costs just about one US dollar. Try buying roses in Canada for $1 US.Question I want an answer to, but hope to never find out the hard way: a) do iPods floats?b) If they do not float, do they float if they are wrapped in the iSkin (the rubber protective casing)? If anybody has the answer to these questions, please let me know. For anyone who is planning on giving me a holiday gift (always appreciated), I know that I won't be back in Toronto until April 30th at the earliest, so you technically have until then, but I do expect them to be wrapped in the festive wrapping that is commonplace now. While I'm here, I'm missing my favorite holidays: Hallowe'en (see Mean Girls); Christmas; Boxing Day; Festivus; New Year's Eve; New Year's Day; Flag Day; MLK Day; Valentine's Day; Tu B'isvhat; Remembrance Day; Charlie Days; so I have to celebrate them all when I get back. I've got to get back to writing some more anonymous love letters. Of course, unless those of who you receive one don't know anyone else in Kenya, then when you get the letter, I'm sure the postmark and Kenyan stamps will give away my anonyminity (sp?). Till 2007,Stay Classy.Jacob

In the 8th week of my internship, my true love gave to me

2006-12-11T06:12:00.000-08:00

Jambo little ones,

It's been another interesting few weeks in Kenya with many things to share.

First and foremost, regardless of how many homeless there are on the streets of Toronto, seeing it in a developing world is a whole different ball game. I rarely see street kids in Toronto, but here, they are a plenty. There are two kinds: the ones that sniff glue and the ones that don't.

Last Sunday, I was on my usual errands for more movies (well just one - How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days), and a couple of street kids approached me. As much as there is a communication gap between us, they understood that I was going to treat them to lunch. I gave them a choice between a restaurant and the grocery store. I looked back, and there was a third. A moment later there was a 4th. I felt like the Pied Piper of Hamlin. I took them to a restaurant, where they just wanted chips, so i asked them if they wanted chicken too, and they also wanted soda (no real mystery to the poor teeth in Kenya - they drink so much Coke here). For less than $10 US I was able to feed 4 little kids. They looked so happy sitting there in the restaurant. I wouldn't know them if I ran over them with a truck, but I can hope that one day they will pay it forward.

Unglued

There's a real glue problem in Kenya - I'm not talking about kids gluing construction paper to themselves. The other group of street kids are the ones that sniff glue from plastic bottles.
Apparently, it is illegal to sell glue to anyone in Kenya who is not a cobbler (peach or otherwise). But this is about enforced as jaywalking is. I was told from a pretty reliable source that even I could walk in and say I was a cobbler and get the glue. Which is what those over 18 do, and then divvy it up and sell it - the same way most dealers sell drugs in North America. It's really sad - most of these kids have been high their entire lives, and it kills their brain cells.

Apparently, I've been told from someone who has worked with addicts that the relapse rate of those who go clean is 98%. A 2% success rate. Well, it's nice to know that there's something worse out there than the divorce rate. It's so bad, that in the Safe Injection Site that was in Vancouver, the gov't was buying the addicts heroin b/c methadone treatment is so much more costly than the cost of heroin, and the gov't figured by providing the addicts with the product, they'd be less likely to steal etc. I actually agree with that logic, and as an MP will work towards re-opening safe injection sites to keep the users safe and reduce the risk of AIDS transmission and death.

Unable to find How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days by itself, I am now the not-so-proud owner of the Matthew McConaughy collection, which includes The Wedding Planner, aka the J-Lo True Story, and a bunch of other stuff I have no interest in seeing. It was a state of emergency - I wanted a comedy to watch, and it was the best one available in Nakuru. If I wanted Tears of the Sun (Bruce Willis' WORST movie ever), it is available a plenty, but I do not want to sit through that garbage again. Ever.

Not only do I have to contend with the language barrier in Kenya - when I hold my focus groups and sometimes interview farmers I need a translator and certain things can get lost in translation - but even those who speak English speak a dialect of English that I call mumbleriffic. They say one thing and their voice trails off as they move their head so I have no clue what they are saying. I know I'm not perfect, and have a tendency to speak quickly, but I'm not used the enounciation and pronounciation here so I have to ask them to repeat themselves - sometimes 2 or 3 times.

Thank you for those who sent me info on handholding in Africa/Middle East. I know why, and I knew why when I wrote it. I'm just not used to it. We don't hold hands with even friends of the opposite sex in North America. I think it's one of those cultural things that I can try and bring back to Canada but will be met with much resistance to say the least. I really think that we really should just use the sports' way of congratulation - with a nice slap on the butt. Imagine, winning a big case, and your client pours the gatorade cooler over your head.

I'm a bit behind in my work from the point of setting up meetings with people. I want to take a ride on the garbage trucks to see if they have the capacity to collect organic garbage separately, but I worry about the language barrier between myself and the employees, since in Kenya, I'd be willing to bet that they may not be as fluent in English as I am. I'm at a real disadavantage compared to someone who speaks the language. I'm also at the mercy of others to take me to the farmers. If you saw the roads I had to travel to get to one farming group, you'd have to wonder how any gets about. The roads are eroded dirt paths, and I am thoroughly impressed with the driver's navigation skills because there are no street signs (or rather dirt road signs) anywhere.

One of the things that I should've been more aware of was the gender gap here. When I had my first focus group with some 18 farmers who represented 500 farms in total, the women sat on one side of the room and the men on the other. The women said nothing the entire time. Not even a word. Travelling to another farm site one day, there was a group of people and 2 donkeys moving wood. The donkeys were laden with wood, and the two men were not carrying anything but the machetes and a whip of sorts to, well, whip the donkeys to move. The women were loaded down with almost as much wood as the animals. When I took a photo Machete Man wanted money. I told him I had none. That could've been the last photo I ever took.

I was in Nairobi last week for business and almost fell prey to a confidence man. Thankfully, my lonely planet guide has warned me of such schemes so I was prepared. One of the more popular ones is someone comes up to a tourist and tells them that they work at the hotel where said tourist is staying and they're on an errand to get food for the hotel but are short of cash, so if the tourist could just spot him, he'll pay touristy back at the hotel. Well, walking along Nairobi's streets, one guy came up to me and commented that I was still walking. He said he was the doorman at my hotel. I just nodded and left. I was staying at the YMCA (the village people were wrong, it's not fun to stay at the YMCA in Nairobi. There's nothing to do.), and there is no doorman at the YMCA.

While in Nairobi, I saw a play where two women had their heads placed on their others bodies b/c their heads were chopped off as a result of a copter crashing piloted by one of the women's husbands. One of the women was a model and rather svelte and the other a journalist, and not svelte. The husband came to visit and wanted a conjugal visit. His wife's head thought it was with her head and the other's body, but it turns out the hubby wanted his wife's body, even stating that that is why he married her. It was quite funny.

The cab ride back to the YMCA was supposed to be 200 shillings according to the guy who put me in the cab, but getting there the driver said 300. i couldn't really argue with him, but it seems like there's a mentality to gouge mzungus as much as possible.

On the job front, I'm applying for a job with an NGO based in New York, in their Chicago office. It is at www.nfte.com. The job in Chicago is for program director, and since the e-mail address for the job is the same as the one for a position in Washington, I'm applying to DC too. Chicago is one of my favorite and scariest US cities I've been to. I don't think I'd be venturing to US Cellular field for a night game by myself. It's not exactly in a "good" part of town. I am considering trying to start a Toronto chapter of NFTE (it teaches high school kids about entrepreneurship) so if anyone is interested in helping me, please let me know.

Book review of the week:Wicked: SUCKED. Big time. Part of me wants to see the musical to see how much it differs from the novel.

Mercy among the Children: Well written, and I do feel sorry for the narrator's father, so much that at some point, you have to wonder how crappy can one person's life be. I do recommend it, though, but it's not a happy happy joy joy type book.

Movie Review of the week:
Saw II: sucked. Not as good as the first one b/c there was little or no character development. Also, the version I saw was a real bootleg - one of those that was recorded in the theatres so the sound and light quality were horrid. My fave part was when someone got up and walked in front of the camera. I will try and see Saw III sometime but it's not on my must see list.

Remember the Titans (the 5th time I've watched it since I've bought it): still awesome. I mean to take years of hatred and racism and remove them through football was ingenious on Herman Boone's part. A really touching story. I will always remember the first time I saw Remember the Titans.

Annoying thing about Kenya this week: When I went to exchange money at the foreign exchange counter, they pay 1 shilling more for US 50s and 100s than they do for 20s and 10s. So if you come here, you may be best to bring 50s and not 20s. Funny, b/c in Canada and the US you'd be crazy to carry 50s anywhere b/c you'd run the risk they wouldn't be accepted.

With the loads of free time I have, I have come up with a reality-tv show idea. I'm going to take some members of the Bloods, Crips, KKK, Heritage Front, the Chosen people (Jews, don't look at me like that. There's a novel called "The Chosen" so if it is in print it MUST be true), and probably some members of some sort of Chinese or Latin gang and stick them all on a desert island. They'll need to co-operate with one another to get off in one piece. It's going to be great.

This will be followed in the 2nd season by my reality tv show called Negotiations, where my team of lawyers, and my insurance company negotiate settlements with the families of those who died on said island. My defence is that it was NOT foreseeable that the Bloods and Crips would get together to kill the KKK members. I mean, really, everyone knows how much the Bloods and Crips hate one another. This one will probably be a lot less interesting than the first one.

Thing I miss this week: (tie) Iced Tea - there's hot tea but not so much any Nestea; and R. Kelly's Ignition (the original and the remix to Ignition). I don't have the luxury of iTunes here and even if I did, I don't have my wire to connect it from the computer to the iPod so basically I can only just keep singing the song over and over in my head until May. It's the remix to Ignition, hot and fresh off the kitchen...

On a final note, I have to write an essay describing three (3) things of which I'm most proud of. So if any of you have any insight into any of that, please send it my way. I don't think they are looking for the time that I watched 10 consecutive hours of Law and Order.

On behalf of those of us at the Nakuru desk,

Jacob

The 7 week itch, at least I hope that's what is itching!

2006-12-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

Habari Yako,

Just to remind those new to this list, please visit: kenyajacob.blogspot.com to see the first e-mail listings.

I'm closing in on 7 weeks here in Kenya. I have yet to travel around (I know, I know but I wanted to be settled in first, and I'm hoping to go sometime in the next few weeks to Lake Navisha). It's much harder to travel when you're a single traveler - you can't really go by yourself for safety reasons. I have to have somebody to throw at the muggers when they come! I am going to do my best to spend every other weekend travelling to someplace not too far away, coming 2007.

Nakuru is the most boring town. Ever. At first, I thought that the boredom would kill me, and when I found the boxing gym, I found a way to eat up a significant amount of free time in the evenings. Then, after a few days, I thought that the boxing training was going to kill me - my heart has never raced so fast. Now that my body has adjusted, I realize that it is going to be a combination of boredom and mosquitos that will kill me - maybe the formation of a boresquito. I'm approaching the end of my smallville collection - season six is on the air currently in North America, so no one here can get it for me, so I think I'm moving on to 24, and I've returned to Sex and the City, which as I watch it for a 2nd time, I think the first season may have been the best one before it turned all soap-opreay with the on/off againness of Mr. Big. I should've been a TV critic. I really envision having read all of my books by the end of February 2007, being half-way through Wicked, which is I think the longest book I have left. I do have Kafka's the Trial which isn't long, but when I first read the first 80 pages a few years ago, it was one of the hardest books I'd ever read, so perhaps that will eat up valuable time.

I figured out a way to solve my problem. No, not that one. No. Would you just listen? The problem of being approached by every hawker on the street. I've befriended one of the hawkers who trains with me at the boxing club - I'm going to buy a number of those cards from him, and everytime someone asks me to "promote" them, I'll just turn around and ask them to "promote" me and buy my cards.

A few weeks ago, I took my first trip ever in a matatu, the public transport system in Kenya in towns. Anyone who complains about taking the TTC, then take a matatu and your view of the TTC will completely change for the better. Think of a minivan with seating for 14, plus a driver and a fare collector. The best part of the whole trip is when the driver starts to move the vehicle before the fare collector is even seated, or the door is even closed. Nothing is better than having that seat right beside the open door worrying if there's a sharp turn, you're going out that door.

The second matatu trip I took was in Nairobi last week when I had to get back from seeing a guy who used to sell organic compost as a means of generating income. This was a much larger one, and was the most pimped out vehicle I've seen this side of R. Kelly's Lincoln Navigator. There was a stereo, and there's nothing better than sitting directly under the overvolumized speaker to make a transit that much more enjoyable. On the windows was a decal of a gentleman with a mean scowl and an afro that would make Ben Wallace jealous.

Most Kenya vehicles are not built for the vertically gifted. When out visiting the farms, I'm transported in a 2-door Isuzu (i think), and even in Practical Action's own 4-door truck, getting out requires me to shift and contort my body in ways I didn't think were possible. The matatus have no leg room at all, and I've had to break out of the Toronto habit of getting into the back seat of the cabs just so I can get that extra leg room of riding shotgun.
\n \n(Speaking of taxis, why is it everytime we get into one, we never put on our seatbelt? We just met the driver and yet we\'re that trusting of his driving skills?)\n \nWhile the Kenyan drivers drive like maniacs, the walkers walk as fast as glass sometimes. In Nairobi, the public buses don\'t seem to stop for anything - not red lights, not even for passengers. If you can\'t get yourself on the bus while it is still moving, then you\'re going to have to wait for the next one. Imagine how much more efficient the TTC would be if they adopted this mentality. We\'d really see the old ladies with the walkers huffing it to catch that bus. \n\n \nOne lady I\'ve met here is from the US and she\'s got a friend who is coming from Pittsburgh. This woman from the Steel city, Nicey is her name, is setting up an NGO to help kids in Africa get the proper mentoring they need to go into business. A big problem in most of the developing world is when kids come to the cities looking for work and can\'t get any. Most of them don\'t have the education that we have (actually, I think everyone receiving this e-mail has at least some level of post-secondary education, and the majority have post-post-secondary. One of the "perks of going to law school is that you do know a lot of lawyers). Anyway, I\'m going to meet her in January when she\'s here - see if I can pick up a few tricks of the trade on how I can do something inspiring like what she\'s doing. \n\nOne of the organizations that is involved with Nicey\'s NGO is one called Dressed for Success - which takes donated business clothing for women and gets them to where they can be best used - lower income women who are going on interviews, getting office jobs etc. (And by business clothing for women, I DON\'T mean a certain type of night business. Get your minds out of the gutter). So, I looked up this organization and saw they had a Toronto chapter, so I came up with a bright idea to start one up for men. Except, I found out that already one exists. So, now I\'m back to the drawing board of starting up a new charity. Any thoughts? My fallback is the Human Fund, to which I\'m making a donation this Holiday Season in your names. \n",1]
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(Speaking of taxis, why is it everytime we get into one, we never put on our seatbelt? We just met the driver and yet we're that trusting of his driving skills?)

While the Kenyan drivers drive like maniacs, the walkers walk as fast as glass sometimes. In Nairobi, the public buses don't seem to stop for anything - not red lights, not even for passengers. If you can't get yourself on the bus while it is still moving, then you're going to have to wait for the next one. Imagine how much more efficient the TTC would be if they adopted this mentality. We'd really see the old ladies with the walkers huffing it to catch that bus.

One lady I've met here is from the US and she's got a friend who is coming from Pittsburgh. This woman from the Steel city, Nicey is her name, is setting up an NGO to help kids in Africa get the proper mentoring they need to go into business. A big problem in most of the developing world is when kids come to the cities looking for work and can't get any. Most of them don't have the education that we have (actually, I think everyone receiving this e-mail has at least some level of post-secondary education, and the majority have post-post-secondary. One of the "perks of going to law school is that you do know a lot of lawyers). Anyway, I'm going to meet her in January when she's here - see if I can pick up a few tricks of the trade on how I can do something inspiring like what she's doing.
One of the organizations that is involved with Nicey's NGO is one called Dressed for Success - which takes donated business clothing for women and gets them to where they can be best used - lower income women who are going on interviews, getting office jobs etc. (And by business clothing for women, I DON'T mean a certain type of night business. Get your minds out of the gutter). So, I looked up this organization and saw they had a Toronto chapter, so I came up with a bright idea to start one up for men. Except, I found out that already one exists. So, now I'm back to the drawing board of starting up a new charity. Any thoughts? My fallback is the Human Fund, to which I'm making a donation this Holiday Season in your names.
\n \nOne question a lot of people asked me before I left is the language they speak in Kenya. It is Swahili and English. BUT, the English I speak is different from the English they speak, and not just b/c I speak rather quickly. We use entirely different phrases here compared to, um, here in Kenya. What we call French Fries, they call chips. What we call chips, they call potato crisps. Asking for a tub leads to questions over my sink (is there something wrong with my tap?). Then there\'s the lingo I use is different from theirs, which poses problems when I\'m conducting interviews. Oh, and once again the teeth issue - out of 4 pages of notes, I\'ll probably have at least \n1.5 pages commenting on the teeth here. Telephone interviews are not a possibility b/c when I call most places, the person with whom I need to speak is usually not there (manager of the stores, etc.) to explain that I\'m not interested in buying fertilizer, nor am I necessarily selling it. Given, that most people I seem to interview either mumble, or their enunciation and pronounciation of words greatly differs than mine, I sometimes wonder if we are actually speaking the same language. \n\n \nI\'ve attached column 3 for those who do not get the Post. The opening paragraph was supposed to be my chastizing Kermit the Frog for complaining when he gets to hang out with Fozzie, Gonzo and Beaker (also the names I gave to the 3 iPods I\'ve had), so if the last sentence, where I remiss not rolling with Fozzie doesn\'t make sense, now you know why. \n\n \nI\'m absolutely convinced after spending one day walking around Nairobi, that NGOs efforts would be better directed to improving the driving habits of Kenyans and getting them used to using stop signs. When I cross the street (there are very few stoplights so there\'s mass jaywalking), I always make sure to walk alongside a Kenyan, in the hopes that the drivers are less likely to hit one of their own than a mzungu. \n\n \nHeroes and Zeroes:",1]
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One question a lot of people asked me before I left is the language they speak in Kenya. It is Swahili and English. BUT, the English I speak is different from the English they speak, and not just b/c I speak rather quickly. We use entirely different phrases here compared to, um, here in Kenya. What we call French Fries, they call chips. What we call chips, they call potato crisps. Asking for a tub leads to questions over my sink (is there something wrong with my tap?). Then there's the lingo I use is different from theirs, which poses problems when I'm conducting interviews. Oh, and once again the teeth issue - out of 4 pages of notes, I'll probably have at least 1.5 pages commenting on the teeth here. Telephone interviews are not a possibility b/c when I call most places, the person with whom I need to speak is usually not there (manager of the stores, etc.) to explain that I'm not interested in buying fertilizer, nor am I necessarily selling it. Given, that most people I seem to interview either mumble, or their enunciation and pronounciation of words greatly differs than mine, I sometimes wonder if we are actually speaking the same language.

I've attached column 3 for those who do not get the Post. The opening paragraph was supposed to be my chastizing Kermit the Frog for complaining when he gets to hang out with Fozzie, Gonzo and Beaker (also the names I gave to the 3 iPods I've had), so if the last sentence, where I remiss not rolling with Fozzie doesn't make sense, now you know why.

I'm absolutely convinced after spending one day walking around Nairobi, that NGOs efforts would be better directed to improving the driving habits of Kenyans and getting them used to using stop signs. When I cross the street (there are very few stoplights so there's mass jaywalking), I always make sure to walk alongside a Kenyan, in the hopes that the drivers are less likely to hit one of their own than a mzungu.

Heroes:

1) AJ and my mother, who PDFed and sent me columns 2 and 3, respectively.

2) Georges in Edmonton, who sent me my first piece of fan mail. Well, fan e-mail, but it is 2006, so that's to be expected.3) Kenya Post and Canada Post. They've combined forces, in a Voltron-like fashion, to form a super postal delivery service and get my mail to its intended recipients.

Zeroes:

1) Dairy Milk in Kenya - it's a lot more creamy and delicious and less gritty in Canada than in Kenya.2) James Blunt - in the time I've been sitting in the internet cafe editting this e-mail, I've heard "Beautiful" at least 3 times, and Blunt's whining that he won't get the girl makes me want to smash his guitar. I see "one hit wonder" following his name within 3 years.

Congrats to Dion who is probably the best person to lead the Liberals to victory in the next election (mark my words: Grits in the next election). Hopefully, he can reclaim some of the Quebec seats lost in the last election.

Until next time...

Just over one month gone

2006-11-26T05:10:00.000-08:00

Jambo, Jambo

With just under 5 months left before I go off to London, there is not a day goes by that I don't have some sort of observation about living here.

My 3rd column in the Post is going to discuss how it is to be white here in Kenya. I get so much attention it's not even funny. Apparently, they all think white people have money here. So the vendors/hawkers will wave me over to their stalls on Kenyatta Ave. (Think yonge or bloor street in terms of majorness) from across the street. For those who may have missed the 2nd one, I've attached it here.

For those new to these massive missives, you can read the previous ones at kenyajacob.blogspot.com .

I too a few photos of the wares that they sell and I asked permission first. Big reason for that is apparently Kenyans don't like their pics taken without permission being asked. Reason for that is - they want money for it. One shopkeeper said I could take a photo of his wares if I bought him a coke or gave him 50 shillings. I told him that if he didn't let me take a picture I would never "promote" him (that's the phrase they use when they are really meaning to patron their shop). He interpreted (or misinterpreted) that to mean that I would promote him if I took his photo. I had to set him straight. They all sell the exact same, um, crap, and I'd be willing to bet good Kenyan shillings that they are jacking up the prices b/c of the colour or lack there of, my skin. Needless to say, when I'm ready to buy souvenirs I will be bringing one of my colleagues to negotiate a Kenyan price for me.

It's so bad here, that I get ambushed by vendors just walking up the street. If I tell them "not today" on a Thursday, the sneak up on me on Friday and ask if I'll buy from them today. It's much easier for them to remember me than for me to remember them. I'd love to tell the lady that is trying to sell me Christmas cards that in Canada we call them Holiday Cards b/c we have muslims, Jews and Christians. Maybe make her head spin.
\n \nI wanted to take a picture of the bike taxis (or deathsicles as I call them) but the one guy wanted money for me to take his photo. Those guys are hilarious b/c they will call me over and say hello to me and look at me until I say I don\'t need a ride. Not only are the drivers maniacs, but the cyclists pedal so quickly - well it makes sense the sooner you get rid of one patron the sooner you can pick up another. After spending $40 000 in education tuition just between 1999 and 2003 alone, there\'s no way I\'m getting on a bicycle again without a helmet and definitely not on one where I\'m relying on someone else to pedal for me while I hold on for dear life. \n\n \nI went to a farm in the rural areas on Friday to do market research. Along the way, I took a photo of a couple of guys guiding their donkeys loaded with timber/wood and their women and children carrying timber and wood (the guys were carrying just machetes and a stick to move the donkeys along the way). I took the photo to show you guys, and the guy wanted money. I told him I had none. \n\n \nMy adventures on Friday to the farm continued with taking a photo of a donkey b/c one of my friends loves them (hey, I\'m not judging. Well, maybe, a little). so at the farm, I took one of a donkey and some guy thought I was taking photos of him. He was less than pleased. He was telling my colleague, who after the tirade translated for me, that he didn\'t want me to take photos of him living in poverty to show the world b/c he wanted to maintain his dignity. First off, i would think that you\'d want to publicize your situation in an effort to get people to help. Second, i think the entire world knows that like 98% of people in Kenya live in poverty. it\'s like stating that the sun rises in the East, it is just that obvious. Third, he was drunk. At 2pm in the afternoon. I think any concerns over dignity go out the window when you\'re inebriated at 2pm on a weekday and it is not St. patrick\'s day. \n",1]
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I wanted to take a picture of the bike taxis (or deathsicles as I call them) but the one guy wanted money for me to take his photo. Those guys are hilarious b/c they will call me over and say hello to me and look at me until I say I don't need a ride. Not only are the drivers maniacs, but the cyclists pedal so quickly - well it makes sense the sooner you get rid of one patron the sooner you can pick up another. After spending $40 000 in education tuition just between 1999 and 2003 alone, there's no way I'm getting on a bicycle again without a helmet and definitely not on one where I'm relying on someone else to pedal for me while I hold on for dear life.

I went to a farm in the rural areas on Friday to do market research. Along the way, I took a photo of a couple of guys guiding their donkeys loaded with timber/wood and their women and children carrying timber and wood (the guys were carrying just machetes and a stick to move the donkeys along the way). I took the photo to show you guys, and the guy wanted money. I told him I had none.

My adventures on Friday to the farm continued with taking a photo of a donkey b/c one of my friends loves them (hey, I'm not judging. Well, maybe, a little). so at the farm, I took one of a donkey and some guy thought I was taking photos of him. He was less than pleased. He was telling my colleague, who after the tirade translated for me, that he didn't want me to take photos of him living in poverty to show the world b/c he wanted to maintain his dignity. First off, i would think that you'd want to publicize your situation in an effort to get people to help. Second, i think the entire world knows that like 98% of people in Kenya live in poverty. it's like stating that the sun rises in the East, it is just that obvious. Third, he was drunk. At 2pm in the afternoon. I think any concerns over dignity go out the window when you're inebriated at 2pm on a weekday and it is not St. patrick's day.
\nWhen I got there I took a number of photos of the little kids there and they were all ecstatic. They would run up to see the photo after, even if they weren\'t in it, and start laughing at their own image. it was nice to hear the kids laughing. Sometimes, I wonder if they really understand their situation. Then again, I\'m also making it to be worse sometimes than it really is. This village did have some sort of "movie theatre" some little building which I guess had a screen of some kind. It was locked so I couldn\'t see into it, but there was some sort of Chuck Norris movie playing. American Invassion (yes, that\'s how they spelt it on the chalkboard) or something like that. \n\n \nAs for the photos, I\'ve taken over 360 and I\'m in one of them - of me interviewing the chairman of one of the farming associations. I haven\'t been able to publish them to the web b/c the internet is so freakin\' slow here so I\'m going to burn them to a CD and send them home and get someone there to post them, so please bear with me. I would like you to see them, b/c quite frankly, there\'s a lot of things that despite my best efforts to describe them, are much better explained in pictorial form. Plus, I save 1000 words typed with every picture you see, sometimes even as many as 1265 words with some of the REALLY good photos. \n\n \nWell, you\'ll be pleased to know that I haven\'t lost that much weight. I\'m still about 83 kgs which is a far cry from the 90 I topped at at one point this summer, and the 93 kgs I want to be at. I think I\'ve lost quite a bit of fat from the boxing training, but I\'m still the fattest member training. there\'s one guy who is about my height if not an inch taller and he\'s mabye 64kgs. I think his body fat is negative. His name is Sammy, and he\'s got a match on Dec. 5, which I don\'t understand how he\'s ready to fight given that I haven\'t seen him spar, just hit the bag, and the mitts when the Coach is around. He is a tall guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till their burger. The fact that he can go and box without having sparred is ridiculous in my mind. There\'s something that actual practice gives you, the ducking, weaving, bobbing, work along the ropes, that just punching mitts cannot. It\'d be like me playing a game of one-on-one and saying I\'m ready to play a team game, without regard of the fact that passing, rebounding, boxing out play a much bigger role in my mind than just driving, shooting and scoring. \n",1]
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When I got there I took a number of photos of the little kids there and they were all ecstatic. They would run up to see the photo after, even if they weren't in it, and start laughing at their own image. it was nice to hear the kids laughing. Sometimes, I wonder if they really understand their situation. Then again, I'm also making it to be worse sometimes than it really is. This village did have some sort of "movie theatre" some little building which I guess had a screen of some kind. It was locked so I couldn't see into it, but there was some sort of Chuck Norris movie playing. American Invassion (yes, that's how they spelt it on the chalkboard) or something like that.

As for the photos, I've taken over 360 and I'm in one of them - of me interviewing the chairman of one of the farming associations. I haven't been able to publish them to the web b/c the internet is so freakin' slow here so I'm going to burn them to a CD and send them home and get someone there to post them, so please bear with me. I would like you to see them, b/c quite frankly, there's a lot of things that despite my best efforts to describe them, are much better explained in pictorial form. Plus, I save 1000 words typed with every picture you see, sometimes even as many as 1265 words with some of the REALLY good photos.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I haven't lost that much weight. I'm still about 83 kgs which is a far cry from the 90 I topped at at one point this summer, and the 93 kgs I want to be at. I think I've lost quite a bit of fat from the boxing training, but I'm still the fattest member training. there's one guy who is about my height if not an inch taller and he's mabye 64kgs. I think his body fat is negative. His name is Sammy, and he's got a match on Dec. 5, which I don't understand how he's ready to fight given that I haven't seen him spar, just hit the bag, and the mitts when the Coach is around. He is a tall guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till their burger. The fact that he can go and box without having sparred is ridiculous in my mind. There's something that actual practice gives you, the ducking, weaving, bobbing, work along the ropes, that just punching mitts cannot. It'd be like me playing a game of one-on-one and saying I'm ready to play a team game, without regard of the fact that passing, rebounding, boxing out play a much bigger role in my mind than just driving, shooting and scoring.
\n \nThe boxing training is a lot more Richard Simmons than Rockey. That\'s not to say that I\'d expect to hit slabs of meat in a freezer (keep that thought in mind for later when I describe meat in the rural parts of Kenya, but that would be a welcome option). skipping rope, squats, push ups (or what they call press ups here) all make sense. What i don\'t understand is how lifting your left arm above your head, in sync with stepping your left leg forward is going to help make you a better boxer. Every time we do those, or touching the toes, or knee lifts, I\'m having expecting to hear "It\'s my party and I\'ll cry if I want to" or "the do ron-ron" playing overhead. \n\n \nMost of your power comes from your legs, that\'s why Clemens focuses on building his leg muscles in the offseason, but you still need strong tris, chest, back, shoulders and really, Sweatin\' to the Oldies 3 is not going to get you that. I promise before I leave to take photos of the training and even video so you can see it and even design your own workout program to the greatest hits of the 1950s and 1960s. \n\n \nAs for the work I am doing - well this past week I had one focus group and 2 interviews to find out the prospects of organic fertilizer. The focus group consisted of 18 farmers who represent some 500 farmers. It was interesting b/c the women sat on one side of the room and said nothing, while the men did most of the talking. Truth be told, if this was a focus group I was conducting back home, I would consider it seriously flawed. The other interview I conducted was of the chairman of a farming collection. There were some 180 farms in his group. Once again, seriously flawed in my opine - I\'d prefer to get at least a 10 to 25% representation rate, but given where I am and the time and distance involved, i have to take what i can get in terms of market research. \n\n \nThe third interview was with the manager of a flower farm. He was not a Kenyan, but from India or Pakistan. I say this only so you know that not everyone here is Kenyan. Interviewing him was like talking with Mushmouth of Fat Albert\'s gang. I could only catch every 3rd word he was saying, and it was every 4th word that was important to the research I was doing. Reminded me of when I was in law school and one of my profs would lecture with full of "ehs, ums, ahs." I think I had more of those verbal pauses in my notes than actual legal reasoning. \n",1]
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The boxing training is a lot more Richard Simmons than Rockey. That's not to say that I'd expect to hit slabs of meat in a freezer (keep that thought in mind for later when I describe meat in the rural parts of Kenya, but that would be a welcome option). skipping rope, squats, push ups (or what they call press ups here) all make sense. What i don't understand is how lifting your left arm above your head, in sync with stepping your left leg forward is going to help make you a better boxer. Every time we do those, or touching the toes, or knee lifts, I'm having expecting to hear "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" or "the do ron-ron" playing overhead.

Most of your power comes from your legs, that's why Clemens focuses on building his leg muscles in the offseason, but you still need strong tris, chest, back, shoulders and really, Sweatin' to the Oldies 3 is not going to get you that. I promise before I leave to take photos of the training and even video so you can see it and even design your own workout program to the greatest hits of the 1950s and 1960s.

As for the work I am doing - well this past week I had one focus group and 2 interviews to find out the prospects of organic fertilizer. The focus group consisted of 18 farmers who represent some 500 farmers. It was interesting b/c the women sat on one side of the room and said nothing, while the men did most of the talking. Truth be told, if this was a focus group I was conducting back home, I would consider it seriously flawed. The other interview I conducted was of the chairman of a farming collection. There were some 180 farms in his group. Once again, seriously flawed in my opine - I'd prefer to get at least a 10 to 25% representation rate, but given where I am and the time and distance involved, i have to take what i can get in terms of market research.

The third interview was with the manager of a flower farm. He was not a Kenyan, but from India or Pakistan. I say this only so you know that not everyone here is Kenyan. Interviewing him was like talking with Mushmouth of Fat Albert's gang. I could only catch every 3rd word he was saying, and it was every 4th word that was important to the research I was doing. Reminded me of when I was in law school and one of my profs would lecture with full of "ehs, ums, ahs." I think I had more of those verbal pauses in my notes than actual legal reasoning.
\n \nUberdisgusting Site of the Week\n \nToronto Health would have a field day in the rural parts of Kenya. On Friday, in the "restaurant" where we stopped for tea in the little village, there was a goat\'s head in the window of the counter that was going to be cooked and eaten. Later. This counter was just that - not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. BUT, that was only superceded by what I saw in the chariman\'s home - fresh goat intestine, also not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. Not all of Kenya is like this, as I saw refridgerated meat in the club I went to on Saturday night, so don\'t think I\'m eating rancid, disgusting meat, b/c I\'m not. Goat guts is bad enough. Kept at room temperature... \n\n \nSe7en Deadly Sin of the Week\nGluttony: I ate an entire 375g box of Choco Weetabix in under 18 hours, staying up to 4am Sunday, watching Smallville as I polished off the crumbly remnants of the box.\n \nPuzzling Fact about Kenya of the Week\n \nIf homosexuality is illegal here and I\'m sure not really looked too highly upon, why do I see guys holding hands walking down the street? \nSomeone please Google this for me?What is the per capita consumption of toothpaste in Kenya vs. Canada?\n \nBook review of the week:\n \nOut of the 13 books I\'ve brought, I\'ve finished 6 of them, having recently finished Saturday by McEwan and The Wealth and Poverty of Nations. I\'ve read more than 50% of the pages I\'ve brought b/c I\'ve read the two longest books already. \n\n \nIf anyone\'s read Saturday - what are their thoughts? It is well written but I can\'t believe the big deal about the book which talks about one day in the protagonist\'s life.\n \nHeroes: \n1) Justin Morneau for winning the AL MVP. He\'s only the 2nd Cdn ever to win the MVP award in baseball. \n \n2) My buddy, Lior, for doing a big mitzvah by helping me do a big mitzvah.",1]
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Uberdisgusting Site of the Week

Toronto Health would have a field day in the rural parts of Kenya. On Friday, in the "restaurant" where we stopped for tea in the little village, there was a goat's head in the window of the counter that was going to be cooked and eaten. Later. This counter was just that - not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. BUT, that was only superceded by what I saw in the chariman's home - fresh goat intestine, also not refridgerated, not cooled, etc. Not all of Kenya is like this, as I saw refridgerated meat in the club I went to on Saturday night, so don't think I'm eating rancid, disgusting meat, b/c I'm not. Goat guts is bad enough. Kept at room temperature...

Se7en Deadly Sin of the Week
Gluttony: I ate an entire 375g box of Choco Weetabix in under 18 hours, staying up to 4am Sunday, watching Smallville as I polished off the crumbly remnants of the box.

Puzzling Fact about Kenya of the Week

If homosexuality is illegal here and I'm sure not really looked too highly upon, why do I see guys holding hands walking down the street?
Someone please Google this for me?What is the per capita consumption of toothpaste in Kenya vs. Canada?

Book review of the week:

Out of the 13 books I've brought, I've finished 6 of them, having recently finished Saturday by McEwan and The Wealth and Poverty of Nations. I've read more than 50% of the pages I've brought b/c I've read the two longest books already.

If anyone's read Saturday - what are their thoughts? It is well written but I can't believe the big deal about the book which talks about one day in the protagonist's life.

Heroes:
1) Justin Morneau for winning the AL MVP. He's only the 2nd Cdn ever to win the MVP award in baseball.

2) My buddy, Lior, for doing a big mitzvah by helping me do a big mitzvah.
\n \nZeroes:1) The Internet Cafes I was using last week - one of them froze just as I was typing out my 2nd column. Thankfully, I did it in Word and not Gmail otherwise I\'d have had to start over from zero. The Internet cafe I used on Sunday to send it out, completely wiped out everthing I typed so I had to start over.\n\n \n2) The Kenyans who want me to pay them so I can take their photos. Riiiight. The guys who ride the bicycle-taxis, and the one vendor who wanted a contribution of shillings for me to take their photos. Man, everyone is really trying to get something for nothing here!\n\n \nThing I miss this week:Pepsi. Not b/c I drink it b/c I don\'t, but the option of having Pepsi here. Nakuru is a Coca-Cola town. I\'ve only seen Pepsi in one of the grocery stores. Every little road stand, restaurant, bar, pub carries the famous Red and White products.\n\n \nAmusing AIDS "Fact" I heard this week.\nApparently, some people here think that you can get AIDS by shaking hands with a pregnant woman. It wouldn\'t surprise me if anyone in North America also believes such preposterous myths as well.\n \nUntil next week,",1]
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Zeroes:1) The Internet Cafes I was using last week - one of them froze just as I was typing out my 2nd column. Thankfully, I did it in Word and not Gmail otherwise I'd have had to start over from zero. The Internet cafe I used on Sunday to send it out, completely wiped out everthing I typed so I had to start over.

2) The Kenyans who want me to pay them so I can take their photos. Riiiight. The guys who ride the bicycle-taxis, and the one vendor who wanted a contribution of shillings for me to take their photos. Man, everyone is really trying to get something for nothing here!

Thing I miss this week:Pepsi. Not b/c I drink it b/c I don't, but the option of having Pepsi here. Nakuru is a Coca-Cola town. I've only seen Pepsi in one of the grocery stores. Every little road stand, restaurant, bar, pub carries the famous Red and White products.

Amusing AIDS "Fact" I heard this week.
Apparently, some people here think that you can get AIDS by shaking hands with a pregnant woman. It wouldn't surprise me if anyone in North America also believes such preposterous myths as well.

Until next week,

jacob

Jambo, Jambo. I'm at a place I call Vertigo

2006-11-20T03:56:00.000-08:00

Morning!

By now, I'm sure you've all rushed out to buy the National Post, wondering if I'm in it today. I think it is going to be a weekly or bi-weekly column. More likely the latter, unless I find that there's more material than I can fit into the 500 I'm being allotted. Or if I find that I need the money. Yes, I'm now a pro. I'm willing to forego my eligibility in the journalism olympics to earn a little extra cash. Now, I earn six figures a month, assuming you include the decimal places. The column will appear on Wednesdays in the FP Working section. I do encourage you to buy it, please! You guys already have the benefit of getting these e-mails for free, and the Post is paying me a whopping $200 a column. I could live like a king in Kenya on that amount. Don't worry, I do have to come back to Canada. The gala scene in Kenya is hurtin'.

A little more details on my visit to the church. I only went b/c I was kind of curious to see what service was like. It's mostly just a bunch of singing, and the pastor (I think it was him) gave an interesting speech, but I've pretty much forgotten it since then. I had no idea what to do, so I just followed along. When the congregation stood up, I stood up. When they clapped, I clapped. When they threw their hands way up in the air, and waved them all around like the just didn't care, I threw my hands, well, you get the picture. Basically, it was no different from what I do those very rare occasions at synagogue (last two visits: September 2006, January 2003) - stand when everyone else stands; say 'amen' when everyone else says 'amen' and refrain from asking when we discuss Jesus. I do not think I will be going back to church while I'm in Kenya. Been there; done that.

Who says you can't go home again?
I went back to the dumpsite again last Monday to conduct an interview of the Secretary of the CBO there to find out info about the time it takes to make compost piles. The information I get from him is so inconsistent it would give a time-motion study expert headaches. One day it takes 10 people 10 hours to make 10 piles, the next time he tells me it is 22 people 10 hours to make 20 piles. Why do I need to know this? I have to cost the input of the compost being made which is very labour intensive, so I have to figure out the amount of labour that goes into it. I was supposed to go back on Friday to finish, and attend their meeting, but I had to meet with some potential customers, but I didn't really say much, so I have to question why I went. I was hoping to go back to see my two little friends - the two guys with the biggest smiles ever.

Most of you will be pleased to know that I've managed to upgrade my diet from the orphan-style gruel I was eating to proper porridge. I've bought Quaker Oats White Oats at the grocery store and the kitchen staff at the hotel has agreed to cook it for me for only 20 shillings. So far, out of the 4 times I have had it, it's been a 50% success ratio: 2 times they've gotten it to look, feel, taste like porridge; the other 2, not so much. More like an oats soup.

Titilating quote in Kenya after one month:

"Kenya is fond of the cock." This was said by my colleague on the first day when I asked about the statute in Nairobi with what appeared to be a giant rooster. I've attached the picture. The cock is everywhere in Kenya, if you look on the logo, it's on the shield. Then again, who are we to make fun, our national animal is the beaver. (Would you people get your heads out of the gutter!?)

Uber Creepy Site of the Week

I saw a lady selling fish on the street. Not prepared fish, and not fish in a mobile refrigeration unit, but fish. Just fish, on the sidewalk (they were laid out on a tarp). As much as I love fish, to say I'm hesitant to buy fish from someone randomly off the street would not do my apprehension justice. I don't even buy hot dogs from street vendors in the T-dot.

Workin' for the man

Ok, I know we all bitch about work, and I'll admit, I'm learning some stuff that while interesting, will probably never be useful again (I promise not to discuss compost techniques at a dinner party), but the most frustrating thing is the way there is such disconnect among the people involved in the project, and to be honest, I think they leaped into this project without properly examining the necessary background information. Example: one of the umbrella organizations for farmers is requesting that the standards body certify the product. This hasn't been done yet, and if the organization for the smaller farmers is requesting it, I'd be willing to bet that the larger farmers would expect the same.

I may be going on a road trip to meet with farmers to ask them about the products they use, what they look for in a product etc. in the next few days. A business trip - just without the plush hotels, expense trip for meals and business class travel. I'm also going to have to go visit stockists in Nakuru to see what fertilizer products they stock and how they decide to buy new ones, to get a sense of the level of competition here. Unfortunately, a lack of access to resources is one of the biggest impediments of the job. I'm sure back home, most of this information would be available with a quick Google search.
Welcome to the Jungle
I've found a Serengetti Safari from Dec. 25 for 5 days. I am going to try to get out of the office on the 20th of December to head over to Rwanda on that day to see the Genocide memorial. The other option is to head over to Rwanda as of Dec. 29 and then head back to to Nakuru. The big appeal of Rwanda is the Genocide museum. I think it is important that we never forget that hatred exists in the world, more so when it is based on something as stupid as the height of the bridge of the nose.
Heroes and Zeroes:

Heroes:

1) The 4 young expats who are coming back to Nakuru in May to oversee the construction of a maternity ward for pregnant women who are HIV/AIDS positive. They are all in their 20s, and 2 of them are Canadians, who are going to throw a fundraising party of sorts in Montreal. I'm planning on organizing another Pink Party for late August. Keep your calendars open. 2) Nancy - for sending me a copy of my own article. Needless to say, they don't get the National Post here in Nakuru, and while I wrote the column, it's always exciting to read your own name in print. More so when it is something good and not bad. Like the time my cousin's then wife crashed a car with Roberto Alomar and Devon White in it just before game 3 of the 1992 World Series. Sure, there was the "Kojfman" name in black and white, just the rest of it wasn't so good. 3) Everyone who has taken the time to write to me. I promise to reply to everyone. I am going to make a concerted effort to write to everyone while I'm here outside of the massive missives but please bear with me.

Zeroes:

1) Kenyan government - where a government lets its people live in a dump site, there is something seriously wrong.

2) Kenyan drivers - they drive like maniacs! There's nary a stop sign in sight, and the only stop light I've seen in Nakuru is not even working.

3) Municipal gov't of Nakuru - for being so gosh darn corrupt. 85 million shillings has gone missing from the coffers of the city.

4) U2 - as frequently as I will praise the Torys, I will diss U2. They are releasing another compilation CD tomorrow and the limited edition will include a DVD of 10 songs from the Milan concert during the summer of 2005. I will probably (read: definitely) buy said CD and DVD combo, but I know deep down that U2 will release a full fledged version of the Milan concert, which I will also buy. U2 is like a Tim Horton's franchise: it's a license to print money.
The "You're going to Kenya? What are you thinking?" award this week goes to: The Blue Jays for pursuing the Big Hurt. I think Thomas is a great hitter and a surefire Hall of Famer, but the Jays already have V. Wells, Rios, Glaus, Overbay who can all hit at least 20 to 30 HRs. What are they going to do? Just score in double digits to win every game? Unless they're getting Thomas to trade some of their bats for some pitching. Halladay can only pitch every 5th game, and Burnett, you're lucky if you get 3/4 of a season out of him. Let's face it: the Josh Towers experiment - the pitching equivalent of the Bay of Pigs. Thing I'm missing this week: Chocolate chip cookies. I have yet to see one, so I'm hurting. Needless to say, please, over the next few months, track down the best chocolate chip cookie so I know which one to indulge. I promised myself that when I get back all my healthy eating habits will return, but I do want to have at least one chocolate chip cookie.Product that is a must have in Kenya (besides Purell):This rain coat has been worth every penny. Well, when I remember to wear it. I've been wearing it twice (at least) when it's rained and it's kept me dryer than half of the bar ads lectures. Simply a must if you come to East Africa. Plus, it rolls into a little sack which is convenient to use as a pillow or for throwing. This e-mail is brought to you by the letters K and V, and the numbers 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 25.
I'm not 100% sure if I'll be in this Wednesday's Post (Working Section) so I can only recommend that you check, but if I am, then please someone send me a PDF copy so I can send it out to you to read for the weekend. Till next Monday...

Week 4 update

2006-11-14T23:34:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

Now that I have been here over three weeks, I find myself settling into a routine of sorts, but I'm still hoping to mix in some exciting adventures such as going on excursions to those other parts of Kenya and East Africa over the next few weeks.

My trip to the dumpsite last week took an unexpected setback. On Monday morning, when we arrived, the inhabitants of the dump that I was going to see were not working on the compost piles, but rather were involved in a tree rehabilitation project, planting trees to replace those that had been eaten by the goats. Environmental rehab is a big thing here in Nakuru.

Nakuru used to be one of the more beautiful towns in Kenya, but now, and I can confirm this (and will send photos later) it is actually, for the most part, a dump. You can't walk three feet without seeing garbage on the ground, and it really takes its toll on this otherwise picturesque little area.

The meeting at the dump was moved to Friday, which was then rescheduled because on Friday I was having a meeting with one of the people from the NGO's head office in the UK to discuss expectations. My role seems to be constantly changing, and while I'm going to focus on the marketing aspect of this product, I think that if I have time, they want me to research and learn about compost policy b/c it is an area that could be of great benefit to Nakuru.

The project, in my opinion, has taken an interesting turn. Selling fertilizer type products is not as easy as selling beer to a Canadian. For one thing, the farmers want to be able to see a demonstration of the product, which means that such demos have to be done closer to where the farmers are, that's the first logistical issue. The second, which is a much more pressing issue, is the fact that such demos take an entire growing season. Unlike tastings with beer, you have to apply the organic fertilizer and wait for the crops to grow. Not an overnight process. Personally, I think that the NGO and the Co-operative failed to do the proper research. They say the market is there - out of a 10 000 farmer lot just in the Nakuru area, surely they can sell this product to some. However, I'm not really sure they did the proper market research, and really made the decision to go into this line of work b/c of the readily available inputs - the compost. I'm off to a meeting this morning with an NGO that represents farmers in the area to discuss the support they are going to give the farmers.

Well, I did buy a TV and DVD player this Friday and a few DVDs, all on the black market. I can now be labelled a pirate and branded with the "P" that was placed on Captain Jack Sparrow. How do I know that they are illegal? Well, for starters, when there are DVDs for sale that have not yet been released on Amazon.com (and no, I don't think the market in Kenya gets products before the Americans), that's one tell tale sign. The others, when they are being sold out of a box on the street, and the third when instead of the fancy label on the disk, it is left white with the words "Inside Man A" written on the disc... well... I'm on to them. When I leave here in April, I'm going to donate the TV, DVD player and my ill gotten treasure to a local orphanage, probably the one that houses HIV/AIDS orphan, and return to my non-pirating ways upon my return to the Western World.

One of the DVDs I bought was Season 1 of Smallville, which may be the most addicting thing this side of Cap'n Crunch. It's pretty interesting how they can do so much with so little, and the constraints they face. Although, if I have one critique of the show, it is that sometimes the bad guys are kind of unoriginal in that they seem to be either recycled from other villains ( i.e. there was one villain who could turn his hands into knife-type objects and then when you punched him, you would go right through him as if he was made of liquid - sound familiar?). I think next weekend, I'll have to spend more of it reading to make up for this past weekend's lack thereof... but I'm 1/2 way through The Wealth and Poverty of Nations which may be the most boring book I've ever read.

If there's one thing (other than the teeth issue) that is driving me crazy about Kenya is that they drive on the wrong side of the road here. It's called the RIGHT side of the road b/c it is the RIGHT, i.e. correct side to drive. I think the only thing worse is that there are no stop signs at all and the only stoplight, I've never seen it operating. Like most cities, there are taxis here, which is usually a flat rate of 150 ksh for a ride in town. There's no meters in the cabs, and no licensing. All you need is a car and a driver's license. The other way to engage in public transit is here on the back of a bicycle. There is a cushioned seat on above the back wheel where passengers can sit. I have seen some really cute kids being shuffled about town in this manner. I can tell you right now, there is a zero percent chance I'm getting on the back of one of those suckers. First off, the cyclists, cycle like maniacs. Second of all, no helmets. When I told someone here that in Canada, when we ride a bike, we wear a helmet (well some of us do). Their response: because of the cold. Apparently, everyone else in the world thinks we live in this Arctic wasteland where it is cold all the time. Our summers are hotter than here in Kenya, thanks to the humidity.

Last week, I was flipping through one of the local papers and I came across the death announcements. The headline "Promotion to Glory" caught my eye, and I wondered why they would put good news about someone's career advancement in the obituaries page. I asked this from my colleagues, and it turns out, Promotion to Glory is not a career advancement so much. I wonder if such a title could gain popularity in Canada's obits?

I attended my first (and last) church service yesterday, to see what it was like. I went with a couple of the waitresses from the hotel where I'm staying at. One of them says that everyone should go to church, b/c it is good for them. I think the fact that I'm not a Christian, and that to the best of my knowledge, non-Christians don't attend church is lost on her. I think that their exposure to other religions and the fact that non-Christians, don't partake in the same pasttimes and activities as the Christians is really lost on them.

I've come to the realization that I really miss pasta, as the spaghetti and meat sauce I've had here has been less than appetizing to say the least, and the quest for a good burger is usually hit or miss. I mostly eat beef stew at the hotel I'm staying at and fruit salad for my meals there.

The mindset of Kenyans is very different from our mindsets. For starters, one of my colleagues said that Canada and the US are "too liberal" in his opinion. Funny, here people discuss politics openly, whereas, in Canada we often shy away from such contentious issues. I was having a coffee with some musungus (non-Kenyans, but usually referred to white people) and one of them was telling me how she was talking with Kenyans and they were surprised that she would trust her boyfriend back home to not cheat on her while she was here. It's just an entirely different way of thinking, and it seems that they don't have the same level of trust that we back in North America do have.

Here are my closing thoughts of this week.
Heroes and Zeroes

Heroes:

1) My young cousin Amit, who at 17 has done something that the Beatles, Bon Jovi or the Backstreet Boys have never done - last week she performed in front of 100,000 people, and did so quite admirably from what I hear. If you're interest, she's available for weddings, engagement parties, and mitzvahs, both bar and bat.

2) Voters in South Dakota - for voting against a proposition that would've been the most restrictive in terms of a woman's right to choose.

3) The Democrats in the US for taking both the Senate and the House. Here's hoping they could find a suitable presidential candidate, something that is much harder than it appears.

Zeroes:

1) My breakfast on Friday - which contributed to a not-so-good feeling in my stomach, and I'll spare you the details but let's just say, it was not pretty.

2) My colleague who last Wednesday stiffed me with the bill for dinner and the cabs. I'm not sure if there's a custom here that the person who does the inviting does the paying, but needless to say, I'm going to be curtailing my invitations to dinner from now on.

3) Canadian businesses - here's a crack I'm taking, but for good reason. In Kenya, one of the biggest cell phone providers is Safaricom, whose logo bears a striking resemblance to that of Vodafone... the latter owning 40% of Safaricom. BP is here, too. Where are the Canadian players on the international scene?

Thing I miss the most:

1) My iPod, Beaker. Yes, I've named it after the Muppet scientist who spoke no English. It's locked away in the security desk of the hotel where I'm staying.

2) Brunch - I'm dying for a waffle or french toast. Do they have brunch in the UK?

Till next time,

jacob

MONDAY MORNING JAMBOS

2006-11-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

Jambo, everybody.

First off, a Wannakum, to those from my trip to India in, who are
being added to this broadcast e-mail, since I now have their
addresses, and welcome to anyone else.

I still can't believe how the Cardinals beat the Tigers. What a great
World Series. My prediction for 2007 right now: Minnesota Twins. Then
again, I also thought that they'd win in 2006, so don't blame me if it
doesn't come true.

Takin' Care of Business

Before, I get accused of accused actually hiding out in a basement
somewhere, feeding you information about Kenya that I'm getting off of
Wikipedia, I should probably tell you what I'm actually doing in
Kenya.

I'm here helping a small business with it's marketing strategy. The
product is organic fertilizer, so the work is literally sh*t.
Basically, this co-operative called NAWACOM makes this fertilizer and
is hoping to sell it. NAWACOM is part of an income-generating
activity to help the poor people here in Nakuru.

NAWACOM gets its raw materials, the compost, from community based
organizations that are selling it to NAWACOM, at approx. 6 shillings
per kg. NAWACOM then adds a few other raw materials to it, mixes it
up and bags it.

So here's where I come in. Basically, I have to help sell this stuff.
That doesn't mean that I'm going door-to-door with organic fertilizer
on my back trying to hock it. Rather, I have to help devise a strategy
to sell it, from start to finish.

Right now the price it is set for sale may not be the best price. So
one of the first things I had to do was figure out what are the costs
that go into making a bag of this stuff. Very easy to figure out the
cost of raw materials, not so easy to figure out the other costs:
labour, overhead, fixed asset allocation, and other fun accounting
stuff, I haven't done since the Clinton Administration.

As for the labour, to make this product has a labour component too -
sifting the different types of compost, adding the right mix of other
raw materials, scooping it in the machine, etc. So far, the labour
has been entirely voluntary. Part of the information I had to gather
last week when I went to the site was to determine how much labour is
actually involved. I've managed to get a rough estimate, but I think
that to get a proper measure of how much labour is needed, then time
trials will have to be done at some point in the near future.

Just like any good consultant, I am visiting the suppliers of the raw
materials. Except, the purpose of visiting the compost of the
suppliers, is to find out how much labour they put into making the
compost, so that others can mimic it if they want to make compost as a
means of income. (Don't laugh, some lady here made a killing from
waste paper - she drives a BMW).

So on Friday, they took me to the 'factory' where they make the
compost. And by 'factory' I mean dumpsite, and today I have to go back
to conduct interviews, to figure out the costs.

I can't exactly say I'm too thrilled to go back to the dumpsite for
three main reasons (If you call me a 'prince' for reasons 1 & 2, I
will not disagree with you!):

1) Hygiene - running around to garbage sites does not exactly scream
to me of good hygiene. Needless to say, I will be having a long
shower tonight when I get home, and will be using LOTS of Purell-type
products, immediately after I leave.

2) Animals - on Friday, I noticed pigs, goats, dogs, some rather large
looking birds. It basically looked like a casting call for some sort
of live-action Disney-type movie. Don't get me wrong, I like animals,
but only when they are leashed, zooed or on a plate next to some
vegetables. The fact that there are so many of them running loose
freaks me out.

3) It is really heartbreaking to see that this is how the people live.
There are certain images in history that resonate with us - the one
of the little girl running out of the forest in Viet Nam as the US
drops Agent Orange; the one of the guy in some US makeshift jail,
holding his hooded, dead son. Last week, as part of the background
info on all of this, I read an article in "Waste Digest" (I don't
subscribe to it, but it's here in the office), about scavengers -
people who live at the waste dump and wait for the trucks to bring the
daily garbage, so they can go through it, looking for items to sell,
or even worse, to eat. It's one thing to read about it, another thing
to see it. The people who make the compost, live at the dumpsite.
There were two little boys, couldn't have been older than 8 or 9 (I'm
a horrible guesstimator of age), who had the most warming, welcoming
smiles when I said "Jambo" to them, and they are living surrounded by
flies, at the dumpsite. It's very heartbreaking. Madonna, where are
you?! You need to adopt these two little boys ASAP.

So, basically, my job here is to help sell sh*t so these people can
improve their lives and hopefully get out of the dumpsite. No
pressure. Although, on Friday, I did find out an interesting piece of
info - the flower industry, which would be a major purchaser of this
product, could be moving out of Kenya, to surrounding countries, which
would be a MAJOR setback for the product. It's one thing to lose a
key customer, but to lose an entire industry...

Blame it on the rain...

It rained here last week. Hard. I was warned that I'd be here during
rainy season, so I bought a real rain coat, breathable, in case I'm
ever inspired to go running in the rain (so far, inspiration level to
run even when not raining: 0). I can deal with the rain, I have my
protection. There's also covered sidewalks, and buildings to duck in
and out of. But, what I can't deal with, is the fact that the Nakuru
drainage system: non-existent. Not only, did I have to worry about
getting wet from the rain above, but from the water running off of
roofs, and the streets turned into one giant lake. Water was coming
up and beyond my ankles. This was last Wednesday, and I think my shoes
are still soaked from the little trek I took. I don't even think
taking a cab is an option when it rains because the cars can't go
anywhere. Clearly, instead of five pairs of shoes, I should've
brought one inflatable raft.

Stranger in a strange land

Well, I've managed to meet some other ex-pats, and surprisingly, a
number of Canadians, at least 4 by my count, so it's nice to have the
company of others who are here doing similar work. It's also helped
alleviat the loneliness of being here, which is the biggest drawback.
The fact that I'm 8 hours ahead of EST and 11 hours ahead of PST (the
two time zones where I have the most readers), makes for communication
during the day next to impossible. I do appreciate receiving
correspondence, so please, go forth, be fruitful and e-mail.

The Hurricane

Under the watchful eye of a coach who looks like he could be portrayed
by Robert Guillaume if there's ever a story made of his life, I've
begun training at a boxing club - the Nakuru Boxing Association. I've
been accepted by the locals, and I think I'm the oldest one training
there, although, one of the youths told me that there was a 40-year
old. I'm not going to lie, it is killing me. The first day I trained,
I thought I was going to throw up. For all those of you who think you
are in great shape (or even excellent shape), I challenge you to try
their workout. Aside from skipping for about an hour, there's an hour
of calisthenics, and body exercises - squats, crunches, push ups,
jumpings. My calves and legs were killing me at the end of the week.
In order to protecty my weary old body, I think I'm going to have to
only go 3 to 4 days a week as opposed to the 5 that most of the kids
there train.

The equipment they train in, is quite sad. Torn t-shirts and shoes
that are ripped at the sides is what they use. I'm not paying
anything for the training, so when I leave, I will give the coach a
few thousand shillings so the guys can get some proper equipment. I'll
probably leave behind the pair of basketball shoes I brought (one of
the five pairs of shoes) so someone can use them. These kids are all
very fit and thin and are still trying to 'make weight'. David is
trying to get down from 72 kgs to 60 kg, and he's at 69 as of last
week. I don't see where he has 9 kgs to lose. They don't drink any
water while they work out, while I guzzle almost a litre of it to
avoid dehydration. Apparently, Sammy, one of the taller, much leaner
kids, tells me that he doesn't drink anything until 2 hours after.
I'm doing this to keep fit, and the exercises will hopefully make me a
better defender for basketball when I get back since there's a lot of
foot work exercises, and a much better rebounder, sill all I'm doing
here is jumping. I'm hoping to come back like Ron Artest - just not
as crazy as him. I don't know if I'll take part in any sparring
activities since I left my mouthguard in Toronto, since I don't want
to come back with dental work resembling a native Kenyan. (I cannot
wait to get back to Canada to see proper teeth. I am going to be in
London for a week before I get back to Canada, so I'll be in the
country where dental negligence was invented and perfected).

Crazy

I'm starting to go stir crazy here in Nakuru. In a few weeks, once I
figure out logistics, I'll go to some of the nearby towns to visit
them, but on the weekends here, I can only sleep to stave off total
boredom. I think I'm going to invest in a TV and DVD player (I regret
not buying the portable combo one at Walmart for $90 before I left).
But, if I buy said electronics, would I actually succumb to buying
pirated DVDs? There's a 5-movie DVD of Denzel Washington movies
(Remember the Titans, which is one of my faves, John Q and the
Manchurian Candidate, I've never seen either, Out of Time, which has
some of the greatest lines ever, and Training Day) and I also saw a
DVD of the Inside Man, so I can obviously compare which Denzel is
best: clean shaven; goateed; or mustachioed. I'm very much against
buying pirated DVDs and music, so this is a real moral dilemma for me.

I'm doing a lot of reading, but I still think that my brain needs a
break. On Sunday, I read some 300 pages, between 3 books. I finished A
Fine Balance, which is now the longest book I have ever read at 719
pages, and last year I promised myself that I wouldn't read anything
more than 450 pages. I also finished The Broker, by Grisham, which as
usual, I get sucked in by a catchy title, only to be disappointed by
the ending. Again. Why, John, why? Every time, I think I'm out, he
pulls me back in!

I started The Wealth and Poverty of Nations, and The House of Sleep on
Sunday, and since I'm already finished 20% of both of them, we'll see
how quickly my box o' books (12 of them I brought, 3 are done) lasts
me.

The office is closed from Dec. 20 to Jan. 2, so I think I'm going to
take a tour of the dark continent during those 13 days - with stops in
Uganda, and Rwanda, and probably a safari in the Serengetti.

For those who missed Issues 1 and 2, you can catch them at
kenyajacob.blogspot.com. I should have them up and running by the end
of today.

Since I have your attention, here's where I'm going to share with you
my Hero and Zero of the week, where I give respect and dis, someone or
something, respectively.

Hero: The Conservatives - for plugging the tax leak from the income
trusts structure. If individuals have to pay taxes, why shouldn't
corporations. Bell and Telus were going to save some 1.5 billion total
by converting to trusts. This is one of the few times, you'll EVER
see me compliment the Tories. I would've done the same thing if I was
Finance Minister.

Zero: The Conservatives - b/c Stephen Harper wants to reopen the
debate on same-sex marriage. Let it go, Stephen. Most Canadians don't
care anymore. While you're at it, why not reopen the debate on whether
Canada should get involved in the US invasion of Iraq, or even WWI.

So, this week, my Hero and Zero are the same, so I have to pick new ones.

Hero - that police officer who caught that pedophile online. It's
quite a sad world we live in sometimes, even in our own country
(Canada, for the benefit of the Americans reading this), but it's good
to know that there are people out there trying to make it better and
keep it safe.

Zero - this keyboard I'm using. The @ key is not above the "2", and
the " is not where it should be, so it causes me to slow down my
typing. Real annoying.

Koheri,

jacob

THE NEXT FEW DAYS

2006-11-05T22:40:00.000-08:00

Jambo everybody again,

First off, a few clarifications:

1) Jambo is the proper word for "hello" in Swahilli. Jambon means "ham" in French. To my kosher and halal playahs, I apologize

2) My novel has nothing to do with Kenya. It is about young, urban professionals who are self-absorbed in their own little world. I don't think they'd know anything about Kenya other than "it's in Africa which means there's a lot of AIDS there". If there's any females out there who are interested in reading a segment or two, please let me know. I have my two main "commentors" but they are both males, and women buy more books than men.

3) Thank you everyone for the safety tips. I've seen enough after-school specials to heed your warnings. I was not saying anything to solicit suggestions about the HIV problem in Kenya, just making an observation. If I tell any of you that I'm going skydiving, please refrain from stating the obvious and telling me to bring a parachute.

It's a very interesting place, Kenya. Nothing like I've ever seen before, and I've been to Chicago.

I managed to get lost on my very 2nd day in Nakuru. Rather than take the ride to the office, I decided to walk that Friday morning, and walk I did. Just the wrong way. I had to call my boss here, thankfully, I had her cell phone no. on me, to redirect me. So far, I haven't gotten lost since then. It's quite a small town, Nakuru, and I'm pretty sure I can walk most of it in well under an hour. But, I have no intentions of going into the slum part of Nakuru.

Walking in town, I am constantly harassed by the vendors to buy their "merchandise", and for most of them, I use that term VERY loosely. Crap is more like it. I mean seriously, what am I going to do with a copy of Schwarzennegger's Commando on VHS. Now, if it was Kindergarten Cop, his 3rd greatest performance (in order: 1) convincing the voters of CA that's he fit to run their state; 2) T2; 4) The Running Man), then maybe, that'd be a different story. Of course, I'd have to have a VHS player, either here or in Toronto, but that's just details, baby, details.
\n \nOne of the biggest things that takes hold is the difference in prices here. For 155 ksh, just over $2 US, I can eat an omlette, porridge, fruit salad and a cup of coffee for breakfast. I spent 300 ksh on a jar of Skippy (now, more than ever, I\'m going to opt for "name brand" products). My jumping rope, needed for the boxing gym, cost 410 ksh. \n\n \nCost of food: Advantage Kenya\n \nYes, I\'m joining a boxing gym. This will hopefully keep me semi-occupied in the evenings and weekends and allow me to come back even fitter than ever. I\'m still looking for a basketball court to not only maintain but improve my skills. I may buy one to just dribble in front of the hotel, since that is the part of my game that needs the most work. Well, my dunking too, but as Wesley Snipes taught us white men can\'t jump. Speaking of good ol\' Wesley, is he still on the run or has Robert Downey Jr. caught him yet? \n\n \nHere, everyone uses cell phones. So, it is very much like Canada. There\'s no flat rate plans, just really those pay-as-you-go models, and much like in Canada, you can buy the cards everywhere. Well, in Canada, you can only buy them at drug stores, grocery stores, c-stores, gas stations, general retailers, like Wal-mart, Canadian Tire, electronics stores, but not from some random dude on the street. So ALMOST everywhere. \n\n \nIn Kenya, there are literally everywhere. There\'s people on the streets selling them. I think I saw a guy who had no arms selling them. So, really, you can get them everywhere.\n \nAdvantage: Kenya\n \nThe lingo is really odd too - cell phone cards are called "scratch cards" which really make me think of those scratch lotteries, that I got addicted to during the summer of 1997, when I worked at the Province of Ontario Savings Office, and had nothing to do, and started to play the scratch and win cards b/c the other employees were doing so. It\'s been over 9 years since I last played. I just have to take each day, one at a time. \n",1]
);
//-->

One of the biggest things that takes hold is the difference in prices here. For 155 ksh, just over $2 US, I can eat an omlette, porridge, fruit salad and a cup of coffee for breakfast. I spent 300 ksh on a jar of Skippy (now, more than ever, I'm going to opt for "name brand" products). My jumping rope, needed for the boxing gym, cost 410 ksh.

Cost of food: Advantage Kenya

Yes, I'm joining a boxing gym. This will hopefully keep me semi-occupied in the evenings and weekends and allow me to come back even fitter than ever. I'm still looking for a basketball court to not only maintain but improve my skills. I may buy one to just dribble in front of the hotel, since that is the part of my game that needs the most work. Well, my dunking too, but as Wesley Snipes taught us white men can't jump. Speaking of good ol' Wesley, is he still on the run or has Robert Downey Jr. caught him yet?

Here, everyone uses cell phones. So, it is very much like Canada. There's no flat rate plans, just really those pay-as-you-go models, and much like in Canada, you can buy the cards everywhere. Well, in Canada, you can only buy them at drug stores, grocery stores, c-stores, gas stations, general retailers, like Wal-mart, Canadian Tire, electronics stores, but not from some random dude on the street. So ALMOST everywhere.

In Kenya, there are literally everywhere. There's people on the streets selling them. I think I saw a guy who had no arms selling them. So, really, you can get them everywhere.

Advantage: Kenya

The lingo is really odd too - cell phone cards are called "scratch cards" which really make me think of those scratch lotteries, that I got addicted to during the summer of 1997, when I worked at the Province of Ontario Savings Office, and had nothing to do, and started to play the scratch and win cards b/c the other employees were doing so. It's been over 9 years since I last played. I just have to take each day, one at a time.
\n \nFor those who do not own cell phones in Kenya, have no fear, there\'s no shortage of pay phones. Except pay phones here are a cottage industry. In some cases, there\'s someone just sitting at a table with a telephone, and I think some sort of device where they input their pay-as-you-go codes, or there\'s someone sitting in a little booth. I promise, to take pictures and show you. I haven\'t sent out any pictures b/c I can barely master the task of uploading my photos at home, and here, I have to ask people for their permission, so I want to master the phrase in Swahili. Right now, my 13 hours of sleep a day is interfering with that task. But, I promise you, before I leave Nakuru, you will have photos of said phone booths. \n\n \nI\'m not 100% sure anymore, and I saw a bunch of them on Monday, but I\'m pretty sure they are tourists, but I think I\'m one of only 2 white people in Nakuru. The other one, I met on Sunday, and it turns out he\'s CEO of the Nakuru Business Association, an organization Practical Action (my NGO) is involved with. Too small a world. I saw a bunch of "whiteys" (I can\'t remember the term the Kenyans use to describe us pigmentally challenged folk) on Saturday at Lake Nakuru, but seeing white people at touristy things does not count. It\'s like seeing a see of Yankees hats at Skydome and concluding that Toronto has a lot of Yankees\' fans. \n\n \nOne other observation I\'ve made is that there is an awful lot of print shops in Nakuru. I don\'t think there are as many in the downtown core of Toronto along the PATH as there are in Nakuru. I have to wonder what these people are getting printed. \n\n \nBefore I left, one of my colleagues raved about the coffee from Kenya. His exact words were that it was the best in the world, hands down. Well, since I\'ve been here, I\'ve only been served Nescafe instant coffee at my hotel in Nakuru. This is someone whom I respect very much, so I\'m giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were obviously not referring to Nescafe as the best in the world, especially, the instant kind that you pour out of an individual packet. \n",1]
);
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For those who do not own cell phones in Kenya, have no fear, there's no shortage of pay phones. Except pay phones here are a cottage industry. In some cases, there's someone just sitting at a table with a telephone, and I think some sort of device where they input their pay-as-you-go codes, or there's someone sitting in a little booth. I promise, to take pictures and show you. I haven't sent out any pictures b/c I can barely master the task of uploading my photos at home, and here, I have to ask people for their permission, so I want to master the phrase in Swahili. Right now, my 13 hours of sleep a day is interfering with that task. But, I promise you, before I leave Nakuru, you will have photos of said phone booths.

I'm not 100% sure anymore, and I saw a bunch of them on Monday, but I'm pretty sure they are tourists, but I think I'm one of only 2 white people in Nakuru. The other one, I met on Sunday, and it turns out he's CEO of the Nakuru Business Association, an organization Practical Action (my NGO) is involved with. Too small a world. I saw a bunch of "whiteys" (I can't remember the term the Kenyans use to describe us pigmentally challenged folk) on Saturday at Lake Nakuru, but seeing white people at touristy things does not count. It's like seeing a see of Yankees hats at Skydome and concluding that Toronto has a lot of Yankees' fans.

One other observation I've made is that there is an awful lot of print shops in Nakuru. I don't think there are as many in the downtown core of Toronto along the PATH as there are in Nakuru. I have to wonder what these people are getting printed.

Before I left, one of my colleagues raved about the coffee from Kenya. His exact words were that it was the best in the world, hands down. Well, since I've been here, I've only been served Nescafe instant coffee at my hotel in Nakuru. This is someone whom I respect very much, so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were obviously not referring to Nescafe as the best in the world, especially, the instant kind that you pour out of an individual packet.
\n \nOn my first Saturday in Nakuru, I went to Lake Nakuru, where I got to see a plethora of wild animals in their natural habitat. I got up early to take the Kenyan Wildlife Services bus which I thought departs at 9 am. I learned a valuable lesson in Kenyan Standard Time. For those familiar with IST, you know it is an approximation of a time - usually there\'s a 15 to 20 minute delay. KST is a whole new world. This 9 am bus - left at 11:28 am for Lake Nakuru from the departure point, b/c it had to wait for the bus to fill up. Thankfully, at 11:28 am, a whole bunch of kids from a school showed up, otherwise, my first attempt at seeing a touristy type thing could\'ve ended up just been me sitting around on a bus, all day. The wheels on that bus were not going round and round for a good \n2.5 hours. I was less than pleased.\n \nWhile, I didn\'t see lions and tigers and bears (oh my), I did see giraffes, and wildabeests and baboons, and zebras, and water buffaloes and pink flamingos (they really do exist outside of a cheap tackey plastic lawn ornament. I am by no means a nature person. I hate camping and will never go camping, and think that if you can\'t have fun in a suit and tie, then you\'re just not trying, but there is still something magical about seeing animals in a setting besides a zoo. Besides, how many of us have been to the zoo since we were 10? I did take pictures, but my paltry 3X zoom does not do the site justice. I think the most impressive thing was seeing the white rhinos up close. We came across a mother nursing her baby (quite a big baby) on the road and had to wait for them to move across. \n\n \nThe first dinner I had while in Kenya (I slept through dinner when I was in Nairobi) was a fish stew. This was not a stew, at least not by my definition (and what would be most people\'s definition of \'stew). It was a whole fish, complete with head still attached (I don\'t like to have my food look at me while I eat it, so even when I eat lobster, I turn his head the other way so I don\'t have to feel bad), and covered in some sort of sauce. To me, that\'s not a stew but "fish covered with sauce." Then again, I don\'t think I\'d have ordered something called "fish covered in sauce", so maybe they\'re better off from a marketing point of view of calling it "fish stew". Either way, I don\'t think I\'ll order it again. Too many bones - I want my eating to take less effort than my cooking. \n",1]
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On my first Saturday in Nakuru, I went to Lake Nakuru, where I got to see a plethora of wild animals in their natural habitat. I got up early to take the Kenyan Wildlife Services bus which I thought departs at 9 am. I learned a valuable lesson in Kenyan Standard Time. For those familiar with IST, you know it is an approximation of a time - usually there's a 15 to 20 minute delay. KST is a whole new world. This 9 am bus - left at 11:28 am for Lake Nakuru from the departure point, b/c it had to wait for the bus to fill up. Thankfully, at 11:28 am, a whole bunch of kids from a school showed up, otherwise, my first attempt at seeing a touristy type thing could've ended up just been me sitting around on a bus, all day. The wheels on that bus were not going round and round for a good 2.5 hours. I was less than pleased.

While, I didn't see lions and tigers and bears (oh my), I did see giraffes, and wildabeests and baboons, and zebras, and water buffaloes and pink flamingos (they really do exist outside of a cheap tackey plastic lawn ornament. I am by no means a nature person. I hate camping and will never go camping, and think that if you can't have fun in a suit and tie, then you're just not trying, but there is still something magical about seeing animals in a setting besides a zoo. Besides, how many of us have been to the zoo since we were 10? I did take pictures, but my paltry 3X zoom does not do the site justice. I think the most impressive thing was seeing the white rhinos up close. We came across a mother nursing her baby (quite a big baby) on the road and had to wait for them to move across.

The first dinner I had while in Kenya (I slept through dinner when I was in Nairobi) was a fish stew. This was not a stew, at least not by my definition (and what would be most people's definition of 'stew). It was a whole fish, complete with head still attached (I don't like to have my food look at me while I eat it, so even when I eat lobster, I turn his head the other way so I don't have to feel bad), and covered in some sort of sauce. To me, that's not a stew but "fish covered with sauce." Then again, I don't think I'd have ordered something called "fish covered in sauce", so maybe they're better off from a marketing point of view of calling it "fish stew". Either way, I don't think I'll order it again. Too many bones - I want my eating to take less effort than my cooking.
\n \nI started typing this out on Hallowe\'en, and I realize that I am missing my favorite holiday. I refer you to the cinematic masterpiece "Mean Girls" for a statement as to why it is my favorite holiday. For those of you went to Hallowe\'en parties, please send me some pictures. I hope to have a belated Hallowe\'en party in the summer, provided, I can find a location. \n\n \nAmerican Waddell: where are we on that contact list? \n \nA few final thoughts:\n \n1) I\'ve never seen so many screwed up teeth as I have in Kenya. I realize it used to be a British Colony, but when a country gains independence, they should obviously adapt only those habits of its colonizer that are beneficial. British tooth care: not so much. I\'m really looking forward to seeing normal teeth when I get back.\n\n \n2) Porn and homosexuality are illegal in Kenya. Obviously, one of these impacts me more than the other, but I could never settle in a country where basic human rights are being supressed.\n \nI\'ve been adding people to this list, who may not have been on the first one. I plan on getting all of these e-mails onto a blog by late November at the latest.\n \nMiss you all and hope that you are all well. Shirts and ties - I\'ll wear you guys soon. I promise!\n \njakey\n\n",0]
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I started typing this out on Hallowe'en, and I realize that I am missing my favorite holiday. I refer you to the cinematic masterpiece "Mean Girls" for a statement as to why it is my favorite holiday. For those of you went to Hallowe'en parties, please send me some pictures. I hope to have a belated Hallowe'en party in the summer, provided, I can find a location.

American Waddell: where are we on that contact list?

A few final thoughts:

1) I've never seen so many screwed up teeth as I have in Kenya. I realize it used to be a British Colony, but when a country gains independence, they should obviously adapt only those habits of its colonizer that are beneficial. British tooth care: not so much. I'm really looking forward to seeing normal teeth when I get back.

2) Porn and homosexuality are illegal in Kenya. Obviously, one of these impacts me more than the other, but I could never settle in a country where basic human rights are being supressed.

I've been adding people to this list, who may not have been on the first one. I plan on getting all of these e-mails onto a blog by late November at the latest.

Miss you all and hope that you are all well. Shirts and ties - I'll wear you guys soon. I promise!

jakey